OT: Side burns HOW???

ok so I've tried numerous times to do the whole facial hair thing and I've failed ROYALLY... trying it again and starting small (side burns)  but they look like ****!  seirously, they look like pubic hair lol.   What do I do to keep them tame?  
not sure if you can tell in the picture below...

use conditioner in the shower put product in them they will train just takes some time...... I get this question  alll the time at work (I am a hair dresser) and some just can't get good ones

gtfo... so put gel in there?   and condition them too? 
I was thinking I needed to use the clippers but had no clue what number to use.

Did you have surgery today???? 

And thanks for the advice :)

if you like them trimmed i would use a no 3 or 2 depending..... (i use 2 on myself to trim mine.) increase guard size to blend them. and yes use gel, shine or mud on them is great.

I think you should add the pornstache also.

Just wait until your hair starts falling out, then you won't have to worry about it at all.

Just kidding, Tony...  Just kidding.

Can't really contribute much else, except that I've never been happy with my facial hair the same way.  If I try a goatee, the moustache and chin part never connect and I look funky.  So now I just keep this little fuzz on my chin that looks like something a 13 year-old boy who just hit puberty would have.

Well, no one has perfect genes.  Except maybe for Bubba, especially on that episode where he joins the army and runs around in his boxers and a wife beater...  Yummy...  Anyway.

Cheers,

Chris

mmmm....Bubba....