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Thought I should formally introduce myself and complete the transition from lurker. My 6 month post-operative appointment is next week on St. Patrick's day. i am very happy with my weight loss so far though I am currently stalled again. I love OH and particularly the thoughtful, intelligent posts of this board. I do attend a monthly support meeting at the university where I work (though fizzling out because of a Band vs. RNY conflict) but in reality OH is my primary non-friend/lover support. Other than an immediate post-op complication (GI bleed - bloody diarrhea - VERY SCARY) and low Vit D/iron I have had no problems. I have found all of my colleagues, friends and family to be very supportive.
MY GF and I live in a tiny village (~450 people) on a Finger Lake because we work in cities 2 hours apart. Once it is finally, really spring, I'll once again love living near the creeks, waterfalls and lakes of the region (grew up in SF Bay Area and last lived in central Florida).
I love my weight loss to date has relieved me of the constant anxiety of being a super morbidly obese person and the resultant difficulties associated with moving about in the world (physical, social, emotional). Now, I find myself once again struggling with the meaning of life, how I can best contribute back (work vs. home vs. individuals) and is it ok that I want to have (e.g. fun clothes) and do all the stuff that I have so long desired. It feels selfish!
Not being able to have any food I wanted almost stopped me from having surgery. Pre-op, I worried most about living the rest of my life with a feeling of constant deprivation since i hated not getting what I wanted. It turns out that I don't feel deprived at all and my "not getting what I want" behavior is nearly gone. I think this happened because I get so much more out of life now. I was being constantly deprived of life thus the behavior and elevated importance of food. Food does not have to be the only easy pleasure. Walks, bars, outside adventures, museums, play time at home are now fun and fulfilling, not wrought with some or lots of discomfort and anxiety. I did not realize how deprived of life participation I was because I really thought I got out and did whatever I wanted still. I did except I censored and prevented situations with too much sweating, long exertion, lack of comfortable seating, clothing choice difficulties etc.
One more thought and question for everyone . . . "emotional eating" seems to imply a greater pathology than I think most of us have? I believe everyone eats for emotional reasons both fat and thin - boredom, sadness, pleasure etc. For those of us that became "so" fat, first our portions were larger (probably genetics driven) and then over time food became more important because it was a pleasure that wasn't hard!!!! Thus if i can keep balance by finding fulfillment in many areas, I should be able to keep food as one, not the only pleasure (over-simplification). I still look forward to eating, crave certain foods and get pleasure from favorites sometimes driven by habit, situation or emotion. I don't want to feel guilty for this; it is a natural part of life. Am I under-estimating the importance of "why I ate" in this journey?
I love that this board makes me think in new directions, Meg
MY GF and I live in a tiny village (~450 people) on a Finger Lake because we work in cities 2 hours apart. Once it is finally, really spring, I'll once again love living near the creeks, waterfalls and lakes of the region (grew up in SF Bay Area and last lived in central Florida).
I love my weight loss to date has relieved me of the constant anxiety of being a super morbidly obese person and the resultant difficulties associated with moving about in the world (physical, social, emotional). Now, I find myself once again struggling with the meaning of life, how I can best contribute back (work vs. home vs. individuals) and is it ok that I want to have (e.g. fun clothes) and do all the stuff that I have so long desired. It feels selfish!
Not being able to have any food I wanted almost stopped me from having surgery. Pre-op, I worried most about living the rest of my life with a feeling of constant deprivation since i hated not getting what I wanted. It turns out that I don't feel deprived at all and my "not getting what I want" behavior is nearly gone. I think this happened because I get so much more out of life now. I was being constantly deprived of life thus the behavior and elevated importance of food. Food does not have to be the only easy pleasure. Walks, bars, outside adventures, museums, play time at home are now fun and fulfilling, not wrought with some or lots of discomfort and anxiety. I did not realize how deprived of life participation I was because I really thought I got out and did whatever I wanted still. I did except I censored and prevented situations with too much sweating, long exertion, lack of comfortable seating, clothing choice difficulties etc.
One more thought and question for everyone . . . "emotional eating" seems to imply a greater pathology than I think most of us have? I believe everyone eats for emotional reasons both fat and thin - boredom, sadness, pleasure etc. For those of us that became "so" fat, first our portions were larger (probably genetics driven) and then over time food became more important because it was a pleasure that wasn't hard!!!! Thus if i can keep balance by finding fulfillment in many areas, I should be able to keep food as one, not the only pleasure (over-simplification). I still look forward to eating, crave certain foods and get pleasure from favorites sometimes driven by habit, situation or emotion. I don't want to feel guilty for this; it is a natural part of life. Am I under-estimating the importance of "why I ate" in this journey?
I love that this board makes me think in new directions, Meg
Meg..
Thank you for your thoughtful post .
I am pre-op bypass and post-op lap band.
I 'm a foodie..love to cook it, love to eat it , read about it, buy cookbooks and and try new things out at restaurants as often as possible. like this is winter restaurant week in Boston..$33.09 for a 3 course meal at all these fabulous joints! i love this stuff.
My "homies"are foodies too and cannot believe I am going to restrict myself in this major way.
But I want to move around the world in a different way, have fun in a different way and keep myself in the bargain...
it is a huge move for any of us to do this..
Very courageous and personally very complicated decision.
i am sure I will have a lot more to say following the surgery.
jude
Thank you for your thoughtful post .
I am pre-op bypass and post-op lap band.
I 'm a foodie..love to cook it, love to eat it , read about it, buy cookbooks and and try new things out at restaurants as often as possible. like this is winter restaurant week in Boston..$33.09 for a 3 course meal at all these fabulous joints! i love this stuff.
My "homies"are foodies too and cannot believe I am going to restrict myself in this major way.
But I want to move around the world in a different way, have fun in a different way and keep myself in the bargain...
it is a huge move for any of us to do this..
Very courageous and personally very complicated decision.
i am sure I will have a lot more to say following the surgery.
jude
Welcome to the Board!!! :)
I'm a newbie, just out of surgery about 2 weeks. I think a lot about food and my emotional or psychological connection to it. I don't have all of the answers, but here is my thoughts....you are aware that prior to your surgery you had a food addiction. You ate because it brought pleasure. Now you know there are other pleasures in your life besides food. However, it is okay to still enjoy food....you can enjoy the taste, the rush to try something new, or even the socialization that a dinner out with friends can bring. However, while you are "enjoying" the food you must make sure you keep things within the boundaries of your new life. I guess what I'm saying is that as long as you know what you are doing, are in control, and not acting on impulse then you should be fine. However, maybe I'm thinking wrong......I am new at this.
Sucess is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts. - Winston Churchill
I can understand your discomfort with the idea of linking overweight with a pathology - addiction, etc. I would never presume to speak for all people within a category, but I do think that the majority of people who became so obese as to require surgery got there through disordered eating at some level.
The reason it's important to think now about what your reasons were for overeating is that you will be able to overeat again soon. There is a window of opportunity after your surgery where your eating choices are very limited, and those choices are to some extent enforced by your body. Farther out, your body will be more able to handle food choices and amounts that do not contribute to your well-being.
If you spend the time now, while your choices are being reinforced physically, to work on the reasons that you used food to fill some need other than nourishing and maintaining your body, you may be in a better position a year from now when you have the physical ability to eat more different things.
I love food, and I believe that there are valid reasons other than simple nutrition to eat things. However, if I don't try to keep track of why I'm eating something and how it fits in with my needs and the other things I'm eating, I risk returning to old patterns that were harmful to me.
The reason it's important to think now about what your reasons were for overeating is that you will be able to overeat again soon. There is a window of opportunity after your surgery where your eating choices are very limited, and those choices are to some extent enforced by your body. Farther out, your body will be more able to handle food choices and amounts that do not contribute to your well-being.
If you spend the time now, while your choices are being reinforced physically, to work on the reasons that you used food to fill some need other than nourishing and maintaining your body, you may be in a better position a year from now when you have the physical ability to eat more different things.
I love food, and I believe that there are valid reasons other than simple nutrition to eat things. However, if I don't try to keep track of why I'm eating something and how it fits in with my needs and the other things I'm eating, I risk returning to old patterns that were harmful to me.
Extremely well said, Zandra. I agree that not everyone who is overweight has an eating disorder but to get to the point of morbid obesity (which is different than overweight), for most of us does involve pathology. For me (using I statements here), I believe I will have this addiction lifelong. Just like any addict, I will have to make conscious choices for the rest of my life about what goes into my mouth, how much and, yes, most importantly... why or risk ending up back at my highest weight and beyond. I think the most dangerous state of mind I can fall into is an attitude of "I've done it... I've arrived". I am five pounds from my goal weight of 125 and it is the most difficult to lose... not because it's the last five pounds but because I then need to answer the question... "what now?". I've never known a life of not struggling to lose weight. It is a whole new world for me... one that I'm enjoying the fruits of but also one that I know will require continued deep inner work. Just following the plan is not enough. If it were, I would have had no need for the surgery. Understanding my pathology and choosing according to the plans of my lifestyle are key to my/our continued success.
Thank you for this thoughtful thread.
Thank you for this thoughtful thread.
"When patterns are broken, new worlds emerge." -Tuli Kupferberg
Yes!
I don't think I time will come when I am cured, whatever that might mean, of the disorder that took me to a BMI of 56. I agree that acknowledging and working with it is probably the best I can expect. I feel like it is very important for me to remain vigilant over time, even and especially when I am at a weight that I would be comfortable maintaining at. This can't be a journey with an end point, because I will still have the underlying disorder, hopefully without the physical symptom of obesity.
I don't think I time will come when I am cured, whatever that might mean, of the disorder that took me to a BMI of 56. I agree that acknowledging and working with it is probably the best I can expect. I feel like it is very important for me to remain vigilant over time, even and especially when I am at a weight that I would be comfortable maintaining at. This can't be a journey with an end point, because I will still have the underlying disorder, hopefully without the physical symptom of obesity.
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