Please give me guidance about ex-husband
I have been lurking and sometimes posting on this forum just because I think the glbt posters are the most honest, open and welcoming group.
Now I need a little guidance in regards to my ex-husband Mark( in case your wondering I am a heterosexual woman).
Mark is a bi-sexual man who up till recently except for me has always tried to keep his choices to be bi his business, he does share with me what's usually going on because his family and friends are the least open and unaccepting of "non-normal" relationships and we have been close going on 16 years now.
The dilemma he is having is he has met a man who he really really cares about. He feels like it is time to introduce our daughter to him. I agree. I just want to know if anyone has any suggestions on the most informative and caring way my ex can explain everything to her. Mollie is 13 and has been very very supportive of glb and t people. My ex, my husband now and I have always tried to teach her that if god made people this way it is clearly not and ugly or sinful thing and that everyone deserves the same rights and benefits as my husband and I are given.
His next problem is telling his family(most of them are very homophobic- not his brothers and sisters though). He feels like telling his dad will cause a huge upheaval and his father and step mom may cut him out of their lives. I feel like his mom and step dad will be more supportive and open to Mark's choices.
Any advice I can give him from y'all is appreciated
Now I need a little guidance in regards to my ex-husband Mark( in case your wondering I am a heterosexual woman).
Mark is a bi-sexual man who up till recently except for me has always tried to keep his choices to be bi his business, he does share with me what's usually going on because his family and friends are the least open and unaccepting of "non-normal" relationships and we have been close going on 16 years now.
The dilemma he is having is he has met a man who he really really cares about. He feels like it is time to introduce our daughter to him. I agree. I just want to know if anyone has any suggestions on the most informative and caring way my ex can explain everything to her. Mollie is 13 and has been very very supportive of glb and t people. My ex, my husband now and I have always tried to teach her that if god made people this way it is clearly not and ugly or sinful thing and that everyone deserves the same rights and benefits as my husband and I are given.
His next problem is telling his family(most of them are very homophobic- not his brothers and sisters though). He feels like telling his dad will cause a huge upheaval and his father and step mom may cut him out of their lives. I feel like his mom and step dad will be more supportive and open to Mark's choices.
Any advice I can give him from y'all is appreciated
You're pretty awesome if you ask me. How incredibly progressive you are for sticking by your ex.
As far as telling your daughter, or his other family, well there's no easy way to do it. They will react the way they will react. The only thing to do is to focus on the positives.
He'll be validating his relationship with his new partner
He'll be out to his close family, and those who accept and love him will stick by
You're awesome!
As far as telling your daughter, or his other family, well there's no easy way to do it. They will react the way they will react. The only thing to do is to focus on the positives.
He'll be validating his relationship with his new partner
He'll be out to his close family, and those who accept and love him will stick by
You're awesome!
Hey Angus,
Thanks for the complement . I just think it is high time for all of us to be accepting of our friends family and neighbors choices. With all of the finacial, poverty and combat turmoil we are in I think that unaccepting straight people need to get off their high horses mind their own damn business and be happy that there are stable people in loving relationships. Besides that I read an article in a magazine a few weeks ago that there has been an ongoing study for about the last 15 or so years and that homosexual realtionships and the one's who choose to raise children are more likely to stay with their life partner basically for life as compared to we straights who will divorce or break up at the drop of the hat and also most children who grow up with 2 moms or dads are actually better behaved, do better in school and are basically more well rounded due to there life experiences than children from heterosexual parents.
I think that it will be a bit hard for the first couple of weeks for our daughter Mollie but I really think she will go with the flow as long as he is happy and our close relationship doesn't change(mine and her dad's)
Thanks for the complement . I just think it is high time for all of us to be accepting of our friends family and neighbors choices. With all of the finacial, poverty and combat turmoil we are in I think that unaccepting straight people need to get off their high horses mind their own damn business and be happy that there are stable people in loving relationships. Besides that I read an article in a magazine a few weeks ago that there has been an ongoing study for about the last 15 or so years and that homosexual realtionships and the one's who choose to raise children are more likely to stay with their life partner basically for life as compared to we straights who will divorce or break up at the drop of the hat and also most children who grow up with 2 moms or dads are actually better behaved, do better in school and are basically more well rounded due to there life experiences than children from heterosexual parents.
I think that it will be a bit hard for the first couple of weeks for our daughter Mollie but I really think she will go with the flow as long as he is happy and our close relationship doesn't change(mine and her dad's)
Some people are much more pliable than they themselves even realize, some are not though. My personal experience is you have to be you and let the chips fall where they may. Sometimes those chips don't settle in completely for years or perhaps no in the optimal position but they will fall and life does go on and is just fine. Example: I am not nearly as close to my extended family now but, My relationship with my parents and siblings and my own children is like reinforced steel now. It took time though and you must be patient. I wish you and your ex the best and know that you will find the best because it is apparent that you have a uncommonly kind heart.
Thank you all for your postive responses. My poor ex-husband just feels like our daughter, myself and my current husband are the only family he has left and I think that's just a sad sad situation. My Mom (who usually doesn't like him to terribly well) is even supporting him. She said if it were me or my brother she just couldn't imagine turning her back on either one of us just because of the relationship we choose and are destined to be in.
I just want him to find a stable relationship be it with a man or a woman and just be happy and settled I think after everything he has been through ex: the military, our divorce, discovering the true him that he deserves some calm and peace in his life.
I just want him to find a stable relationship be it with a man or a woman and just be happy and settled I think after everything he has been through ex: the military, our divorce, discovering the true him that he deserves some calm and peace in his life.
Hi Wendy,
This is a very difficult and powerful time for you and your daughter. What I have learned in my coming out, my daughter's coming out, my divorce, and dealing with all the familial issues is that people will have their own experience and control over any of it is an illusion. It is important for each person to be allowed to have their own experience, to move through it in their own way. The only thing you and your ex-h can do is continue to love each person through it. Your daughter is the only one truly that you can influence... and you both will do that more through your example of quiet peace (non-drama) and love and acceptance than through any words you can share with her. Stand strong and resolute in your convictions of acceptance and she will have the permission she need to follow in your footsteps.
I honor your strength and loving hearts in all of this. My wish is that there were more like you in this world. But with you and your family as examples, maybe it will spread!
Thank you!
This is a very difficult and powerful time for you and your daughter. What I have learned in my coming out, my daughter's coming out, my divorce, and dealing with all the familial issues is that people will have their own experience and control over any of it is an illusion. It is important for each person to be allowed to have their own experience, to move through it in their own way. The only thing you and your ex-h can do is continue to love each person through it. Your daughter is the only one truly that you can influence... and you both will do that more through your example of quiet peace (non-drama) and love and acceptance than through any words you can share with her. Stand strong and resolute in your convictions of acceptance and she will have the permission she need to follow in your footsteps.
I honor your strength and loving hearts in all of this. My wish is that there were more like you in this world. But with you and your family as examples, maybe it will spread!
Thank you!
"When patterns are broken, new worlds emerge." -Tuli Kupferberg
Yes I feel very blessed that my ex-husband can count on me. I really think it is a big help that my current husband is so supportive of my ex-husband since we got married 3 years ago my husband told the ex that good, bad or ugly he will always have our(mine abd his) support and no matter what we are his family and family takes care of family. My mom went to the library yesterday to look and see if she could find some titles in the self-help section to tell Mark about hoping that it will give him some guidance as to how to explain it to our daughter. One of the worst things is he was raised Catholic and now he feels like his religion will shut him out. We told him there are plenty of progressive churches out there that will welcome him with open arms. The thing that has been so amazing about this is I know he must be hurting inside and afraid but he is really putting his best foot forward and having a positive attitude.
I think eventually during my child's generation there will be more peace and understanding. In our school system(yup in redneck KY) they are teaching zero tolerance on any kind of discrimination based on skin, sexual orientation and religion. I just feel like it's time people get their heads out of their *sses and be happy for each other
I think eventually during my child's generation there will be more peace and understanding. In our school system(yup in redneck KY) they are teaching zero tolerance on any kind of discrimination based on skin, sexual orientation and religion. I just feel like it's time people get their heads out of their *sses and be happy for each other
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