gf issues

Good Morn OH,

My surgery date is approaching fast and I'm excited but my gf seems to be getting very anxious. I am hearing things like she thinks I will change after losing weight. I try very hard to assure her that I will be the same person I am now just healthier and a little more confident. I don't feel like losing weight will make you not want someone you love anymore, but she thinks it will. She also states that she won't be able to keep up with me once the weight is gone because she is eleven years older. I don't want to disregard her feelings and I want her to trust me. Has anyone else gone through this and if so how did you help your partner through it?

Its all about support ask her to join you in the movement to be healthy. Not only are you choosing the right of life you also want her to be with you in this journey. I'm unclear of her health status but I would suggest telling her you want her to be here another 11 more years with you so why don't you join me in changing eating habits, taking those walks with you, so she won't feel left out in your change of life.

No your love will not change but your self confidence will.Encourage slow but gradual changes she may need to improve on.

Thanks, sounds like great advice. We did start working out together, but lately she hasn't wanted to work out with me. I will keep trying.

What you are going through is so normal. It's hard for our partners to see such a big change in us. It feels threatening to them, cause it's a positive change. They got with us when we were big, and maybe a bit of low self esteem. Now all of a sudden here we are losing weight and feeling so much better about ourselves, that they tend to feel left behind in a way. It's just their fears, and in time when they realize that we aren't going anywhere and that we are still the same person just in a smaller form..they'll come around and realize that we still love them, and everything is OK.

It's great that your partner feels secure enough in her relationship with you to express her fears.  I doubt anything you say can make those fears go away.  She will have to trust you which is hard.

My partner of 11 years also had some similiar fears but realizes that I have it pretty good with him.  We are very much alike so that makes things easier.  He has never had a weight problem and has never commented on my yo-yo body.  He didn't "notice" when I got to 320 and he didn't say anything when I got down to 235.  With my RNY I am now at 260 again and feel good (5 month anniversay today!).  He hasn't said anything. 

You might suggest therapy for your friend.  I think that can be a great tool to express fears and doubts without affecting the relationship you share.  It is not your job to make her feel anything.  Good or Bad.

Good luck to you!!!

Gerald

 I understand...My wife is relaly supportive, but I know she is a little nervous too.  We have been together for 10 yrs and I have always been heavy.  I think she is afraid that I will turn in to someone totlaly different, and I keep reassuring her that is not the case.  Mostly she is excited too, but I think partly she is nervous too.

I too am worried about my girlfriend.  She has mentioned quite a few times that she is scared that I will leave her or I will change.  I can't lie, I'm afraid I will be different too!  I definatley won't leave her but I'm sure I will go through SOMETHING.  I have been fat my entire life!!  I dont know what its like to be thin.  C'mon, that has to do something!  I told her I love her very much and when it seems I am "acting strange" or "stupid"  to please just hold on tighter and have patience because this is a dream come true to me, just like she is my dream come true as well!  I'm not saying I will cheat or leave AT ALL(NO WAY)!  But, it is going to be a little strange here and there.   When I think of losing weight, the first thing I think of is having more fun with her, not being ashamed of my body, or riding on the back of a motorcycle, holding on to her,  without feeling embarressed!  So, it is all about her all the time!  I try to tell her this but she still worries.  But, I know we will make it through.  Anyone else feel this way?  Afraid of the unknown?? 

Its funny how this surgery brings out the insecurity in the people around us.  You will be surprised at who will be jealous, snarky and not supportive.  It was the people I least expected.  I cant tell you how many people were mad because now they were going to be the "fat" friend.  Not exactly the responses I was expecting!  The same goes with partners.  We all have issues, and they are afraid that with the confidence, will come options.  New people who find you attractive, and you desiring someone who will have similar healthy interestes.  Just remember that you need to focus on yourself and not let reassuring her become the focus of your process!  In the end, you will be healthy and strong, together or alone!  

Perfectly put, Reddingbarb!!

I kept telling the hubby I loved him totally. I think he was afraid that I would go out and find someone new since I never really dated much. We have been married a little over 5 years (anniversary was in June) and I am about 18 months out. We are now stronger than ever and I can't get over how much I love him. Once we got over the whole you are going to change thing we were mostly fine. I did have issues with his Mom that got worse after I got confidence. He finally started to stand up to her after going to therapy and realizing how close he was to losing me. It was about his mom not us.