Insanity?

I think I'm goign insane.  Majorly insane!

So I've read about everyone having stalls and how it drives them mad...well, I know how you all feel now.  I've just completed 2 weeks of a stall.  No weight loss at all. 

On top of this insanity...the food angers have set in.  All of my life i could do a diet or change something for a month, but after that, I'd just give up.  So, now my body is playing all kinds of tricks on me and I don't give in but its getting harder.  I eat and feel full so I stop.  Two minutes later I feel famished, but I know I can be.  I'm starting to crave things I haven't had like Pizza and chips, and.....okay fill in the spot......but it's driving me insane.  Like today at the groc store my partner mentioned that chocolate cake sounded good.  I went to instantly peeved because it did sound good and i knew I couldn't have it.  It didn't bother me before, but does now.  WTH?  Tonight just topped it all off.  The live-ins made the dang chocolate cake and then on the way by stopped with the cake literally right in front of me and said i could have some if I wanted and that they saw me lick my lips.  How cold can you be??  I'm tired of the mood swings...tired of not being in control.  I feel like I'm spiraling out of control and don't know what to do next.  

In my despearation today I refused to eat more than breakfast, lunch, and dinner......i'm supposed to have 6 meals a day.  I'm so desperate to have the scale say fewer pounds.  This isn't the way I want to be.....not the WLS, but the out of control crap.  I know from reading on here that things are going to get better and that there are times that people stall.  I feel like I'm doing something wrong.  I think that is the bottom issue...I feel like I'm sabotaging me, but in reality I am doing what I'm supposed to.  I just feel all alone on this..... I'm normally very in control....especially with my emotions.....not since surgery have I been in control of them.....

Sorry....had to vent and get it out there before I exploded.

Vent all you want!!  I had lap band and it is a slow process so I really don't have any great answer but people will answer you soon!!!  Hope you begin losing again soon!  xo

I went insane about the same time post-op.  I felt almost all the way back to normal after surgery yet the food limitations (pureed stage) were maddening.  You are not doing anything wrong!  It is the nature of the process. 

As for making it better, time does help.  You will be able to taste and enjoy food again really soon.  My surgeon / nutritionist said variety (and later moderation) are the key.  So, during the pureed stage, I tried to not get stuck on "what I traditionally liked".  I tried some new "ok" foods, like cottage cheese and fell in love with them.  And, I varied the tastes with those foods - cottage cheese with salt/pepper, or salsa, or plain.   Still maddening!  I also really tried to limit what was in the house.  I kept on my partner to not bring no-no's into the house . . . much harder in your case with the in-laws and teenagers!  They can be "limited" for a short period . . . at least you might be able to talk to your partner some more about your feelings and reaction to the chocolate cake.  She might be able to mitigate her family some for a few weeks. 

As for the stall, I thought I would easily accept them when they occurred because they made sense physiologically.  Not the case!  I get really frustrated and focused on what I am doing wrong.  I usually can't identify anything, though in my case, it looks like I stall, retain water all month and then lose a bunch right before my period . . . I have started to use the stalls/frustrations (short or long) as a reminder to be mindful of my eating.  I re-read my food logs and look for trends (creeping up calories is a reality)!  I look at my exercise log.  I re-read my little diary (on Calorie King) in which I keep inspirational posts, useful information and WOW's. 

Keep venting!

OMG, you are so NOT alone here.
First of all stalls are a part of this process, no matter what type of surgery you've had, and even if you have not had surgery.  Remember when we dieted and hit that dreaded 'platueu'?  Stalls are going to come and go, no matter what.
But the insanity that you talk about, oh yeah, that is so me.  When it comes to food I am totally insane, I did not get to over 300 lbs by just eating a little too much or by just not having the right diet and excersise program.  Okay, so you had surgery just a couple months ago.  The surgery is a tool and will address some portion control, but as you are seeing, you still have the same head.  Hence, you hear the term 'head hunger' a lot in WLS circles.
I had the sleeve and the weight loss has been very slow, now  only 2-3 pounds a month.  At some point I blamed my issues on that, thinking I should have had the RNY.   I went through a period where I ate everything and anything I wanted.  I was really trying to have a binge, but of course my sleeve prevented me from binging like in the old days.  But I really, really wanted to, because food is my go to when the going gets tough.  After a couple months of this really frustrating eating, I had an epiphany of sorts and now I'm back on track.  The only way that I can explain it, it was like an alcoholic who runs around trying every drink he sees, and its all pop, no booze.  I could not get that food hit that I thought I needed so badly.
So we find other ways to cope, other ways to deal.  And that's where I am right now, working on that.  I'm one of those people who needs support, lots of it.  So I go to my monthly WLS group, I go to a weekly Pride 12 Step group, I come to the OH board.
So this is just me, I don't know if hearing my story helps a bit, but mostly I just wanted you to know that you are not alone and I hope that you can find some support here.
Hugs Bren

(((Rae))) You are no more insane than you once were (can't say you're not insane, 'cause I don't know you that well   LOL) But you are going through an intensely stressful period with some ******** in your life raft! Got enough $ to spend the night or two in a cheap motel? Might be worth it for the break. Tell the livins "Or you could get an apartment so you can cook all the crap you want!".

Out of control emotions are NORMAL at this point. You were very controlled before - because you stuffed and drugged all the feelings. Now you can't use sugars and fats like that. You're gonna feel more. Also, you stored up a lot of estrogens with that fat. You are literally more hormonal during rapid weight loss. (and I am betting you are still loosing fat even if there is no net loss on the scale).

Family trying to sabatage at this point is normal too. They too are at the time where they expect you to go off the diet and go back to normal. WTF you might really make a permanent change - and they will have to change too. Scary for everyone.

[Notice how wise I sound?!  What an act I can put on!]

I've managed to stop my weight loss cold for three weeks. It is not a stall. It is behavioral. I am at a size 16 - which in my head is healthy. I am feeling good and energetic, but not enough to really have to change my activity levels too noticably. I am cuter and sexier - but not too much. Wt. loss was feeling a bit inevitable and uncontrollable, so I stopped it. Don't quote me, but I think I am back at a place where I can go back to loosing. Give up some treats (no dumping with the sleeve), restart the exercise, and go back to making 3 oz of food be contentment instead of scary little to live on. This is quite the rollercoaster ride we strapped into!

Rae:

First, you are not alone.....

I'm six weeks out of RNY and I had the same stall at 40 lbs and the same issues. Remember they did surgery on our stomach and not our head. Our eyes still wants to sink our teeth into that large pizza or double cheeseburger, LOL. We all have to go through the grief process with food; denial, barganing, anger, (sometimes depression) and acceptance. I just completed about a two week stall myself but have lost 7 lbs this week??

Keep up the good work. Focus on why you did this; to get healthy. Let them eat themselves to death if they wish, we are done with those days. I feel like everything gets a little better each week or two.

Cheers!

DONT GIVE IN,, WHAT EVER YOU DO... DO NOT GIVE IN TO TEMPTATION.. Do not let FRUSTRATION win.. You've done that your whole life.. A stall in weight loss is just part of the game. You can survive it... You can keep your sanity... Dont panic because Panic leads to STUPID behavior and STUPID behavior leads to *****S BEHAVIOR.. 
Stalls are a good time to re-group,, refocus and build confidence.  If you grab that bag of chips,, if you give in to those UNSYMPATHETIC cake pushers,, You'll feel guilty and then you'll do it again because you feel guilty and then you'll be out of control again.

First off you need to talk to your roommates.. Its honestly not fare of them to throw that kind of temptation in your face. SHAME on them for doing it.. Especially in your own home when you cant run away from it so easily. You might hurt someones feelings but, who's life are you trying to improve?? Not theirs... I had to send my own sister to a hotel when she visited because she kept bring fast food in to the house she was a little offended but, she should have listened to me when I asked her not to.. (We might speak again next Christmas I dont know.)

2ND I just ended a 2 week Plato that was really hard to get through. Once your body adjusts itself you'll start loosing again. Thats just one of the EVIL EVIL things about weight loss.  There is a whole list of reasons why our bodies do that such as "Starvation Mode" Exorcise.
Hang tight,,be tuff and dont loooooooooose your mind.

If you urge to cheat becomes to great I have found taking a walk helps take my mind off of it.  

You are not insane just right on track. It is part of the ups and downs. It will all get better. As far as the stall, my first lasted about 3 weeks. Check your measurements. When I am stalling I am normally loosing inches somewhere. You are dropping weight so fast you have to give your body time to catch up. Don't cut back on your meals, trying making a few changes I also noticed once I was able to increase my water I started loosing more weight.

Now the chocolate, I have gotten the sf pudding and it is great or a yogurt works well too. when you are wanting something sweet that is the way to go. I have also been making shakes with my protein. I crush some ice in the blender, add about 3/4 cup of skim milk a scoop of vanilla protein and then a single serving of crystal light, it is a lot like a milk shake so when everyone else is having a dessert I do that or sf pudding. Good luck!!

Jeff

Thank you all for your advise!  Last night was tough, but today has been better.  Everything being said is what my mind was saying deep down...but I had a moment of weakness.  I have to learn that those weak moments will help me to become stronger.   This week my partner and I are going to branch out the foods to some new stuff.  Slowly I'm going to add to my list of things that agree with me.  The livins...in laws...whatever you want to call them at this point....would like to see me fail.  5 out of the 6 people living here have weight issues, and the one that doesn't has to gain weight.  He has cystic fibrosis, so I can't really ban the food that he likes that are junk food.  With him every ounce he can gain could help save his life.  However, the rest.  I'm just going to have to stay strong and when I lose the next 40 and start wearing clothes that are their sizes or smaller, then they will have to seriously look at their own life and have to answer for their decisions.  After I wrote my post last night my partner came back to where I was and said that she woudl be strong with me and said she wasn't going to eat any cake.  I know it's just a small action, but it helped me so much!  And then this morning she told me how proud she is of me for making the smart decisions and not giving up when things get tough.  That meant a lot as well. 

It will all work out...I just have to breath and keep on doing what I'm doing. 

*HUGS* to everyone for being here for me.  And so you don't think all i post is negative I wanted to take time to share a few wow moments that I've already had:

1. I got in the car yesterday with the steering wheel extended fully (we have a telescoping steering wheel) and the seat in the full upright position, and I got through without SQUEEZING in...once in....I had about an inch to an inch and a half between my tummy and the steering wheel!!!!

2.  I dropped the keys by my feet in the car and was able to bend over and pick it up without having to get out of the car.

3. I am able to rest my arms on my knees...almost can do elbows...but arms are better than having to sit up with just your hands on your knees!

4.  I went searchign through old clothes this past week and I found 7 work shirts that fit again and 2 causual shirts

5.  I have went from wearing my belt on the first hole to only having two holes left on the entire belt 

These are the things I laid awake last night thinking about....these are what is helping to make me stronger....well, and great friends like all of you!!!!!

 

Yipee for you! Isn't it amazing what even 40# can do toward improving your life.

(I got chewed out by a cop for insisting on getting out of my car to get my registration a while ago. Didn't realize until later that he was right - I COULD have reached across and gotten it from the glove compartment)