OT: Stressed/depressed
I am freakin out a bit. I just have so much on my plate right now I hope this surgery isn't going to fail. I am only about a week post op now and I have so much going on. I was dating a guy and were in a fairly stable relationship for about 2.5 months when I had this surgery. After surgery he decides to tell me that he isn't ready for any kind of commitment, boyfriends, dating or otherwise. Now that I dont have that support anymore, I am at a loss as to what to do with him. He wants to be friends, but I dont see how that is going to happen, we argue every time we talk on the phone, he is selfish and only sees things his way. it's his way or no way. Maybe having this surgery will give me the courage to quit letting people walk on me and stand up for myself. I should tell him what I want and if he can't deliver he can kick it to the curb. On top of that, and trying to figure this whole lap band diet thing out, I am possibly being laid off. Who would have thought a registered nurse would be in fear of their job?! On top of it an oncology nurse! I dont' think people can really decide when they will get cancer or not. How frusterating, and stressfull this all is. I wish there was no drama, but isn't drama inevitable? Ugh.
The best advice I can give you is walk away from the last two months and move on. The man you were dating has issues of his own that need addressing and it is no fault of yours that he made a "decision." It's so easy to blame yourself when you just need to accept that it was him and not you.
As for losing your job... in healthcare... that's crazy. I'm a paramedic and I couldn't imagine being laid off. Plus there is such a shortage for RN's. I really do not understand what is going on anymore. Good luck!
As for losing your job... in healthcare... that's crazy. I'm a paramedic and I couldn't imagine being laid off. Plus there is such a shortage for RN's. I really do not understand what is going on anymore. Good luck!
Hey, Brian.
I have some bad news for you. A lot of people know that the purpose of this surgery is to lose weight, but hope to gain happiness, strength or confidence through it. Unfortunately, the surgery doesn't give you any of those those things. It's a completely physical operation, nothing is done to the noggin. Everything that happens up there is completely up to you.
A lot of relationships fail after the surgery. And, as has been stated before, the cause of the breakup is not the surgery, but the problems it uncovers. The same thing with these positive traits you so desire. They're already there; it's just up to you to uncover them and use them in your life. Nothing is going to give you courage. There is no Oz and the wizard is a fake. The courage not to let anyone **** with your feelings and walk all over you is already there. Take some time to focus on the inside of your body as well as the outside. You'll find it.
When we're heavy, a big reason is not lack of courage or strength that we sometimes let others walk all over us. It's the presence of overwhelming fear. Fear of being alone, fear of having a bird in the hand and not knowing when one of those *******s from the bush is going to come out. I was afraid to let my partner go because, hot damn, I have a man who I can say is mine who doesn't care what I look like. So what if he's a ******** And dealing with a jerk off seems so much better than waking up alone every morning, right?
So, it's you and you alone who have to replace that fear with whatever positive trait you need in your life. Read the Main Board and the LB Board. There are so many posts about depression after the surgery. Some are based on not losing enough weight; others because their lives are still grey on the inside and the surgery did nothing to change that. It's not supposed to. Only you can change your fear to courage. And only you can kick his ass out the door, erase his number from your phone and know that you don't need the "support" of anybody like that. Sure, the support of others is nice, but you'll be much better off knowing that the only support that you need is your own.
Well, I'm off to visit dad in hospital.
Cheers,
Chris
I have some bad news for you. A lot of people know that the purpose of this surgery is to lose weight, but hope to gain happiness, strength or confidence through it. Unfortunately, the surgery doesn't give you any of those those things. It's a completely physical operation, nothing is done to the noggin. Everything that happens up there is completely up to you.
A lot of relationships fail after the surgery. And, as has been stated before, the cause of the breakup is not the surgery, but the problems it uncovers. The same thing with these positive traits you so desire. They're already there; it's just up to you to uncover them and use them in your life. Nothing is going to give you courage. There is no Oz and the wizard is a fake. The courage not to let anyone **** with your feelings and walk all over you is already there. Take some time to focus on the inside of your body as well as the outside. You'll find it.
When we're heavy, a big reason is not lack of courage or strength that we sometimes let others walk all over us. It's the presence of overwhelming fear. Fear of being alone, fear of having a bird in the hand and not knowing when one of those *******s from the bush is going to come out. I was afraid to let my partner go because, hot damn, I have a man who I can say is mine who doesn't care what I look like. So what if he's a ******** And dealing with a jerk off seems so much better than waking up alone every morning, right?
So, it's you and you alone who have to replace that fear with whatever positive trait you need in your life. Read the Main Board and the LB Board. There are so many posts about depression after the surgery. Some are based on not losing enough weight; others because their lives are still grey on the inside and the surgery did nothing to change that. It's not supposed to. Only you can change your fear to courage. And only you can kick his ass out the door, erase his number from your phone and know that you don't need the "support" of anybody like that. Sure, the support of others is nice, but you'll be much better off knowing that the only support that you need is your own.
Well, I'm off to visit dad in hospital.
Cheers,
Chris
Damn, I thought we were safe in healthcare!?!
Sorry to hear about the guy you were dating but it does not sound from the little bit you have told us that it was going to work long term anyway. Focus on yourself and learning the ways of the lapband. And, I agree with Chris that it is the fear of being alone that controlled us as fat people. Brian, I bet you have tons of courage or you would not be an oncology nurse.
Sorry to hear about the guy you were dating but it does not sound from the little bit you have told us that it was going to work long term anyway. Focus on yourself and learning the ways of the lapband. And, I agree with Chris that it is the fear of being alone that controlled us as fat people. Brian, I bet you have tons of courage or you would not be an oncology nurse.
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