Image issues

for some of you following my facebook stuff, you already know this. 

for years I have identified as a bear and still do today because I'm not all THAT small (still classified as obese even after 250 pounds of loss).  This weekend was such a downer for me because i found myself not liking what i see in the mirror.  I think i posted on facebook that I looked like a deflated Macy's Thanksgiving day parade ballon.  In short, I miss the way I looked before.  i don't miss all the health issues that came with it but I definitely miss the way I looked.

have any of you old-timers felt this way?

oh my friend..I could write a book, on how much I have thought abou thtis issue...

I think it has to do with how we identify our selves..fun loving bear..or regular guy ..or worse...

you know...the mear movement came from how average ot heavy guys, being shuned from the georgou guys...

and they bears on my end made it pretty black and white...we hate fit guys..or slick guys..

the first time someone called me a twink..I about pushed them through a wall..

most of the time...I realize..there's good in every part of out commuinty...there are good skinny twinks too..big hearted drag queens..totally devoted leather guys..

and great guys that resemble a deflated parade float...

we knew everything would change..and the mind part is is just as big as the diet and exercise..

so I guess I'm saying...no black or white..there lots of color in the world..

love you baby..

love you too handsome! 

I have good and bad days.

Sometimes I miss when I was a size 12/14. I thought I filled out a little better ..not so much extra skin. My face was a little fuller, but not fat.

And now sometimes I think I'm too thin. Everyone keeps saying I will 'even out' and I'm hoping that is true. In some of my pictures my face to me looks too thin and I think it makes me look older.

Aaron, I think you look great! Of course no one sees what we look like without clothes on (and if you saw me naked you wouldn't feel so bad lol) ...but from what I can see you are one handsome guy! 

you know Brooke, i think you look awesome.....you don't look emaciated or anything......and i can't tell that you even had surgery.  Thank you for the compliment :)

I'm struggling with this too Darlin'. I'm now at my goal (bouncing 1/2 pound on either side) and I'm not happy with the image.

Oh, wait, I do love wearing a size six jeans and small size shirt but I have been very disappointed with my tube-sock tits, may sharpei tummy, my bat-wing arms, and we are not even discussing the folds of skin under my ass, backs of my legs or insides of my thighs. I never have sex on top anymore cuz it just all hangs down... and  I have a body outline of skin that just lies on the bed beside me if I'm on the bottom... yesh, no good position to hide the obvious.

On the other hand, this past month I finally realized, no one else seems to care nearly as much as I do.

You know Z and I are poly but during this entire last year's weight loss process, I have not been with anyone else. And this last month, a few weeks ago, I had an opportunity with someone else, besides my beloved Z to "view the package" from a variety of angles. I was terrified and felt a tremendous amount of shame... initially... until I realized he (FTM) was having a wonderful time, was very pleased with me, with the visual and the tactile and frankly if I had tried to apologize for the "loose skin issues" he would have been very put off and it would have detracted from the experience (which was amazing and wonderful). And yes, as proof of that, we got together again this weekend, at his request. And this is someone who attracts the young, firm, cute girls (jus sayin' so I was doubly self conscious comparing myself to who I usually see him with and actually warned him that I was not that. He just laughed and reminded me that he wasn't blind.)

The point being (besides bragging) is that what we see in the mirror cannot be trusted. We are used to picking ourselves to pieces. Remember when we never looked in the mirror below the neck? I do or I'd just look at the best parts so I could find a reason to leave the house and feel half-way decent. Well that habit has not disappeared with the fat. We are still used to seeing bits and pieces and not the whole picture.

I found that this weekend I was being viewed not just as a pair of sagging tits or flabby arms. He saw me... my smile, my allure, my eyes, my mind, and yes, my baggy body but it wasn't about just that one aspect of me. It was about how I spoke, and thought, and laughed, about the shape of my leg and the strength in my hands, about the way my hair fell across my face and the way I moved this body in response to his. And there was more to it that I'm not going into here even though I've already established a reputation for TMI. *smile*

And here's my bottom line... 99% of everyone will see me dressed and I can compensate most of my loose skin with clothes... the 1% luckly ones who get to see me naked will have earned it with their acceptance of me beforehand and if they are turned off by my badges of honor (scars and loose skin) then they don't deserve what I have to offer.

As to the bear issue, I cannot speak with any understanding because that was never my scene. But if you are all of those qualities on the inside, the outside cannot change that reflection. My point is that our bodies will speak what we know to be true inside. Our bodies will reflect confidence and power if we believe it, because we will move that way.

yeah i guess i need to work on getting comfortable with my own bear skin before I can let anyone else get comfy with it too.

I find it very interesting how we are all on the fence with this issue. We are excited about our improved health status but in many ways miss the comfort zone of our past lives. My partner and I have frequented the Lone Star "bear" bar in San Francisco. I admit when I weighed 300# it was comforting to be in a place where I did not think that everyone saw me as the "fat" guy. it was kund of nice to have guys flirt with me even though I was not on the hunt. Now I weigh 175# and I feel invisable there. I feel out of place but I am the same guy I have always been.

Lady Raven I love your line that 99% of people see us in our clothes and only the trusted few will see our wrinkles and sags. I watched this show this weekend about a young guy that had a Lap Band had lost over 200# but had alot of excess skin. He was binding himself to look better in clothes. He is hoping to get plastics. The scarry part is that he has not changed his life. He had his surgeon remove the fluid from his band and than he went on an eating binge (six milkshakes, three peices of pie and a brownie) all in one setting. Tales like this scare me.

I am content with my new habbits and work it everyday. I am not sure where I fit in in the gay community which in some respects is a positive.

Aaron, Lady Raven, Goto guy, and Brooke we all look fabulous and we need to celebrate everyday of our improved health....

improved health is definitely something to be happy about.  however, you know as i keep losing I'm faced with a different set of health issues....granted they aren't as life threatening as they were when i was 500 pounds but they are still issues none the less.

Yeah, can't say anything else to what has already been said Aaron.