Gat guilt vs Gay guilt

Hey everyone -

I've been thinking a lot lately about the concepts of shame and pride - not very surprising, considering it's pride weekend all over the place.

I've been thinking lately that while I've always had a lot of shame about being fat, where I'd avoid parties and social situations if I didn't have time to get my confidence up or wouldn't take my shirt off in outdoor situations, I've never had a ton of shame about being gay.  While not the most "out" person in the world, it's not because i'm closeted but because I don't have many mannerisms that people associate with being gay.

Other than being a big musical theater fan.  

It's almost that I was so wrapped up in my shame about my body that I didn't have any energy left over for the shame that so many other gay guys have for their sexuality. 

Did anyone else feel this way?  Like being gay was nothing, socially speaking, compared to being fat?

Just curious what everyone has to say on the matter.

Don

Er...title should have read "Fat Guilt" not "Gat guilt".

Whoopsie.

I would agree with you. I've never had guilt or shame about being gay, but of course have had a lot of shame about being fat. There are a couple of books about this that I found helpful. One was Coming Out Within which was about pride and spirituality in the largest sense and the other was Coming Out of Shame by Gershon Kaufmann who is a gay psychotherapist. Both have been available for a number of years, if you want them and can't find them, let me know and maybe I can track them down.

Connie 

Edit: they are both on Amazon 

Thanks for the heads up!  Those sound interesting...I'll keep an eye out!

Thanks for the thought provoking post.  I totally identify.  I've been out since college with complete personal and "rest of my world" acceptance.  But, I've also been obese to morbidly obese since college with total shame and fear of the rest of the world.  I never stopped participating in life (had surgery when I started to withdraw) but my shame led to such anxiety.  I too should consider reading some of the suggested books.  I think I/we can take our "out" confidence/skills and apply to obesity and weight loss issues.  In my case, I am open and honest out being gay.  It is just part of me and my everyday life.  I am learning to be similarly open and honest about my weight loss, weight-related issues, fears and successes.  Previously, I would never talk about anything related to my obesity, exercise or food.  I feel so much better talking about all now . . . maybe because of my success, but perhaps because of acceptance?  I am so much less paranoid and it feels so nice.

Good Morning All,This is a really good question,It got my mind going.I have no shame abut being a lesbian.I came out to my family when i was 17 took so time for mom to accept but she has come around.Like you i'm not the most "out" and its not becasue i'm hiding or anything it's just that i've bee told that i "dont look like a lesbian" whatever that suppose to mean,I didnt know that lesbians had a look.....lol.Anyway  i would rather tell someone that i was a lesbian that to reveal my real weight.For many years i've felt gulity becasue i let myself get so big,when i could have stop it.I live in nyc and pride is this sunday and i'm not going because i had a bad experience my first that i went and i went a couple times after that but never really felt comfortable because i was afraid that people was looking at me like i didnt deserve to be there and i know it because of my weight.

That's so funny (odd not haha) I had the opposite problem. I never cared about how I looked but I was so guilty about being gay that it certainly contributed to the weight gain. I was so deep in the closet- I became a born again fanatical Christan!! I felt so much guilt about who I was attracted to, but rarely cared that I was morbidly obese. 

However, now I'm out and proud- going to Pride today and losing weight too!

Love all you gays!!
-d

I can relate more with you... I mom is like SUPER christian..   and I'm 30 yrs old, and to this day, she still have no clue that I am bisexual. In fact, no one in my family does. Only my closest friends. And, I don't feel like it's because I'm a ashamed.. it's just because I don't want to deal with the bull**** I think my family would completely turn their backs on me if they ever knew..  and as horrible as that is.. it's not something that I would ever want.. so...my secret is my business..  

As far as being overweight..  I have always been confident on the outside and scared on the inside. But I have always been more comfortable with being overweight then being bisexual.  I'm my family and in my career field, that's a no-no. ..  Society sucks at times... lol

Like you, I've "Gat guilt" over being obese rather then being gay. I've never really considered myself "In the Closet", it was seemingly a no brainer for me. Even when I was in the army, I had a goup of friends who "protected" me from some of the gay hatters.

I've alwasy been more ashamed for being overweight then obese more then anything else. What is surprising is I would have a few years when I was an acceptable weight, and I would join in gay sports teams or be more active in the community. But when I gained the weight, I kinda became a hermit. I havent even told some of my old friends that I'm back in the area yet because of my weight issues.