Thank you all!!! Sorry, but it is a long post!
So it has been a few days since phyllis has been home, but I just wanted to take the oppertunity to say thank you to everyone for all of the prayers, well wishes, and words of support and encouragement. The best part about it all was that I was holding her blackberry when she was in surgery, so everytime an email came in from you all, I was able to read it and smile. I was able to smile knowing that you were thinking of her at that very moment.
I was waiting for hours with Phyllis' sister (the surgery was delayed) I was sooo happy when the procedure was over. I was sweating it out. I must say that for the whole "hospital" expereince, the hardest part for me was actually after the surgery was over and I was able to see her for the first time. She was crying and had said that she was asking for me for what seemed like hours. She also told me how scary it was to go into the OR. I was a complete mess, crying and kissing her forehead and carressing her face. I was so relieved, but realized that as much as I was able to be there for her every step of the way, I still couldnt take away the fear or the pain.
Since we have been home, things have been going really really well for the most part. She is up and walking everyday for at least 30 mins. I am sure the chicken broth and onion soup(with onion strained out) has got to be tiring for her. Not to mention the protein shakes. I am really proud of her progress. I have to say that the hardest part about "home life after surgery" for me has to be not being able to take away her pain and stop her tears. Nights have been the roughest when she is laying down, mostly from the gas. Aside from that, I really can realize now how much of our lives revolved around food. We spent so much time grocery shopping and cooking together (one of our favorite things to do!) I have been eating my meals alone standing in the kitchen, because I dont want her to have to see or smell my food. She says she doesnt mind if I eat by her, but I just feel so guilty about it. Then today, we were walking around the mall and i was hungry. She suggested i get something from the food court, so I did. ( i havent eaten food 'out' in quite some time) She ended up sitting with me instead of contining to shop. I feel SOOOOO guilty that she sat there, and couldnt have anything. I scarfed down my food as fast as I could.
I know that in a couple of weeks, we will be able to cook together, and sit down at the dinner table and eat together, but until then, i guess i just feel lonely at meal times. I am trying to be as supportive as I can, and I am willing to take any suggestions on how to help. Thanks so much!!!!
WOW I JUST REALIZED HOW SOOOOO LONG THIS WAS!!!! sorry
Thanks,
Kerry
I was waiting for hours with Phyllis' sister (the surgery was delayed) I was sooo happy when the procedure was over. I was sweating it out. I must say that for the whole "hospital" expereince, the hardest part for me was actually after the surgery was over and I was able to see her for the first time. She was crying and had said that she was asking for me for what seemed like hours. She also told me how scary it was to go into the OR. I was a complete mess, crying and kissing her forehead and carressing her face. I was so relieved, but realized that as much as I was able to be there for her every step of the way, I still couldnt take away the fear or the pain.
Since we have been home, things have been going really really well for the most part. She is up and walking everyday for at least 30 mins. I am sure the chicken broth and onion soup(with onion strained out) has got to be tiring for her. Not to mention the protein shakes. I am really proud of her progress. I have to say that the hardest part about "home life after surgery" for me has to be not being able to take away her pain and stop her tears. Nights have been the roughest when she is laying down, mostly from the gas. Aside from that, I really can realize now how much of our lives revolved around food. We spent so much time grocery shopping and cooking together (one of our favorite things to do!) I have been eating my meals alone standing in the kitchen, because I dont want her to have to see or smell my food. She says she doesnt mind if I eat by her, but I just feel so guilty about it. Then today, we were walking around the mall and i was hungry. She suggested i get something from the food court, so I did. ( i havent eaten food 'out' in quite some time) She ended up sitting with me instead of contining to shop. I feel SOOOOO guilty that she sat there, and couldnt have anything. I scarfed down my food as fast as I could.
I know that in a couple of weeks, we will be able to cook together, and sit down at the dinner table and eat together, but until then, i guess i just feel lonely at meal times. I am trying to be as supportive as I can, and I am willing to take any suggestions on how to help. Thanks so much!!!!
WOW I JUST REALIZED HOW SOOOOO LONG THIS WAS!!!! sorry
Thanks,
Kerry
"All that we are is the result of what we have thought" ~Buddah
You have been so amazingly supportive. ...and you sound so sensitive to Phyllis' experience. I can't think of any advice for you. It sounds to me like you are doing everything you can to make her feel safe, and supported.
My partner is terrified of me having surgery, and I know that she's been very careful about what she eats and when. She actually went through the kitchen cupboards and tossed out everything that I wouldn't be able to eat after surgery (and I don't even have a date yet). I find this so incredibly touching and I'll bet my bottom dollar that Phyllis feels the same way about you!
Nadine
My partner is terrified of me having surgery, and I know that she's been very careful about what she eats and when. She actually went through the kitchen cupboards and tossed out everything that I wouldn't be able to eat after surgery (and I don't even have a date yet). I find this so incredibly touching and I'll bet my bottom dollar that Phyllis feels the same way about you!
Nadine
Thank you! Phyllis and I have thrown out all of post op no no's too. I also followed along with the exercise regimin as well as the 1200 cal diet. We have been on the weight loss journey together(minus me having the surgery). She was able to lose 25lb before surgery and stop her blood pressure meds. I lost 30lbs and was able to come off of my diabetes meds.
Best of luck to you and your partner!!! Everything will turn out just great!!!
Best of luck to you and your partner!!! Everything will turn out just great!!!
"All that we are is the result of what we have thought" ~Buddah
It is amazing how much our lives center around food...I remember something great happened a week after surgery and my first thought was where can we go to dinner to celebrate! Well, I had to stop thinking that way.
My mother and I live together, so I can relate to the what happens at meal times. From my experience I can tell you I got lonely when my mother, who felt guilty about eating regular food, would eat her meals separately from me. She thought she was doing something good, but in reality I was preparing my meals and sitting in the kitchen alone. I felt more alienated by that than the life changes I was making. So my little piece of advice is to continue to eat together...even at the beginning. It's not fair to either of you for you to stand in the kitchen trying to eat as fast as possible or to scarf down food, which is very unhealthy for you. I remember you wrote a couple weeks ago saying that you're trying to lose weight too by watching what you eat and increasing your exercise...that's great. And that tells me that you're not going to be sitting there eating Doritos or a small pizza...you're eating healthy stuff and as soon as Phylis is able to she'll be eating regular healthy foods with you.
Brid
P.S. You two are too cute together!
My mother and I live together, so I can relate to the what happens at meal times. From my experience I can tell you I got lonely when my mother, who felt guilty about eating regular food, would eat her meals separately from me. She thought she was doing something good, but in reality I was preparing my meals and sitting in the kitchen alone. I felt more alienated by that than the life changes I was making. So my little piece of advice is to continue to eat together...even at the beginning. It's not fair to either of you for you to stand in the kitchen trying to eat as fast as possible or to scarf down food, which is very unhealthy for you. I remember you wrote a couple weeks ago saying that you're trying to lose weight too by watching what you eat and increasing your exercise...that's great. And that tells me that you're not going to be sitting there eating Doritos or a small pizza...you're eating healthy stuff and as soon as Phylis is able to she'll be eating regular healthy foods with you.
Brid
P.S. You two are too cute together!
Thanks so much for the advice! I TRULY APPRECIATE IT!!!!!!!!!!!
It is soooo amazing to post on this forum, I have posted messages on a multitude of different forums, and have gotten NO response. Everytime Phyllis or I post here, we get numerous ones! Just another reason to totally love this support group! Thanks Guys & Gals
It is soooo amazing to post on this forum, I have posted messages on a multitude of different forums, and have gotten NO response. Everytime Phyllis or I post here, we get numerous ones! Just another reason to totally love this support group! Thanks Guys & Gals
"All that we are is the result of what we have thought" ~Buddah
I will second what Brid so eloquently said. Since my surgery I have been eating with my mom (who is 3 yrs out ffrom RNY and can eat a lot more to me) and various other guests and have been to three barbaques. I find it "normalizing" to be sitting with people who are eating... even if I have to eat totally different foods. Early out, I would sip broth from a spoon and have a side of jello so my meal took a little longer and I wouldn't be finished long before everyone else.
The only food that I told my mom that she couldn't eat in front of me was "Fast Food" from McDonalds and PIZZA because those are "trigger foods" for me - the foods that got me into this mess.
Don't feel guilty, just be open and honest about your own feelings about weight loss and food and trust that Phyllis will let you know if something specific is bothering her...
The only food that I told my mom that she couldn't eat in front of me was "Fast Food" from McDonalds and PIZZA because those are "trigger foods" for me - the foods that got me into this mess.
Don't feel guilty, just be open and honest about your own feelings about weight loss and food and trust that Phyllis will let you know if something specific is bothering her...
Tisha
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