Fat Grrl Mentality

Beasley317
on 10/9/09 6:15 am - LA

Ok, so I met this absolutely amazing woman. Well, we actually met 7 months ago before I had the surgery when I was visiting friends in Nashville. As soon as I saw her I was like 'DAYUM!"  but she had a girlfriend so I just kept my mouth shut and swallowed my drool LOL. Anyway, long story a little shorter, we became friends and kept in touch off and on. She broke up with her girlfriend shortly after we met while she was deployed in Iraq.

Ok, so recently we started really talking and she confessed that she's always had an attraction to me. Say what? The last time you saw me I was 90lbs heavier and was not exactly in a great space mentally. She said she wasn't focused on the weight, she liked my personality, smile, and how I looked at her. Ok, so I don't have a very good poker face. Anyway, (again trying to make this a little shorter) despite the distance between us, we're now together. I was working on moving back to Nashville anyway. This is just icing on the cake so to speak LOL

This girl treats me like no one ever has. She's so incredibly sweet, supportive, kind, funny, the full 9 yards. I'm most definately the happiest I've been in years and so is she. I just keep finding myself stuck in that "you're way out of my league" mentality that I had when I still had the weight on. I know I look and feel so much better than I did 5 months ago. It's like my brain hasn't caught up yet. I mean that was the whole reason I never told her that I thought she was attractive, because I had that "she can do better than me" thing going on.

I really care about this girl and I don't want a hang up like this to get in the way. I'm not even sure I would call this a self esteem problem cuz I feel like I'm a good catch. It's more like a bad habit that I want to break. Any advice kids?

 

                      
CK11669
on 10/9/09 9:19 am
Ok Chicka, you have got to change that way of thinking. I don't care how much I weigh, I am a damn good catch. You need to believe in and love yourself before someone else can. I do understand the fat grrl mentality though. But I have NEVER let my weight be an issue when it comes to worth!!! Put some positive affirmations on your bathroom mirror and look them when you get up in the morning and before you go to bed. It will help
mst42
on 10/9/09 9:53 am - Ithaca, NY
In the end, you may or may not get over it . . . but the importance will die down as you continue to lose.  And, it will get to be less and less of an issue because it seems like a non-issue with the new GF thus will only pop-up every so often.

I have this "problem" too.  My GF is normal weight, totally loving, cool and cute.  I did not understand why she wanted to be with me at 300+.  I still accuse her of having a fat fetish but in fact our relationship is only better since I lost the weight.  Since the issue was never emphasized, the importance is minimized.


jill M.
on 10/9/09 10:16 am
I just talked about "fat head" in another post. Sometimes, as our mind can't make sense of what our bodies now look, it is our physical world and others that give us our new information. Chairs don't "not fit" any more, walking and moving are like having a new model of yourself! And, lovely, sweet and kind " Dayum" women make us damned glad we are who we are! Your self esteem is gonna be there the way it was when you had your weight on ( been there and done that!) but just like your body is transforming, so are you. Pay attention to the nasty voices in your head b/c they can give you information but then CHOOSE to be powerful and let her love you chick!! Good luck and congratulations on your relationship.
Jill            
Deb366
on 10/9/09 10:19 am
Well I think it is cool that she knew you before and likes you either way!

This really isn't advice but the hardest thing about this entire process is really in our heads....whether it is eating like you need to, dealing with past demons or body issues...it is in our heads...So she sounds like she is great and you are enjoying yourself...what's the problem? Just listen to what she is saying about what she likes about you and keep working on the things you want to improve whether it is losing more, working out, or improving your body image or self esteem. Enjoy the day...enjoy the moment...if you find your self talk being negative replace it with positive things....

Best of luck to you and the new relationship!

deb366

 

Currently 125  pounds
Beasley317
on 10/9/09 10:14 pm - LA

Thanks for all the advice ladies :) You are all right - I do need to just relax and let this happen, which I am. I'd be crazy not to. And I don't feel like it's a self esteem thing. I know I'm a good person and good catch. But in the physical side of things, yea, I still have some work to do. I talked to her about this last night and she was incredibly understanding. She told me thought I was beautiful and that all this would come with time. *swoon!* She made it very clear she wasn't goin anywhere no matter what I looked like. Truth admitted, that made me feel better but I know at the end of the day I'm ok on my own too.

So yea, for now I'm taking everyone's advice and just trying to turn any squirrely thoughts into positive ones and focusing on the fact that I have a super awesome girlfriend :)

 

                      
Vickie A.
on 10/12/09 6:21 am
Hey congrats on finding a wonderful woman!!!  I know what you are talking about though. I had my surgery 5/11/09 I have lost 93lbs, however I still feel like I did with the weight. I still feel self concious when I walk in the room (like everyone is looking at the fat chick). Best way (I think) to deal with this is communicate with her how you feel, so she understands if issues arise. Enjoy your blessings! Good luck  
        
ktownchicka
on 10/28/09 4:10 am - Canada
First off!  Congrats on getting the girl you wanted!  How many times have we wanted someone but , like you said, always thought they were out of our leagues because of our weight!  I honestly think its an easy solution that takes consistency and determination.  Every morning when you wake up, you need to give yourself the positive self talk.   Attached is a link of some positive self talk for self esteem.  Hope it helps


Tina
From Canada

http://www.mental-health-matters.com/index.php?option=com_co ntent&view=article&catid=178:self-esteem&id=1417:how-to-gain -self-esteem-by-increasing-positive-self-talk&Itemid=1912
Most Active
Recent Topics
Hi I'm new on here
Zellawillfly · 2 replies · 468 views
No activity!
Corey150 · 0 replies · 1047 views
RNY Surgery date closing in
missymoomoo12 · 1 replies · 1412 views
×