Too skinny???

I have had a number of people telling me something I have been told before in my life, that I am too skinny and need to stop loosing weight. I tell them that I still have some more weight to loose and they are like no you look like you should gain some. I was just checking my BMI which is like 26.7 and it said for my height of 6'4" my ideal weight should be 189 which is 10 pounds below the goal I have set for myself. My nut nor my surgeon have not given me a goal weight. I go back to the surgeon in 2 weeks. I found out the other day I should have gone back in January but they said they would send me a card when it was time to go back, I never got the card.  Has any one else had people tell them that you are too skinny? How did you handle it. This people don't see me with out my clothes on, I don't think they would be saying that if they had.

Jeff

Yes, I've been told several times. I was also told I look sickly. UGH! Jerks.

I haven't "handled" it yet because those comments were part of my body image issues. I kept looking at myself nakey and wondering if I was really too skinny.

I too am dealing with looking too skinny. No one has told me that I am... but I'm feeling it and seeing it when I look in the mirror. With my clothes on I feel like I would be fine losing the last 6 pounds but without the clothes what is see is skin hanging on bones... not pretty.

NOW ON THE OTHER HAND... I have been told by those a lot further out than I am that this is normal. The body continues to rearrange the fat it has left for up to a year after we are done losing and those parts that look emaciated like for me is the chest and shoulders and butt, will fill back out and other places that still have some (hips, thighs) will come into moderate proportion.

The other aspect that will continue to reshape us is the exercise which I'm not doing right now. I have been told to start building muscle with weights and resistance and to stay away from the heavy aerobics. As soon as I'm done driving my daughter to PT and home from work every day which takes up 2 hours after work (when her knee is healed), I'm going to start going to Club One and get with a trainer. I expect weight training and building muscle will help fill out some of the skinny. Meanwhile, I just keep my clothes on most of the time.

As to how much is too much... I think we are all at risk for trading one form of our eating disorder for the opposite end of the spectrum and becoming OCD about weight loss. I have huge fear about gaining it back, almost to the point that I want to lose a little too much so I have a cushion to gain if need be.

I also think our mind's distorted views of self image play a huge role. When I ask Z about how I look naked and I know she'll be totally honest with me, she says I'm still okay. And she doesn't like too skinny. I think if we can find someone we trust to tell us the truth and allow them to be a mirror for us until we get our head's arranged accurately over time, it would help us not to get too thin... because I think it is possible.

Yup! i get told that all the time. What you have to remembeer is that people are used to seeing our old self and are compairing our new self to that. So yes we are too skinny when they do that. Are we in reality? Prolly and usually not.

I think people get so used to seeing us big, that when we lose weight so quickly it's hard for them to adapt.

I have people tell me that I'm melting away and I'm so tiny, they hope I'm not trying to lose any more weight ...blah blah blah.  I'm at the high end of a normal BMI, I'm far from being too thin.

If you are healthy and you feel good, then I would just politely say that you keep a close eye on your health along with your dr. and everything is great.  i really do believe that they say things like this out of concern...even though we feel like ***** slapping them when they say those comments.

I hear it CONSTANTLY! To the point of nausea..

Someone else already said this, but I think it is worth repeating. I learned this in my support group. People (the ones that know you) will say you are too skinny, when in fact they are just not used to seeing you this way. Just listen to your doc and your nut and go with what they say (again my doc told me last week.. No more weight loss. :0(

But don't go by what people around you say. You look different than you have ever looked in your life.

Also remember - I think it is a full 50% of the US population are overweight or obese. Americans aren't used to seeing people at a healthy weight. If you get to and remain in 'healthy', you will in fact be smaller than the average man your height.

If folks tell you in a year that you are unhealthy looking. Then maybe they have a point. But right now, the above posts are right on target. You just don't fill out the old 'Jeff' mold anymore. They'll get used to it.

You have a point there, Nean.  At my year check up with my surgeon, I said I am finally an average sized woman.  She said actually, you are smaller than the average woman.  Believe me...I am in no way too skinny.

Better than being told you are TOO fat

I've been getting a lot of this too. Like you, I'm still a little bit north of a "normal" BMI. Because I am goal-oriented, I want to get into that normal range. My partner gets very nervous that because I am still trying to lose although I seem small to her, that I will lose too much and harm myself.

I do keep in mind that it is not uncommon to experience an eating disorder after WLS. Truthfully, many of us have already had lengthy EDs - that is how we got to the point where we required surgery to treat the obesity. Although we have had successful treatment for the obesity symptom, the underlying ED is still present, and may express itself differently.

I do recognize that although my BMI is in the "normal" range that a portion of those pounds are in the excess skin. If I were to have that removed, it would probably put me in the high end of a normal range, but I would like to get there without additional surgery.

I think there is a real danger for us of becoming too small for our best health, but I also think our loved ones may become concerned even before we get to a reasonable goal weight. In my case, people have never known me at anything like a healthy weight - I'm now a weight that I haven't been since about junior high. I can see why they would find it strange for me to be trying to lose even more.

In the case of my partner, who is close enough that she gets to have some input into the issue, I agreed with her on a minimum weight at which I would stop actively trying to lose. I agreed on a number that is comfortably in the middle of the BMI range for my height. That way, if I begin to have a distorted idea of a reasonable weight for me, I have a number to identify it. That's just for my partner and I, though. For people that are less close and say "You're not going to lose any more weight, are you?" I generally say "Yes, a bit more. Can you believe I'm still overweight? Huh!"

In the end, you have to be the one that decides what you do with your body. Just check in with yourself to make sure you are working toward goals that are reasonable and healthy for you.