Guys
What's with us gay guys. I've always considered myself sweet, kind, and caring. I know I've never been the looker, but why do all guys feel they can just walk over you. I've been single for way to long. I've tried finding a guy at big guy bars and websites, but only to be treated as bad by the guys who think we are freaks because we don't work out ever other second. I'm just tired of it. Now I wonder if I'm doing this surgery for me, or for the hopes that someone will like me in a different body style. I just don't know anymore. Sorry to the rant, just feel like crap.
sfnativewm
on 8/26/09 11:37 am
on 8/26/09 11:37 am
Women go throught the same BS!!!!!! I just suggest that you lose the weight and focus on getting healthy and the rest will follow. I find that the kinder I am to myself staying focused to feel better, I only allow the best to come my way!! Good luck on your journey!!!
~Ann~
Band removed and feeling alive with energy!
Hey Donovan!
I'm not lesbian or bisexual or anything but I saw your post on my home page and just had to add my 2 cents. Its natural to not only want to get healthy for us but for the guys to notice too! We see it all the time not so good looking or overweight girl/guy gets treated badly by all boyfriends....gets better looking and punches them in the balls and says "YOU KNOW WHY!" we all want that moment and sue us for being as vain to think in the back of our minds that after WLS that time will come quicker than it might have if we didn't have WLS.
I'm only down about 20lbs and I'm already making a mental list of the stores, bars and clubs I'm gonna have to visit after the next 30 come off just to see their faces!
I'm not lesbian or bisexual or anything but I saw your post on my home page and just had to add my 2 cents. Its natural to not only want to get healthy for us but for the guys to notice too! We see it all the time not so good looking or overweight girl/guy gets treated badly by all boyfriends....gets better looking and punches them in the balls and says "YOU KNOW WHY!" we all want that moment and sue us for being as vain to think in the back of our minds that after WLS that time will come quicker than it might have if we didn't have WLS.
I'm only down about 20lbs and I'm already making a mental list of the stores, bars and clubs I'm gonna have to visit after the next 30 come off just to see their faces!
199 here I come!
I'm in the same boat as Elsie's mommy(did I get that right) I'm not gay or bi in fact I have been extremely married to the world's greatest guy for 3 years but I was married to a bi now fully out man for 7 years, anyway my current husband and I both had band surgery in 2008 and I started losing weight and all of the sudden dipstick(the ex-husband ) start****ting on me and I'm like your joking right you got rid of me because I was TOO fat after I had our daughter and now you have the nerve to hit on me in front of my husband and behind your man's back you stupid b*tch
It is also so weird how friends and family react to you. My husband's future sister-in-law rarely spoke to me and now all of the sudden it's like we are an after school special. Then there are also the friends that always considered you the fat friend yeah well guess what now they have all had babies and other life changing events and are now overweight and ask Patrick and I for advice and were both like umm ok where were you when we needed weight management advice
It's just annoying so now we are just doing this for us oh and a mutual love for clothes
(this forum is just so much better and more real than a lot of the others)
It is also so weird how friends and family react to you. My husband's future sister-in-law rarely spoke to me and now all of the sudden it's like we are an after school special. Then there are also the friends that always considered you the fat friend yeah well guess what now they have all had babies and other life changing events and are now overweight and ask Patrick and I for advice and were both like umm ok where were you when we needed weight management advice
It's just annoying so now we are just doing this for us oh and a mutual love for clothes
(this forum is just so much better and more real than a lot of the others)
Yeah buddy! I've always disliked the whole mentality you just described. Whatever they throw at me I give it right back to them. It's hard to meet good honest people in general though... it's not you. Don't blame yourself. Trust me on that one. It's not exclusive to the bear scene, gay scene, it's common across all aspects, gay, straight, bi... whatever. Just concentrate on YOU because that's all that matters.
I finally got around to finishing watching the British version of Queer as Folk today, and I do have to say that it is far superior to the American version. Anyway, to my point. I know the show is criticized for being an unfair representation of the gay community. We may not want to admit it, it may seem politically incorrect, but in a lot of ways it is very true to life. Gays seem to be so youth obsessed and visually driven. The "beautiful" people seem to get all the action. It is unfortunate, but true. Anyone who's ever been to a gay club would know. So I do know where you're coming from.
Everyone gets rejected. I'm aware that we all know "that guy," you know the one who seems to get whatever guy they want. But believe me, there are always those out there who they will never get. In my last few months in the states, I was having fun at the bars. Yes, I slept around quite a bit. I even found out that, to many of my friends, that I seemed to have become "that guy" in their eyes; the one who seems to get any guy he wants. And that was surprising. Flattering as hell, but surprising nonetheless.
Carrying that label was an eye opener because I was finally standing with a view of both sides of the fence. Despite their characterization, I knew that I couldn't get any guy I wanted. I knew that I had my fair share of no's and rejections. I knew that no matter what others may think, there are quite a few people out there who wouldn't look at me twice. The difference is that I don't care. I've learned to carry my head high and not to give **** what others think. I learned to take rejection in stride; it's healthy and character building to be shot down a few times. Just remember that rejection says NOTHING about you; however, it reveals quite a bit about them. If a guy tells me no, thanks, that's okay. I'm still the same person I always was. Now, I just know a little more about him.
I have had this confidence and self-assuredness even back to my heavy days. These qualities do show and make you more attractive. Quit saying things like, What's up with us gay guys, and I've never been the looker, because not everyone out there is looking for the same thing and to quite a few people out there, you are flawlessly beautiful. Just hold yourself up and trust that life will work out in whatever way you want it to work out. You may just have to tweak your attitude a little to get there.
On the surgery, if you're doing it because you hope it will make you more physically appealing, don't do it. If you think it will help you with your confidence issue, cancel it completely. Do it because you want to be healthy, happy and free of the trappings of an obese lifestyle. And just trust that, with your health improving, YOU can focus on improving the other things as well. Your surgeon or nut can't do it. Only you. And you know what that means? You can start working on it NOW.
Best of luck,
Cheers,
Chris
Everyone gets rejected. I'm aware that we all know "that guy," you know the one who seems to get whatever guy they want. But believe me, there are always those out there who they will never get. In my last few months in the states, I was having fun at the bars. Yes, I slept around quite a bit. I even found out that, to many of my friends, that I seemed to have become "that guy" in their eyes; the one who seems to get any guy he wants. And that was surprising. Flattering as hell, but surprising nonetheless.
Carrying that label was an eye opener because I was finally standing with a view of both sides of the fence. Despite their characterization, I knew that I couldn't get any guy I wanted. I knew that I had my fair share of no's and rejections. I knew that no matter what others may think, there are quite a few people out there who wouldn't look at me twice. The difference is that I don't care. I've learned to carry my head high and not to give **** what others think. I learned to take rejection in stride; it's healthy and character building to be shot down a few times. Just remember that rejection says NOTHING about you; however, it reveals quite a bit about them. If a guy tells me no, thanks, that's okay. I'm still the same person I always was. Now, I just know a little more about him.
I have had this confidence and self-assuredness even back to my heavy days. These qualities do show and make you more attractive. Quit saying things like, What's up with us gay guys, and I've never been the looker, because not everyone out there is looking for the same thing and to quite a few people out there, you are flawlessly beautiful. Just hold yourself up and trust that life will work out in whatever way you want it to work out. You may just have to tweak your attitude a little to get there.
On the surgery, if you're doing it because you hope it will make you more physically appealing, don't do it. If you think it will help you with your confidence issue, cancel it completely. Do it because you want to be healthy, happy and free of the trappings of an obese lifestyle. And just trust that, with your health improving, YOU can focus on improving the other things as well. Your surgeon or nut can't do it. Only you. And you know what that means? You can start working on it NOW.
Best of luck,
Cheers,
Chris
I don't think it's accurate to take what happens at gay clubs and expand that to say that all gay guys are like that. That's why I've always been uncomfortable with the whole "gay community" terminology. I don't consider myself part of a gay community any more than anyone else thinks of themselves as being in a straight community. Something to remember is that the kind of guys you seem to be looking for aren't all that likely to visit the gay bars or clubs.
About the surgery, the main reason we should all be doing it is for our health, of course. But I think we'd be lying to ourselves if we said that there wasn't even a small part of us that does it for vain reasons. Whether it's to get a date, be more confident, do more things, I'm sure it has something to do with why you are having the surgery, and that's okay, as long as your health is still #1.
About the surgery, the main reason we should all be doing it is for our health, of course. But I think we'd be lying to ourselves if we said that there wasn't even a small part of us that does it for vain reasons. Whether it's to get a date, be more confident, do more things, I'm sure it has something to do with why you are having the surgery, and that's okay, as long as your health is still #1.
i sorta second the comment about finding someone in a bar. that "scene" is what it is. big guy bars and websites tend to objectify big men as a fetish, so if you're looking for true love, it's probably a long shot. i'm not saying it's not possible.
i just think that the dating pool is so limited to begin with that some/most bars and websites keep you in the shallow end. and clearly that's not what you want.
you live close enough to denver to have access to a gazillion other ways to meet gay men. what makes you the amazing person you are? do something along those lines, and you'll likely find someone who has the same interests and values. there's a glbt community center, and through that you can find a whole bunch of activities and groups to join/volunteer. denver has a glbt commission, a glbt chamber of commerce, a gay men's chorus, a couple of glbt bowling leagues. you can volunteer with your pride organization, or get involved with the rodeo. don't see what interests you, contact the community center and start your own group.
these are just some ways to meet people outside of the bar scene.
and i think it doesn't matter why you're doing the surgery. do it. you'll find yourself in the process.
sal
i just think that the dating pool is so limited to begin with that some/most bars and websites keep you in the shallow end. and clearly that's not what you want.
you live close enough to denver to have access to a gazillion other ways to meet gay men. what makes you the amazing person you are? do something along those lines, and you'll likely find someone who has the same interests and values. there's a glbt community center, and through that you can find a whole bunch of activities and groups to join/volunteer. denver has a glbt commission, a glbt chamber of commerce, a gay men's chorus, a couple of glbt bowling leagues. you can volunteer with your pride organization, or get involved with the rodeo. don't see what interests you, contact the community center and start your own group.
these are just some ways to meet people outside of the bar scene.
and i think it doesn't matter why you're doing the surgery. do it. you'll find yourself in the process.
sal
Do it for YOU!!!!
Personally... the hotest guys are the ones with the best self esteem... the warm and happy guys that aren't snobs, and aren't afraid to say hi.... (Body type is the last thing I look at... although meat on the bones and hair on the chest is a plus
)
You need to be happy with who you are, and having been in your situaiton I know you'll be happy with yourself after surgery. It's like you're at the top of the world.
Remember... the second you stop looking, Mr Right will find you. Be happy with YOU! Don't care what people think! You'll give off a sexier vibe ;-)
Do it for your health, do it to feel good about yourself, do it so you can buy clothes off the rack, do it so you can sit in a booth without worrying about space, do it to fit in a ride or an airplane, DO IT FOR YOU
Vent away buddy... I'm sure we've all been there.
Personally... the hotest guys are the ones with the best self esteem... the warm and happy guys that aren't snobs, and aren't afraid to say hi.... (Body type is the last thing I look at... although meat on the bones and hair on the chest is a plus
)You need to be happy with who you are, and having been in your situaiton I know you'll be happy with yourself after surgery. It's like you're at the top of the world.
Remember... the second you stop looking, Mr Right will find you. Be happy with YOU! Don't care what people think! You'll give off a sexier vibe ;-)
Do it for your health, do it to feel good about yourself, do it so you can buy clothes off the rack, do it so you can sit in a booth without worrying about space, do it to fit in a ride or an airplane, DO IT FOR YOU
Vent away buddy... I'm sure we've all been there.
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