Social Imact of WLS
I know the gay men will understand where I am coming from here. And I do apologize if this has been addressed before.
Being as the gay community likes to identify certain people with certain groups; aka, bears and chubs. I'd like to know how WLS surgery affected your social life / dating life?
All of my adult life I have been considered to be part of the bear / cub scene. I don't like labels but that is where I generally felt like I fit in due to being overweight.
I have not had surgery yet but I'm just very curious to know how you guys have adapted to being on the skinnier side of the gay community after surgery.
Being as the gay community likes to identify certain people with certain groups; aka, bears and chubs. I'd like to know how WLS surgery affected your social life / dating life?
All of my adult life I have been considered to be part of the bear / cub scene. I don't like labels but that is where I generally felt like I fit in due to being overweight.
I have not had surgery yet but I'm just very curious to know how you guys have adapted to being on the skinnier side of the gay community after surgery.
Hi Kevin.
That’s a really good question and issue. My surgery is due next April 29. My boyfriend is very evasive at best. He is been neutral ou rational about the whole thing. He understands that a health issue... But, if I lose too much weight, I can lose him too. But i don’t, i will feel miserable.
And i want lose a half of my current weight (333 pounds).
Once i thought, that we could be ex-chubbies....
But the real question is: we should do that for ourselfs and not for our partners and future partners.
I really think that he will stays with me after this surgery, we will have a hard time ahead. But, we have a 11 years of history together... I trust that.
I think you shouldnt stress too much about that. We eventually find the special one. And I pretty sure that he is the one. But, if he isnt... Well we need a new life.
I ask him, if he is in ou out of my life. Because if he want to get out, he need to get out now. And he didnt get out... so, i guess we are ok.
Well... my msn is [email protected].... Lets tal about it.
That’s a really good question and issue. My surgery is due next April 29. My boyfriend is very evasive at best. He is been neutral ou rational about the whole thing. He understands that a health issue... But, if I lose too much weight, I can lose him too. But i don’t, i will feel miserable.
And i want lose a half of my current weight (333 pounds).
Once i thought, that we could be ex-chubbies....
But the real question is: we should do that for ourselfs and not for our partners and future partners.
I really think that he will stays with me after this surgery, we will have a hard time ahead. But, we have a 11 years of history together... I trust that.
I think you shouldnt stress too much about that. We eventually find the special one. And I pretty sure that he is the one. But, if he isnt... Well we need a new life.
I ask him, if he is in ou out of my life. Because if he want to get out, he need to get out now. And he didnt get out... so, i guess we are ok.
Well... my msn is [email protected].... Lets tal about it.
I am a woman, so can't comment on the "bear" scene but after I lost weight I realized that most of the lesbians I know that are my age are at least chubby...I think overall that WLS surgery isn't accepted anymore in the LGBT communities then in regular society. So just something else to feel different about. But I basically did it for my health so I have achieved that goal. I had ps after I lost my weight and haven't had to explain my scars yet to any new lovers....the WLS scars are nothing but the ps scars are pretty obvious...
Some friends were wanting to go to some hotsprings and if we do I will be keeping my undies on to cover up my lbl incisions....not ready to explain those to a group!!
deb366
Some friends were wanting to go to some hotsprings and if we do I will be keeping my undies on to cover up my lbl incisions....not ready to explain those to a group!!
deb366
Currently 125 pounds I hear ya. I'm really hoping not to have too much issues with skin. I am 31 so I am hoping age is on my side. I have also read drink lots of water, eat on the upwards of 100g of protein a day, exercise, and moisturizing helps. I'm sure I'll have some issues though. Congrats on your success though.
I almost feel as if having WLS is like a coming out experience all over again? I haven't decided if I will tell my family or friends. So far I have only told one very close friend and my secret is safe with her. I feel some of the same feelings I had when I was still in the closet.
I'm really glad there is a GLBT forum on here. Str8 people usually just don't understand these things.
I almost feel as if having WLS is like a coming out experience all over again? I haven't decided if I will tell my family or friends. So far I have only told one very close friend and my secret is safe with her. I feel some of the same feelings I had when I was still in the closet.
I'm really glad there is a GLBT forum on here. Str8 people usually just don't understand these things.
Hi Kevin -
Just my two cents on this one: if you share your experience with people around you early on it will give them time to adjust to the idea of you having the surgery. The earlier they get on board with it, the more support you'll have when the time comes for it.
I told everyone in my life about it months before the actual surgery. When I first let people know, a lot of them fought me on it - they were afraid of the dangers, of the rumors they'd heard, the bad stories. But since I let them know so far in advance I was able to share everything I learned with them as it happened, it gave them time to do research on their own and come around.
The day after my surgery my room was so full of visitors they had to bring in extra chairs. And they had a LOT of chairs in that room to start with. I'd never felt so loved in all my life.
I just want to share that with you so you have the chance to feel what I did that day.
Best of luck!
Just my two cents on this one: if you share your experience with people around you early on it will give them time to adjust to the idea of you having the surgery. The earlier they get on board with it, the more support you'll have when the time comes for it.
I told everyone in my life about it months before the actual surgery. When I first let people know, a lot of them fought me on it - they were afraid of the dangers, of the rumors they'd heard, the bad stories. But since I let them know so far in advance I was able to share everything I learned with them as it happened, it gave them time to do research on their own and come around.
The day after my surgery my room was so full of visitors they had to bring in extra chairs. And they had a LOT of chairs in that room to start with. I'd never felt so loved in all my life.
I just want to share that with you so you have the chance to feel what I did that day.
Best of luck!
Well, here's my situation with telling everyone. I work in health care. You would think people in health care would be supportive and understanding but they are not. As a paramedic I have seen a fair share of people who have had RNY gastric bypass who have had complications and so have my coworkers.
With that said, all we see are the medical emergencies. I have a very firm grasp on the fact that what we see are only the bad and we never see the good because they don't call 911. But *a lot* of my coworkers do not understand this point. First of all, a lot of them are not overweight, so they are already biased. Couple that with the fact that the only times they have delt with a gastric bypass patient is during some form of serious complication. So in their minds they think all gastric bypass patients have serious complications. And then there is the stigma of the whole thing. I have a coworker who had WLS. A time frame of two years lapsed and when I saw her again she was 120 lbs thinner and I did like everyone else and asked her how she lost weight. After she left the room the comments started about how she took the easy way out, she was lazy, etc, etc, etc.
I want to stress the importance that my thinking on the entire subject I just mentioned in the last paragraph is nothing like the people I work with but only that this is what I have to go up against.
As for my group of friends, it is mostly other emt's and paramedics. I think this is one battle I will choose to ignore.
Now this is not to say I will not tell my small group of nearest and dearest friends as they will hopefully understand. But with the one person I have told so far, she was also resistant to the idea of gastric bypass but I think she'll come around if that RNY is what I end up choosing.
So we'll see how this all works out. As I said before, for me to tell others about WLS is like a coming out experience all over again. I probably will tell people in time but it's highly unlikely that I will go the route of telling everyone I know and consider a friend. I think my friends will be happier knowing that I have lost the weight as opposed to how I lost the weight.
With that said, all we see are the medical emergencies. I have a very firm grasp on the fact that what we see are only the bad and we never see the good because they don't call 911. But *a lot* of my coworkers do not understand this point. First of all, a lot of them are not overweight, so they are already biased. Couple that with the fact that the only times they have delt with a gastric bypass patient is during some form of serious complication. So in their minds they think all gastric bypass patients have serious complications. And then there is the stigma of the whole thing. I have a coworker who had WLS. A time frame of two years lapsed and when I saw her again she was 120 lbs thinner and I did like everyone else and asked her how she lost weight. After she left the room the comments started about how she took the easy way out, she was lazy, etc, etc, etc.
I want to stress the importance that my thinking on the entire subject I just mentioned in the last paragraph is nothing like the people I work with but only that this is what I have to go up against.
As for my group of friends, it is mostly other emt's and paramedics. I think this is one battle I will choose to ignore.
Now this is not to say I will not tell my small group of nearest and dearest friends as they will hopefully understand. But with the one person I have told so far, she was also resistant to the idea of gastric bypass but I think she'll come around if that RNY is what I end up choosing.
So we'll see how this all works out. As I said before, for me to tell others about WLS is like a coming out experience all over again. I probably will tell people in time but it's highly unlikely that I will go the route of telling everyone I know and consider a friend. I think my friends will be happier knowing that I have lost the weight as opposed to how I lost the weight.
Kevin,
Just wanted to say hello, and see how things are going.
I have always been a bear/chub in my adult life. I still fit in with the bears just fine now that i have lost the weight.
I will not lie it does mess with at times. If i had to do this all over again, I would do it with out even thinkng twice about it.
Just had to put in my few cents.. Once again welcome to our board
Scott
Nov 2007 start 6 month diet at 380 lbs
Scott,
That is kind of the feeling I am getting. I don't think I will be ostracized but I do believe that there are guys who are my friend because of the role I play in the bear community. (The big bear.)
But I only know how to play that role as I have been overweight all of my life and I guess it's the what happens next that I'm questioning.
Like I mentioned before, I do not like labels. But the gay community loves them, especially the bear community. Fortunately, I try very hard to not take too much stock in the bear label because I might be labeled a bear on the outside but I have never felt like one on the inside.
Thank you for the welcome! :)
Kevin
That is kind of the feeling I am getting. I don't think I will be ostracized but I do believe that there are guys who are my friend because of the role I play in the bear community. (The big bear.)
But I only know how to play that role as I have been overweight all of my life and I guess it's the what happens next that I'm questioning.
Like I mentioned before, I do not like labels. But the gay community loves them, especially the bear community. Fortunately, I try very hard to not take too much stock in the bear label because I might be labeled a bear on the outside but I have never felt like one on the inside.
Thank you for the welcome! :)
Kevin
When I was heavier, I never really considered myself to be a part of any of these subcultures, beit bears or cubs or chubs. In fact, I really only ever dated one guy who could be considered a chubby chaser. It kind of made me feel weird that he was so into something (my being fat) that I really didn't like. I mean, if I had a third eye that bothered me to no end, it would be weird to be with someone who is attracted to me for it. But I digress, this guy was completely unattracted to small guys (anything less than 300 to him. He was seriously into the adipose.) And I understand that if, for some ungodly reason, we were still together, he would have dumped me a month after my surgery. Guys are very visually stimulated, we are attracted to what we are attracted to, so I understand. So I don't get any kind of rejection or looks of being a traitor from bears or chubs, I never really hung out with them as a group. And I don't get the "wow, you lost a lot of weight" from other guys because (and I've been told this enough) I look nothing like I did when I was fat. They don't recognize me. It's quite nice. I can just be me.
Don't worry too much about all these labels and reactions. It's all bull**** in the longrun; they'll love you fat or skinny if they really are your friends (I don't hold that expectation to anyone you sleep with, well, for the above reasons.) Believe me, they'll just love having a healthier and happier Kevin around.
Chris
Don't worry too much about all these labels and reactions. It's all bull**** in the longrun; they'll love you fat or skinny if they really are your friends (I don't hold that expectation to anyone you sleep with, well, for the above reasons.) Believe me, they'll just love having a healthier and happier Kevin around.
Chris
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