Annoyance with kind words

Anyone else just getting irrationally annoyed with people who are being kind and encouraging? 

I'm 10 months out and friends are calling me "skinny" as a nickname; people who don't know me well gasp when they find out how much weight i've lost; someone who asked me about the surgery this morning said she couldn't believe I weigh as much as I say I do (a common comment lately). 

Every time this happens I feel insulted, like they're patronizing me.

These people are being kind, they're complimenting me - and still, my gut reaction is to take offense.  I'm not done yet - doctor's say I've still got another 70 to lose (goal weight: 250. Current weight: 322).  I resent them calling me skinny when I'm not done yet, and still feel fat.

I have to stop and think about my reaction in order to put it away.  I've started reminding people that I'm about 70 pounds away from the nickname "skinny", that I still have to earn it, and they actually look confused when I say that.  It feels like people are patting me on the back prematurely, but I can't seem to make them understand that. 

They're still looking at what I've accomplished - 215 pounds lost. I'm looking ahead at what is still left to be done - 70 pounds left to go.  And with everyone around me looking backwards and me the only one looking forwards...suddenly this trip, which I've felt incredible support on every step of the way...is suddenly feeling a little lonelier.

Anyone else go through this?

I hate being called skinny. I have a name. And I don't feel skinny so it makes me feel ackward ....*sigh*

My annoyance is at being called happy from pictures!  On Facebook, I've gotten all kinds of comments on how I am happier, smiley whatever.  I wasn't unhappy before, just hated to have my picture taken!

I know exactly what you mean. Heck I probably could've written just about all of that. I'm 5lbs away from the big 100 and I'm really happy with "the new me" and I really do appreciate the compliments I get, but at the same time some of it comes across as really condesending and annoying. I mean I'm bouncing between first and third shift right now so I'm kind of tired cranky girl anyway.

I ran into some one at work today that I hadn't seen in awhile. He had a band a few years ago so he takes an interest in my weight loss. Today he said I'm gonna waste away. I know he meant it as a compliment but the first thing I thought was "oh hush."

I wish I could offer some sort of advice on how to get out of it, but being that I'm in the exact same spot I don't think I'm the best to help. I can give you a "I know what you mean" and quote one of my favorite Steel Magnolias - if you don't have anything nice to say, come sit next to me LOL

I feel the same way. I am so tired of being called skinny, never thought I would say that after being fat all my life but I am. Had a health assessment at work last week and they said I am still over weight, so now I have proof I am not skinny. I am skinner than I was but in my mind that is not skinny

Been there. I started saying "tiny is a four letter word" I got so tired of it!! Had a couple friends use it and talk to me about it ...and the process for me was that I still consider myself a strong person and volumpous....and "tiny" sounds diminutive.

So having mostly processed it I think....that 1) the changing body image is a major thing we have to go through. Not just how we perceive ourselves but how others perceive us. It continues to be an issue for me...but I have now had several good friends and my therapist say that it is a word to describe a size not my personhood. My therapist said he couldn't remember how I used to look anymore but now I am "as slender as a reed". Which was much easier to take than "tiny" which makes me feel like a little lap dog that should have a pink bow on her head.

I go back again and again, that we all have lenses/filters on....and most of the time I feel like I am a mirror and when people see me it brings out their own body image issues.

I also don't talk about weight anymore. I am 18 months out now. At first I would tell anyone who asked now I am more private...most folks who have not ever had a real weight problem do not know what it means to lose 50, 100, 150 pounds....it would be like talking to me about billions of dollars...I will say, yes you are right I have lost weight. Or just aknowledge it and move on or change the topic. Before I got to my first goal folks started saying (fearfully) you are going to stop soon aren't you? I am way under where I thought I would be...the body on some level gets to where it is going and stays there. If I want to discuss weight...I talk to my WLS friends....not to other people...they can not get it, get it?

I have made new friends (kept many of the old ones) the folks who see me all the time are used to how I look now. And I pretty much am too.

They are not "patting you on the back prematurely" You have done something amazing, you have accomplished something ******g fantastic....you should be patting yourself on the back...Yes, you still have a ways to go in your mind and with your body....but don't ignore what you have already accomplish.

Lesson in manners~ If someone compliments you, fking say "thank you" and move on. Don't share all your inner confusion with them....they don't get it, never will unless they have had a major weight issue and have lost a large amount of weight. Get a support group that understands you (mmm, here is a great idea) but in your face friends are good too.

So you wouldn't expect someone who loves Palin to get get nationalized health care, would you?....People who have never been obese..let alone morbidly obese, are not going to "get" that there are major physical (and mental and emotional) changes that occur when you lose the equivilent of one to two people...

YOU ARE NOT ALONE....garner your support...the folks who do understand...

While I am done with the losing....I will never be done with maintanence...we are all on a journey....we are not alone...

deb366


PS I find I sometimes have more issues with anger and anxiety since I no longer have food as a crutch. I try to pay attention to it now....so when you are thirsty drink, hungry eat some protein, and tired make sure you get sleep....and when I am anxious I work on breathing and listening to music

 no one's giving me nicknames but I'm finding it very difficult to take compliments in regards to my weight loss......it's almost to the point where I'm uncomfortable....i say thank you but then they just go on as to how happy i should be.....blah blah blah...fact of the matter is, I'm NOT happy because I know what i look like nekkid.  I often compare myself to Frakenstein's monster LOL

I totally get what you are saying!  I get the whole Are you doing Losing?, You're getting really skinny, How much have you lost?, are you still losing? Blah Blah stuff all the time.  I usually say that I am still losing and my boyd will figure it all out when it is ready.  I don't consider myself done yet.

I have really had to embrace some of Deb's advice.  If someone makes a compliment, say Thanks!  I reallly appreciate that  and move on.  It really has made things a lot easier for me.  I know that the people that are paying compliments to me care and are being genuine.

This is such a journey that I wish people could just try and fathom what we have been through to get where we are.  Most will never get it.  Congrats to you!!!!