Lessons learned along the WLS path....

I have been thinking of this for awhile but wanted to share some of what I have learned since there are quite a few of you newbies on this board...I never thought I would be where I am now...almost 18 months out...and I know there are others out there that can chime in and share what they have learned....we can all share what we have learned...

this is from me....

**take lots of pictures before and along the way. Besides photos and of course we are all fixated on the scale....do measurements. It will help make it through the dreaded stalls and those times you try to weight yourself 10 times a day. In reality a few times a week is enough.

**Not only does **** happen, but STALLS happen...it is just how it is. The higher power isn't trying to pick on you or freak you out...the body just isn't a machine that is the same everyday...find something else to focus on...

**stalls are a great time to review if you have been following all the things you are supposed to do...sometimes just adding protein will help. Please do not whine about stalls if you are in to eating meals with lots of sodium or you are female. Sorry womyn, but with the hormones your weight is going to flucuate NO MATTER WHAT YOU WEIGH.

**Okay, this may not make me popular but it is true....people who are obese have issues with food and almost always issues with emotions (like anger). Food is a wonderful way to calm down...think of it like tasty mind numbing valium. Okay....when you stop the valium the feelings come back...Ouch! Trust me you are going to feel like you are on a roller coaster at times and you are going to get pissed! Now are there mean people out there, yes. BUT if you are mad and pissed it may just be you, okay? For example, anyone ever been through a death of someone close? So there are people who say nothing and avoid you, and people who unintentially say the wrong thing and people who say something that brings you comfort and makes you feel like you are not alone. These same people are out there after WLS. Just think about it. At some point you need to figure out how you are going to deal with your feelings once you are not using food for that purpose.

**When you have been fat, morbidly obese....after awhile you get used to it. In some ways it makes you invisable to others. Things change once you lost weight and yep, people are going to treat you differently. Some people for the right reason, some people for the wrong reasons. some people to take advantage of you and some people because you are smiling and happier now.... Think about and process....your feelings. Don't get a chip on your shoulder. I know I still notice that complete strangers treat me differently....it is amazing. Whether it is because of what our society values or because we have changed....decide for yourself. But there are some great people out there too. Be open to them.

** This kind of goes with the above, but if you have been overweight for along time, socially you are probably behind...especially when it comes to dating and dealing with those emotions. Protect yourself...and have safe fun.

**Exercise has been a godsend for me. I love seeing muscles and definition I have not seen before. I loved it when I was in a class with women who had never had a weight problem and I could keep up! Woo hoo! It also has helped give me a way to deal with emotions and I think jumpstarted my metabolism and weight loss. It makes you feel good too. Try it...more than once.

**Do think protein in food, but don't get in a rut. Branch out try new things, once you are 4-6 months out. I remember dreaming about fish, chicken and eggs....I remember fish, chicken and eggs not agreeing with my pouch for a long long time. It will get better at some point.

**I still follow the basic rules and I still have to eat slow and chew my food well, or I pay for it. It is worth it though.

**I so much love my body and most of my life now. I love my WLS. But I must be honest and say it didn't magically make my life perfect. I lost my partner along the way....I lost some friends....still have hard days....still cry and feel alone at times. Life is life and it doesn't matter what you weigh...there is good and bad. I know I sort of knew this but when you spend such a long time thinking if you just lost weight life would be perfect...well it won't be. Doesn't mean I regret my choices.

Whew, well that is enough for one night....what other lessons do the rest of you have out there??

deb366

Thanks for sharing.

I think about the invisibilty issue alot.  I used to totally believe I was invisible when morbidly obese but now I think I was more often shunned.  I think not looking at me, not seeing me, was active for most people.  Now, I feel invisible.  i blend into the fabric and people interact if I am engaged and not so much if I am just existing.  They don't worry about bumping into me, walk widely around or purposely look down or away anymore.  I am just part of the landscape now, not a mountain or obstacle. 

Mst, I think we go through so many changes in regards to body issues and how others perceive us it is just good to think about it and come to our own conclusions. I used to be sort of a class clown and it was fine as long as I was heavy, but as soon as I lost the weight, I really have to pay attention now to what I say. What was okay for the funny fat girl to say is not okay for me as a slim person to say. To me, I was still me but to others I am perceived differently.

I did go through a stage where I was trying to get an understanding of myself and my body space....I had to deal with my ex (who gained weight after we broke up) and sometimes she just seemed gianormous to me...like if we were in the hall at work together I felt like I needed to hug the wall or she would physically knock me down. I also notice that to myself I feel taller now?? I am not sure what that is about but I totally feel taller as a person.

One day I was in the grocery store, and you know normally how you just walk around and get your items and people don't really look at each other? And it was just bizarre...it felt like folks were looking at me and just getting out of the way...this was after I lost weight. In one case a husband took his wife and moved her out of my way. I felt like I was a queen or something and people were making eye contact and smiling ....weird. I felt very visable and wasn't comfortable with it.

While I am not sure visible/invisable are the correct terms I am looking for, I think when you are overweight you are dismissed or just not paided attention to. Now I sometimes feel like a mirror or that folks see something and reflect it back....and sometimes it is their own insecurity. Overall while folks perceptions and our own are changing I think it works best to be observant but not take it too personally.

Does it feel better to be part of the landscape? I remember going places and checking out a room to make sure I wasn't the fattest person there....now when I go into a room I am not really thinking about anyones weight...including my own. Just life is different...

deb366

PS I do sometimes miss the feeling that I was a "substantial" person. While I feel strong, I know people perceive me as smaller...

Good post!
Here are some of my lessons learned:

1. It's more than just weight loss. I concentrated so hard on the scale and failed to see other changes. I exercise almost fairly and have become quite an active bicyclist. I never dreamed I would be so active.

2. It's hard for you to see the change in yourself. I saw small changes but it just seemed like one day around 9 months out I really saw the changes in the mirror. I think we are all so critical of ourselves. Like the post said, take a lot of photos and look back on them often.

3. Diet, food and temptations are still there. I have adopted a pretty healthy diet, but those temptations are always there. I know I will always have to take responsibility to monitor my diet and keep myself healthy.

4. I have met so many wonderful people on my journey. This board Has meant a lot to me over the past 18 months. I am so active now and busy with many things. I regret I don't come back often. I think it is important to continue to support our "special community" here.

Tom

Wow Tom, you and your partner must have some great lessons having gone down the WLS path together. You both look amazing!

I think it helps to have photos of yourself but it is a transition to go from someone who doesn't have their picture taken to someone who does. I do love having a more active lifestyle! It is great. I did get a bike but haven't started riding it yet...for me the great thing has been running on the beach and being able to hike.

Thanks for sharing!

deb366

Deb,

Thanks for the compliments. The photo thing is so true. Brett and I are getting married this Saturday and having a reception in November. One of our friends is a videographer. She asked for photos of our 20 years together to make a video as a gift to us. I found plenty when we were younger and slimmer. As we got fatter, the photos seemed to disappear. We now take photos all the time. The interesting thing is that our old photos were pretty boring. Our new ones are usually action shot are shots of us doing things. I think we all know that the camera does not lie (and add 20 pounds) when it comes to weight.

I have to admit that I think I can do better. I still work on it daily. I am now losing at a snails pace of like 1-2 pounds a month.

Tom