Rant. Frustrated. Stalled

I recognized this weekend that I have allowed my partner to totally derail my journey.  We went through a really rough time, almost broke up, and I started pacifying her by doing unhealthy things.  Eating things I should not.  Not cooking, not doing the thinks I need to do to get to my goal weight.  And I am angry about it.  Not at her, but at me.  I am smarter than that.  She is not taking care of herself.  Has stopped taking her insulin or even testing her blood sugar.  Wont work out.  Wont eat right.  Constantly offers me food that I cant or should not eat.  Refuses the healthy options.  She is angry I have lost weight and is not supportive at all.  I am sad and angry.  I have wasted a couple of months of weightloss, dangling on the same ten pounds.  I got up and went to the gym this morning.  I ate a protien bar and I refuse to emotionally eat to make this relationship better anymore.  No more eating out for me.  I am over it.  Getting back on track and if that means I am alone, so be it.  I only want to lose another 30 pounds or so, so it has not been urgent to me, but now that I can see how clearly she has been trying to stop my loss, It is.  This is not what love looks like.  Just saying.

 My heart was aching for you when I read this.  I read it to my wife and expressed my gratitude to her that I have her support, even when she feels insecure.  It seems your partner is in a really bad self sabotaging state of mind and in her insecurity, is trying to take you down with her.  Is there any chance the 2 of you could get counseling?  I'm so sorry you are having to choose between her and your health, but at this point in time, it seems like you have to.  I hope she can realize that she's literally killing herself with her attitude and destroying your relationship as well.  Maybe now that you're refocusing on your personal health (remember the analogy of putting on your mask first if there's an emergency on the airplane?), she'll start to come around.  If not, as harsh as this sounds, it may be time to move on.  As I write this, I think about how devastated I'd be if your situation was mine and I hope with all my heart that yours will improve.

First and foremost, you have to live with yourself for the rest of your life, so your own health has to be on the top of the list.  You've put so much energy into this change to turn back.  I wish you the best.  If you need to talk, please feel free to contact me.  You can email me direct at [email protected].

aloha,
barb

Barb,

You have come so far. Many months ago when I was in my uber-*****y stalled mode, I got some great advice from a chat buddy. He told me to look at this as a journey. You have ups and downs.  You have to abandon thinking you have lost many months fighting with the same pounds. Start with change today. His best advice was " Look back 5 years from now. Did these months make a difference in the total loss?"  They probably won't. We all fall land stumble, but we all need to get up and keep going. You are doing fine, girl.

On another note, I am stalled too but I look at is an opportunity to make more changes. I have had a wonderful journey. I decided to step back from chat for awhile and take some inventory. That's why I am absent alot. I check in with you guys thou. So, before I start *****ing again, I too need to make some changes.

Tom

I am sorry this is happening!  Be forever true to you and your health!  The rest of life will happen for your highest good!  Some people just get scared and sabotage their mates instead of helping them!   Open communication will help!  Be kind to you and to each other!

sorry to hear about this hun. Good luck with everything.

Today is my second day at the gym.  Going to bed early, getting up before work and heading out.  Zumba yesterday and spinning today.  Grilled salmon last night with veggies and quinoa for dinner last night and for lunch today.  Went shopping, bought the healthy things I need to make it. 

I had a long talk with the partner last night.  She does not understand why I have been hurt and distant for the last few days.  She has no idea how emotionally abandoned I feel.   I tried so hard to explain to her that I need to have a direction in my life.  It has been 2 years we have been together and she still is unable to commit.  Even though we live together and share expenses and have bought a car together, she does not know if I am what she wants.  With the emotional changes going on from the weight loss on top of this, its really tough.  I have given up on myself for a couple of months out of fear of change and loss.  I am changing that for me or I am never going to get it under control.

I love her so much but its time to start loving me.  I deserve to be someones priority.  After two years if you dont know if you want me, you already have your answer.  I cant keep changing me in an effort to be what she wants.  I am an incredible, strong, independant woman.  I am a great mom and damn it, I look good.  Its sad she does not see that in her own insecurity.  She is so afraid I will leave she is forcing me to make decisions I never wanted to.  UGH!

OMG!!  Been there done that!   I know how you feel to so love someone that is not the same back!!!   Please learn from my lingering on mistakes!!!!  Run like hell!!!  Love yourself, and someone wonderful will come to your life!!!!  I wasted 10 years!!!   I am so blessed now for the past 8 years!!!!!

You sound like you've got a great head on your shoulders and an impassioned heart in your chest. Barb, keep loving you and making your health a priority (mental, physical and emotional) as you are worth it. Whatever you decide to do, know that you have a whole host of people who love and support you.
Take Great Care,
danni