What's Attractive in the Family?

 Recently I was with a group of friends and we were discussing the aspect of why gay men seem to only be attracted to thin/buff/muscular, etc other gay men. Whilst I'm not the MOST muscular/buff/thin guy on the planet I don't think I'm any of the extreme so maybe average? Anyway, the point of the conversation was to say what makes us attracted to others? Why are some gay guys attracted to "the stigma" that is gay culture (the buff, tan, muscular 20-somethings) and why are the others automatically "the bear" (etc) community within the gay community? I just wish I could find someone who wasn't so much into stereotyping and outcasting the "non-fit" people and was more into the intellectual and humorous side of attraction but who doesn't worry about what I may or may not fit into concerning a "body type."

I think if you are destined to be thin and muscular and you work hard at keeping that image then hey, that's great. But not EVERYBODY is like that. So why does it seem that gay guys only want the fit, trim, thin, muscular, tan, tall, blond, etc type of guy?

Food for thought.

Feel free to leave comments!

This is an x-post from another site I frequent btw.

There is this perceived obsession in the gay community of youth and everything it entails.

Personally, I've never really been into the overly-buff, perfect bodied type.  If you saw pictures of many of my past boyfriends, you'd see that I kind of have a thing for, well, nerdy type guys.  I find intelligence sexy.  I also am not attracted to anyone TOO thin (anyone smaller than I am), but don't mind a little meat on a man.  A cute little belly is just that- cute.

I never really hung out with a lot of gay men, mostly lesbians.  Lesbians seem not to be so obsessed with everything physical.  That and my weight (which equaled exclusion from a lot of gay male circles) allowed me to develope my own individual tastes without any peer pressure.  See, the problem with a lot of gay men is, even if they are really more attracted to "average" guys, they still persue only the gym gods because, for horror, what would their friends say if they were seen with anything less?  I've never felt that pressure and am comfortable enough dating whoever I want without worrying about making everyone else happy.  The only person who I need to make happy is me.

Thank God for lesbians!

Cheers,

Chris

"Lesbians seem not to be so obsessed with everything physical."

      Now there's an understatement.  I think anyone who's been on this board for the last couple of months knows my take on the lesbian community and our physcial characteristics.  We don't need to become obsessed, but I wish we were a little more health conscious.

"Thank God for lesbians!"

     Aren't you just the sweetest thing!! 
 

Brid

Aging / maturity related to some degree?  

I felt like the lesbian community was very, very looks oriented in college.  No one wanted to go out with me and I only weighed 190 then, perhaps I was just plain ole' weird.  Still am perhaps . . . 

And, now I don't know since I am not really involved in the local community . . .

Meg

I know my friend said he was interested in more of a guys personality than what he looks like. He was always on the scrawny but cute side. (His pic is in my profile under 3 days pre-op) He did say he likes the guys younger because they are not cynical yet. I did see one picture of a BF of his and I wouldn't call him buff, just average.

The first guy I was a hag with was pretty much the same way. He is more interested in personality than if a guy is buff.

Maybe it's a mid-west thing since the first one is from Ohio and the other is from Indiana.

You know my views on the perfect man for me has changed since my wls.  first and foremost I have to have facial hair or some kind of hair LOL  That is the bear in me.  However, the type of guy that facial hair is on varies.  I used to go for anyone smaller than me (of course at 500 pounds that wasn't hard LOL) but now I go for guys who take care of themselves.  This could include guys bigger than me (you can be big AND healthy).  I guess right now, I want them to just be healthy and happy and have a pulse and facial hair LOL

I think the thing that has usually attracted me is the trait of being outgoing, curious, and interested in the world and people around them.  And, yes, they've got to have a quick wit.  Intelligence is a plus, but just being able to keep up with me mentally is a must.  Someone who makes me work to keep up with them?  Even better.

That said, I like glasses.  Go fig.  That's led me to persuing more geeky guys in the past.

Lance,

As stereotypical as it sounds, many men are obsessed with appearance. Look at gay magazines, ads for RSVP and Atlantis Cruises, and popular gay web sites. The image they project is young, thin and good looking men. This is because gay men are attracted to that look and most likely want to have that look.

The bear community came about as rebellion to this stereotype. Men who did not fit into that glamor gay image found companionship and support among others like themselves. I think the formation of the bear community has become increasingly popular over the past 10 years or so as other embraced this alliterative to the thin, clubby, prep type of men. So, we ended up with traditional gay commercialized culture and the anti-gay commercial culture.  

I think this is evolving today. I believe many gay men have take cues from the bear movement and are bucking that commercial image of gay men. I see more blending of the bear and non-bear communities. I think this is coming full circle.  It's evolution. I bet in 10 years you will see gay men associating more by their interests, backgrounds and activities.

Tom

I was always amazed, disappointed, or confused when it came to guys being so type specific.  Bears, Twinks, Cubs, Chubs etc.. 

I have never been attracted to a type other then maybe breathing and being able to say YES!!!... LOL

I have always been interested in who a person is..not what a person is..what they looked like..etc..

I would love to have a thin, buff, hunky person on my arm...why?  To make me feel better about myself... that somebody incredible would be interested in me.  However, my peference is for quality, compassion, humanity..not looks..

a lot of straight men are obsessed with looks, too. ask your average 40 year old divorcee.

i think a lot of boys are socialized into developing a physical type they are attracted to, whether it's a breast man, leg man, butt man, blondes, muscles, rice queen, shoulders, facial hair, chasers, etc.

women... more about non-physical characteristics, i.e. sense of humor, trustworthy, honest, caring, etc.

of course, we all can be shallow if the bank account is big enough, right?