Reactions from friends about WLS are disappointing.....

As I recently shared on here, i got my surgery approved on Friday and it is scheduled for April 27.
I am scared to death but incredibly excited about my new life.

I have shared this with some friends and am disturbed by the reactions I am getting. 

Several people have told me that they dont think I need it, that I am not large enough and that it is only for really heavy people.  

I weigh 285 lbs and have a size 48 waist right now.

I don't think Aetna would approve my surgery if they didnt feel I was a candidate and I try to explain that to people.

I asked them How big do I have to get  and how miserable do I have to be in order for you to support me?

Several people that know me for a long time knew me when i was in really good shape a number of years ago and have told me that all  I need to do is work out and diet like I used to. 

This is after they have listened to my struggles for a long time and have watched me go thru this process.

This is really annoying to hear.

Anyone else have this experience?

I know what you're going through...first off congratulations!! its normal to be scared!!! i was even scared in the hospital going into the operating room a 2 months ago. I will tell you this...it was the best thing i could have ever done for myself...im 2 mos out and down 65.8 lbs!!! ive lost 4 yrs of weight in two months!! I know about the mixed reactions.  My sister couldn't understand why i was having the surgery and had said the same thing about working out...what THEY dont understand is i busted my ass every day working out  and eating healty and it never made a difference.  if i lost weight i put it all back on and then some and then some more....i was wating on insurance approval for over a year and a half bc bluecross is a difficult ins comp i was so happy when i got approved and i called everyone that night....however, i didnt call my sister.  i was in a great mood and didnt want to be brought down...me and her had discussed me getting the surgery last yr and i think she just didnt want me to have it bc honestly she was afraid i was gonig to die.  i told her that there is a chance but you know, if its my time to go it its my time wether i have the surgery or get hit by a car....if you dont want the negative comments then stay away from those people bc u really need people that are gonig to support you 100%.  Dont let their negative attitudes bring you down and make you doubt your decision...getting gastric bypass of any kind isnt something you think about lightly and no the ins wouldnt approve u if u weren't a good canidate for it.  The fear and anxiety of having the surgery was normal for me....the close to the date of my surgery the more negative thoughts i had bc at that point i was like omg what if my sis is right what if i die? then i stopped to think that i had a great surgeon and i put all my faith and trust in Gods hands and knew everything would be fine...Let me tell you this even getting wheeled down into surgery when i was at the door they were like come in ...i hesitated for a few seconds and took a deep breathe and walked into the or and told them make sure i wake up. and i did!! its only been two months for me and sometimes it feels like forever ago and other times im like wow already two month!! But i would do it again in an instant....and if you didnt have those fears i think you wouldnt be normal!  Congratulations on your approval and good luck to you on your journey!! There are plenty of people on this site that will support you on your journey!!!

Thank you so much!

I certainly would have had my surgery at least 6 years ago if I did not listen to all the doom and gloom.  all it made me feel like was a piece of s**t since it was so easy to lose weight and I just could not!

I hope you stick with your wonderful gift of surgery and enjoy your new life!!!

I was lucky enough to get almost universal support from my family, friends and co workers.  I let everyone know what I was thinking even before my first visit to the surgeon, and everyone was positive from the beginning.

If there was anyone who was a little apprehensive, it would be my dad.  He had a couple of friends (in their 60's) who had little success with the surgery (they were members of his American Legion post and they continued to drink their weight in beer everyday, even after the surgery...  Wonder why they failed?) and thought it wasn't worth the risk.  Well, just a few months later with a loss of almost 200 pounds, my father lay in his hospital bed the night before his heart bypass surgery, giving us his "just-in-case" goodbyes.  He told me he loved me, gay or straight, fat or thin.  And he was proud of me.  He saw that enduring the surgery and the subsequent changes was anything but easy, and he realized how hard I had worked to get where I was.  He said he was proud of me, and it was one of the best decisions I had ever made.  He wished he could do it as well, but knows with his other major problems, it is too late.  But he's glad that I have most likely avoided laying on that gurney waiting to be wheeled off for heart bypass surgery myself.

I know now that his apprehension was based quite a bit on fear, but mostly on love.  He loved me and was concerned about losing me.  He'd rather live with a fat son than no son at all.  I know that the way people express their fear and concern can sometimes be annoying and can make you second guess a decision you spent so much time and energy pondering, but in the end, it is your decision.  It is your success.  It is your's to win or lose.

You have a lot of people who love you.  Be happy in that respect.  And best of luck.  Your roller coaster is nearing the top of the lift hill.  Brace yourself.  It's going to be a hell of a ride!

Chris

BTW- I don't say roller coaster in the expectation that your weight will go up and down, but that the next few months will go quickly and excitedly, maybe with a few twists, a cobra roll and, ooo, one of those batwings.  I love those.  There was this coaster at Busch Gardens Tampa that was...  Wait...  What the hell was I talking about?  Where's my ritalin and a tramadol chaser? 

Chris, you are too funny!

Kevin,

I got the similar reaction. I was 258 at 5'7". My BMI was 40.4. I am a very upfront person and shared my surgery story with all my friends and coworkers. Many would say, "Tom, you can lose 50 pounds with no problem without surgery."  Do you know hows many times I tried that... I can't even count the times. Like you, I have Aetna and they are thorough in qualifying people. I had numerous health issues primarily heart, type 2 diabetes and high blood pressure and cholesterol. I did the surgery for my health.

I am only 8 months out and think I am doing O.K. Now, people have changed their tune. They see me at  dinners, parties, my work cafeteria and happy hours. They see that I don't eat some strange diet that is unbearable. They usually comment on how normal I seem to eat. I tell them it's almost t the same, just a lot less, lower fat and high protein. As a matter of fact, my coworker and guy in  the next cubicle who was a doubter early on told me that he encouraged his daughter to go in for a consult because of the results he saw in me.

I guess what I am  saying is that you need to be the person to educate your friends, coworkers and family. People only hear the bad things about any medical procedure. Let them know the positive side. And, particularly from what it will mean to your and your life.

Best of luck in your surgery! I'll be checking on you, Bud.
Tom

Thanks Tom, that is really helpful and a good way to look at it.


Thanks everyone, I am really liking this board and the people on it!

There are a lot of folks out there that just don't get morbid obesity.  I have a friend right now that is on the lighter side, but obese with a BMI over 40 nonetheless.  He is being very selective with who he is telling due to this.  I congratulate him on his decision to deal with this and to get healthy.  I congratulate you as well.  Hold your head high and psuh forward.  Hugs to you!