Need motivation

 It's been almost 3 months since my lapband surgery and I'm down 35 pounds.  It's a good start, but I'm frustrated that I'm not sticking to the program better.  I obviously am still dealing with the same emotional demons who've haunted me all my life and maybe I'm just not paying enough attention.  I come to this site and give advice to others, but we all know how much easier it is to help someone else solve their problems rather than their own.  So I guess I'm just reaching out to whomever might be willing to help me with a kick in the butt and lend some support.  

Thanks to all of you for being here, for sharing, and being so supportive.

Aloha,
Barb

Emotional eating can be tricky.  I'm grateful i am not an emotional eater.  However, I love to eat when I am bored.  So in order to stop this I have taken any snack foods out of my house.  No more cheese sticks, cereal, ice cream, chips, breads, etc.  I have found that if I actually have to cook something to eat I won't eat.  But this is probably too extreme for others. 

If you are experiencing emotions bad enough to compulsively eat you should look into individual therapy or a support group.  You need to find the trigger and learn how to work around it.  My trigger is boredom and I had to figure out a way to deal with it.

When the psychologist asked you what you plan to do for emotional eating after your surgery what did you tell them?  You had to have a plan. 

This is something that I believe all of us struggle with.  Just remember that you didn't become overweight overnight.  Therefore, you won't lose it all at once, and the issues that were there to help you over eat do not disappear just because you had surgery/band.  You have to identify what is your trigger AND be honest about it.  We all have ugly monsters lurking around the corner waiting to help us sabotage ourselves, but we have to stand up and fight.  You had to make a HUGE step to get the band and decide you wanted a healthier you....so now, don't let you stop yourself.  The nastiest battle you will ever fight is the one with yourself.  And in the words of my therapist, take baby steps.  If you keep a food journal...perhaps start writing down your emotions when you are eating.  If you have everything down maybe you can begin to see a pattern develop.  If you are an emotional eater, then before you grab for a something, why not go take a walk, drive, etc?  Anything to get your mind off the fact that you want to eat.  Clear the house of snack foods.  If you have a partner ask him/her if they can help you during those times.  Maybe go talk to a professional.  This is a tricky road to walk down and every person that chooses the roads we have are nothing but courageous!  Just remember that fear is a tricky emotion and could stop our journey sooner than expected.  Fight for what you want, even when the enemy is your own self.

 You both have hit it on the head.  I am an emotional eater and as with so many of who are, I have a history of abuse.  So now that I've taken the steps to lose weight and become healthier, I'm sabbotaging my self.  I'm removing my blanket of protection.  I'm fortunate that my partner is very supportive and we typically don't have snacks in the house, except for fruit of fresh veggies.  But I bought ice cream a couple of days ago and have been plowing through it "only a couple of scoops at a time."  Of course, yesterday was three times.  

I have been avoiding keeping a food journal and I know how helpful it is.  I've also been avoiding exercising.  I live in Hawaii, for Pete's sake!  And there's a gym about 300 yards from our house that I have full access to, for free.  I don't have any real excuses except that I'm just not doing it.  This is why I got fat in the first place.  So, you are both so right in being more aware so I can figure out my trigger.

We've been going through tremendous stress as well.  The day I got out of the hospital, my partner received an email stating her contract wasn't being renewed for next year.  (she's a teacher)  She's being replaced by a friend of the headmaster.  No other reason.  Fast forward about a month, after receiving literally hundreds of calls and emails, he saw the error of his ways and offered her half time but we still have the other benefits we've enjoyed, including health insurance, housing, and tuition waiver for our daughter.  I'm not working right now and haven't been able to find anything despite my best efforts, so we've been in a panic trying to figure out what to do.  March isn't a good time to start looking for a teaching job because there's not much left, and in our case, it's on the mainland.  Anyway, this has been adding stress to my journey.

Kevin, you posed a good question to me by asking what I told the phycologist as to what I'd do when my emotions started to dictate my eating.  I don't remember.  How convenient.  So, I need to find something realistic and recommit to it.  Thanks for bringing that up.  

And thanks to you both for your responses.  It's exactly what I needed.  I so appreciate you taking the time to reach out to me.

Aloha,
Barb

Barb -
I know that alot of my emotional overeating was an attempt at "self soothing" particularly to feel safe, protected and/or loved.  (abuse in the background too...) I have made strides to correct this maladaptive behavior over the years and WLS is part of that journey.

I am impressed with the honesty and insight in your posts, I think you are doing a great job at airing out those demons.  For me,  I found I needed to create tangible, physical ways of getting that feeling of safety as a replacement to emotional overeating. 
- journaling -  not just writing down WHAT I ATE but WHEN and WHY I felt triggered to eat
- mini "low cal" soothing -  For me, this is a steaming mug of herbal tea drank on the back porch, or a iced decaf coffee in the afternoon while taking a break,  it is taking the 1/2 hour I would have spent eating pizza and instead having a hot bath with scented oil, taking time to cuddle with the dogs,
- verbalizing  accomplishments -  I found that "tooting my own horn" makes it more "real" and I can hold on to this when things get rougher...
- Avoid "all or nothing thinking"  - rather, what small change can I make today.  What can I do different for just today?  i.e- perhaps going from gym avoidance to gym rat is too extreme, instead think- "how can just add more movement to my day today?"

I wish you all the best success -
Tisha

 Hi Tisha,

Such good suggestions you have.  You've obviously thought this through and have put positive solutions into motion.  Thank you for your comment about my honesty and insight, however (much to my chagrin), I find that I don't always walk the walk.  A character flaw I'd like to correct.  I actually do the tooting my horn thing - to a degree - because like you, it helps me to own what I'm doing, and celebrate the weight I've already lost.  Your suggestion of avoiding the all or nothing mentality is spot on.  I quit smoking about 25 years ago and used this method to help me quit.  This is when I started to pack on the pounds, but I at least kicked one habit.  

Thanks for taking the time to respond to me.  I was really moved when i read what you wrote and I appreciate everyone's support.  Even though I have to find my own path and find a way to stay on it, it's validating to know that others are on similar paths and we have each other.  I'm grateful for this.

With much aloha,
Barb

My advice to you is to really know it in your heart and soul that not matter what you are eating is not going to make the problem easier. I used to be an emotional eater, commiting that knowledge to heart helped me stop. My mom had a miscarriage and every year when she had it she would eat uncontrolably until she put two and two together. She realized that no matter what or how much she ate it would never bring that baby back. My biggest problem is when there is a death. I turn to ice cream. My dog died a year ago and I was amazed at how bad I wanted that ice cream. I had to remind myself that B&J would not bring my baby boy back to life.

Good luck with all of this.