HELP ME PLEASE WITH ME LESBIAN SISTER

This is my sister..
My very lesbian sister...
I love her to death....I just dont know how to help her...

She is the strongest person I have ever known and because of her lifestyle is seems as if we are worlds apart. 
She broke up over a year ago with her girlfriend of 4 years..and I know that Homosexual relationship are just like hetero relationships...but my advice and whatever I say just doesnt seem to be working!!!  She doesnt seem happy!!  I feel like Im failing as a sister! We have always been there for each other..and now that I am in a committed relationship and losing weight..it seems like she is out there alone in the world gaining weight..and I am so confused..and it seems like I am not there for her anymore.....

I know that its not my fault that my life has changed and so has hers...but why do I feel so guilty?? Why now??  And why do I feel as though its her lifestyle that it is making us feel as though we cant relatate? She has been gay since she was 5!!  Please someone anyone give me advice on how siblings relate...or how sibling connect...shes basically my twin..and I cant feel happy when shes not happy..and I want her happy....and I want to be intune again with my sister....I hope I made some sense...

This issue is so multifaceted.

I don't think her being a lesbian is what you ladies, as sisters, need to work on since it seems you have crossed that bridge. I think the problems you may now have is that as twins, and overweight twins, you two always had a point you could relate on. Now that you are losing the weight and she is not, you two are losing that bond.  You are still you chubby or skinny, she is still her gay or straight, and you guys need to focus more on the fact that your bond as twin sisters goes beyond all of that.

I just dont feel any bond at all...i feel nothing....

kind of disgusted in myself

I agree with the previous post. I am not so sure feeling so disconnected has to do with her being gay as much as it does the two of you growing apart and going in different directions. I am not sure what you mean by her lifestyle though... do you mean her being gay or her being different than you in what she does in her personal life and you are more outgoing or conservative? Her being a lesbian is not a life style. It is just her life and it may be that you guys are really different and can"t relate to each other. Clearly you care because you are reaching out so try to solve the problem. Good luck to both of you. I hope you can work it out.

Many relationships sour after we go through our surgeries.  We are on a different path now.  It is o.k.  Think about why you were overweight in the first place and what lead you to this point.  Were you a people pleaser, can never say no, felt guilty about everything, anxiety about not being able to control...so we controled the one thing that made us feel good-FOOD.  Your sister is on her own path.  You can not control her happiness, that is her responsibility.  You are only responsible for your new path.  It hurts...I have been there.  My relationship began to fall apart prior to my surgery.  We have come through this stronger than I ever imagined.  Give yourself permission to stop feeling guilty...you will fall back to old habits if you keep on this path!  And...I agree...it has nothing to do with her being a lesbian and you being hetero.

thank you all for your responses...I just hate feeling this way

Ditto everything everyone else has said.... 

I think it's wonderful that you care so much about your sister that you're asking for help to get that close bond back.  I think there's probably several things going on with your sister.  One, she may geniuinely still be grieving the break up of her relationship. For some people, they can get over a break up in a few months. For others it may take years.  Secondly, she may be feeling uncomfortable with your weight loss now. She may feel that you're judging her - even though I'm sure you're not, she just might feel that way - or she may be plain envious of your success!  Or she may feel distanced because you don't have that same relationship with food in common anymore and she may feel self-conscious of her eating habits now.

Are you still talking at all? You might try having a very frank, direct conversation with her about all this. Tell her how you feel - that you feel you're growing apart and losing that close bond you had, that you are concerned because she seems so unhappy. Remind her that you still care and want to be there for her, and miss the closeness you used to share. Sometimes just bringing this stuff out in the open and talking about it can be enough to rekindle the bond.

Also, is she getting any counseling? That might be helpful for her, although it might also be a touchy thing for you to bring up. Just another thought. 

Thanks for being there for her! You're a good sister to be reaching out!  Take care and let us know how it goes!

Laura

My sisters have some problems with the fact that I have lost weight....but it is related to weight loss or the fact that she is alone? Maybe she just needs to explore and get to know more about herself at this point or maybe your interests are different. I would say be available, don't push her, and just let her know you are available to talk or do things....but maybe your sis needs some space?

deb366