Help - I need your thoughts!

Hello All,

Yeah I know it has been a while, but that is me sometimes.  Well a couple things have changed found a wonderful person and we have been dating now for over a month, could not ask for anyone better.  However, I have been contemplating whether or not to have the surgery.  I still have until July to really decide, as I am on the lovely 6-month diet thing, which by the way, I have broken like 100 times already.  I have been thinking, that maybe I should not do the surgery.  Things pop into my head like complications, what is the outcome says 40 years down the road.  Will I have problems with it and my life?  Do I really want to only eat a small handful of food?  I love food.  I have spent most my life loving it, as you all had.

So not sure what I am looking for here, but I guess I’m venting.  The terror thoughts are all that I can think of.  Then there are those days that I start sweating when I have barely done anything.  I just don’t know what to do.  So please HELP!!!

I think your questions and fears are normal. I'm sure we've all felt that way at some point. 40 yrs from now scares me (heck 5 yrs from now scares me) but I can only focus right NOW and how this has bettered my life in so many ways.

I don't know what else to say. I'm sure someone else will have better advice

Good luck! 

You really do have a lot to think about.  For me losing the weight has helped me to have a lot more fun, be more social and the most important thing for me is I actually have almost no more aches and pains!
My partner of 8 years has never complained or made mention of my weight, but I know now she must be happier as I know I am!
I know what you mean about loving food as I use to think I did to but now I think I used it as my drug of choice!
Good luck! 

Hi there.. First and foremost.. CONGRATS on coming back home to OH.com!!!

More than this, congrats on finding thar great guy.. I too share the same and it is a great feeling to have a truly great and wonderful person to share your life with. You need to tell us more about this wonderful man of yours!!! :-)

Making the decision to move forward with surgery or not is a great one and not one to be taken lightly. I stood in the same shoes that you are in right now my friend and know how hard it is to decide. Having a timeline to decide is a blessing. However, this time will pass quickly.

The six month diet plan, as required by most ins companies these days, is a serious pain in the keister, but it teaches you discipline. I am not sure if they even expect you will stick to it 100%, but you should do your best. Everyone falls off the wagon at times, we are not perfect!!

Your thoughts on reasons not to have the surgery are valid ones indeed. Complications are a real possibility and should be taken seriously and looked at through "real" eyes..

Eating a small amount of food is a concern of yours as well, I know that feeling all to well my friend.. I had that same thought!!

NOW, let me share my story and I pray this will help you along.. In the past I knew I was a big boy and I was on every diet known to God and man.. Weigh****cher, jenny Craig, Atkins, Low Carb, High Protein, Dr Vitkins, Quick Weight Loss Centers of Atlanta and the list goes one and on. I could lose the weight, but not enough to make a huge difference. Max of 70 pounds..

I was at 346 pounds in Oct 06 and it was during this month that a life changing event occured for me that FINALLY opened my eyes. I was called at work in Atlanta one afternoon and it was my brother. He was crying and told me that my mother had a heart attack and was in the hospital. I was a paramedic for ten years and received all the details on her condition form the nursing staff and it was NOT GOOD!! I rushed home and found her in CCU in Huntsville Hospital. She was hooked up to machine after machine with lines running everywhere. Imagine a robot attacking someone adn you get the picture!

She stabilized and the tests began. The outcome of those tests gave us reality on our worst fears - 100% blockages in two ateries, 90% in another and 80% in yet another. We should have lost her, no doubt.. This was serious!!

She was shcedule for quadruple bypass surgery and I cried like a baby when they wheeled her away from me that morning going into surgery. I knew that moment "could" be the last time I saw her alive! As the hours passed I sat with worry and doubt and fear was all about me. Finally, the doctor came out and told us that she came through the operation fine. THANK GOD!!! 

I finally got to see her and I assure you, what I saw was NOT something most people would ever want to see. She was in the CVICU and the sight literally took my breath away. Mind you, I saw everything during my tenure as a paramedic.. But NOTHING prepared me for what I saw that night!! As days progressed, she got much better and her life was back. Pain was there, but she was back. More energy ever day. I had my mom with me..

One afternoon, she sat me down and told me, "baby, please take care fo yourself - I never want to see you in this bed". 

Well, that started my journey!! I knew what I had to do and started the process to do it. I researched and spoke with doctors offices and specialists locally and determined this was my best move. I was fearfull, doubtful and changed my mind dozens of times.

Finally, I made up my mind and my day came.. RNY for Kevin.. March 17, 2007!!

I remember being in the pre-op room and then waking up in recovery. It was done!! I was int he hospital for several days and then recovered at home for a few days.. It was not that pleasant, but I can honestly tell you that I do not really remember the pain specifically now.

Before surgery, I lived to eat.. I loved food and still do. However, it took but a few weeks to adjust to eating small portions of food. It is simply a mindset and shanges without you even realizing it. Trust me, it does!!! Now, I eat to live. I do jump off the old wagon now and then, but stay on track a majority of the time. I no longer eat processed sugar of any kind, no carbonated beverages, no fat laden foods and honestly do not miss them at all..

I started my journey wearing a 46" waist, XXXL shirt and 346lbs. I sit here today with a 32" waist, M shirt and 196lbs. My comorbities are GONE.. No more sleep apnea, no longer bordeline diabetic, no longer do I have pain in my back, knees or ankles. My blood pressure is no longer elevated and my cholesteral is within normal limits. I am a healthy guy for the first time in years.

One thing that you said above is worth noting here.. "what the outcome says 40 years down the road". You have a valid point, but let me share my thought on this with you. If I had not taken my step to have surgery and get healthy, I would have never seen another 40 years. I would have been lucky for 10-15, at best (IMO). I will gladly welcome another 40 years of life to share with my partner and my family. Complications are complications and I will deal with these as they come. I have a new lease on life and I am going to be thankfull for it every day and treat it with the respect it deserves.

I know my post is long, but I feel we share a very common bond here. I was who you are now and you can be where I am very soon. You have to make this decision, but just know that regarldess of what decision you make, you will be supported and loved.. I hope this helped in some small way for you. Also, if you ever just want to talk to a third party to ask crazy questions, just send me a PM and I will give you my cell number. We are to support aone another and I will be more than happy to do so.

Thanks, Kevin

Kevin concluded with precisely what I was going to say to you.  If I hadn't reined in my health and taken control of my life, I would not be here in 40 years to have the "what if" debate.  My gift to myself as I turned 50 last year was a new digestive system (RNY) and the hope that eventually I will be a relatively healthy 90 year old!  

I still have some 200 pounds to lose but I'm going forward.  I had to push the fears aside - and believe me as a critical care RN thru my clinical career I had plenty of fears whirling around in my head.  I had to face them, bundle them up and put them aside.  It can be very easy to see a potential early death from obesity as something just theoretical, years down the line, and to continue to believe there would be some other "fix."  Meantime the surgery confronts one with real risk.  So it can seem like that risk is greater - cause it's right there in your face and is elective.  A heart attack in the future is not!  But finally I faced my own reality - something drastic needed to happen.  And here I am a month out, down more than 40 pounds since surgery, and on we go. 

I wish you well as you have your own internal debate and struggle with the restricted diet.  Been there, believe me.  I would be happy to gab with you any time if it would help.

Mike

Reality check...your fears and questions are normal.  To have or NOT have this surgery is a major decision...there is a .05 chance of death from this surgery...but guess what there is 100% probability of death in this life time.  I'm not trying to focus on the downside of gastric bypass or life, but let's face it we are here to enjoy life...and who wants to do something to jeopardize that.  However, we've already done things to jeopardize it...gaining an unhealthy amount of weight that kept or may still keep some of us from doing the things that make us healthier, happier, and give a longer life span.  If you don't have surgery, you will get to continue your lifestyle...be as active as your are, eat what you want, continue taking any medication related to your weight.  If you have this surgery, your lifestyle WILL change...you can't eat like you used to, you become more active, you may not have to take the medications you had to...you may have to deal with some complications...obstruction, gall bladder, malnutrition, etc. 

Now, I have to question what you're really questioning...you mention this person you have been dating for over a month...that's great...congratulations.  Are your questions to have or not have surgery stemming from your anxiety of the procedure and making life changes or are you worried this person may be someone you really want to spend some significant time with; therefore, you're afraid that having surgery may put a strain on your budding relationship and end it?

I work with someone who had RNY two years ago in May.  I watched his progress - he lost 200 pounds in the first year and had no complications.  I started talking with him about the process and the complications.  I found out he had RNY because his wife was pushing him to...he was happy being 400 pounds, but she wasn't happy with his weight.  To see them you would be shocked...he was 5'10 and 400 pounds and she is maybe 5' about 95 pounds.  Anyway, he's now having problems...he had emergency surgery to have his gall bladder removed...he then had an obstruction and a hernia for which he had another emergency surgery...he's now not eating right and drinking sodas, and totally miserable.  In my opinion, he had surgery for the wrong reason...to make his wife happy.  You have to really take time and examine what YOU want to do...figure out if you want to live the next 25 or maybe 40 years as you are with the complications you have now or may develop....or do you want to make a major change and give yourself the best chance of living another 40 years to see what happens?

I chose to try and stay around another 40 years...I know that if I had continued as I was my health was going to start to deteriorate.  This way, I'm back in the fight to live the best and longest life I can possibly live.

Sorry for the long post, but you can see this is something that I've thought long and hard about...I took 365 days before surgery to really think it through and make my final decision.  I was at peace the morning I laid on that table and was ready to live or die according to God's plan.

Brid

Emit,

Fears like yours are normal. Actually expected. This is surgery after all. There are no 100% guarantees what will happen. What I did was weigh the pro's and con's. Bring up a spreadsheet and type the pro's and con's into two columns. After that look at what your top 3 are on both lists. Weigh them against each other. I found that my health, quality of life and happiness on the pro side well outweighed my fear of complications, fear of failure and regretting what could be a permanent change on the con's side. 

I am a pretty analytical person. I also weighed the types of surgery options too. I had a history of complications after surgery. So, this was a major factor. I chose lapband. It's slower, less dramatic change and less evasive. I felt better choosing this shorter and less complicated surgery. RNY is not that bad. Look at the stats and stories on here.

I hope this helps. You should be concerned and involved in finding the right answer for yourself. Do NOT let a doctor or surgeon dictate this to you. It needs to be a discussion. After spending time in a hospital, I can tell you that you need to take charge of your health and self.

Tom