To play or not to play, that is the question!

So most of you know I am a professional football player.  Or I was.  Our team took a year off this year, one of the reasons I decided to go ahead with surgery.  Last night I was offered an amazing opportunity.  To play for one of the best teams in the league.  I am so excited and terrified at the same time.   I relied on my weight for leverage.  I am now down almost 60 pounds from last years weight, and I dont know how to be less than one of the best players.  I am super competitive and not sure how to handle the lowered abilities I feel I will have now. I am also super concerned about dropping weight too quickly with that level of activity.  I am 3 months out, and still losing fairly quickly with my moderate lifestyle.  How can I possibly get in enough calories to play 3 hours of football?  High intensity, high water loss, high dehydration.  I have grieved the loss of this sport for months now and its like someone offered heroin to a junkie here.  I have permagrin like crazy even while my brain is telling me that I may not be able to do it now!  I dont want to accept that I am not able to play.  I am the type that will keep going even if I am out of energy.  Its an adreniline sport so you dont really notice the pain till after....I dont even know if I could say no.  I really dont want to.  I want to go see what the thinner me can do.   I am just not sure if its the smartest thing in the world to do.  We only have 5 weeks to get in shape and play our first game.  What that will require is 10 hours a week of high intensity practice, and 3 hours of actual game time per week.  Sorry this rambled on so long, but my brain is fighting my heart!

Hi Barb -

My immediate reaction is, of course, "play play play!"  My doctor okayed me to go do any sport at all after 6 weeks, including high impact ones, and even encouraged me to do so.

THAT said, none of those things I'm interested in require a high caloric output over 3 hours on a daily basis.  Once or twice a week, sure, but how often do you need to practice?

Here's my advice: this is clearly important to you, and something you want.  No matter what advice you get on this board, good or bad, you should be talking to your doctor about this choice.  His advice may surprise you - maybe you can NOT have your cake, but still get to eat it, so to speak?

Of course this was discussed preop with him.  He told me I could absolutely play.   It is well within my physical limitations, mainly because I was already in that space prior to surgery.    The impact is not an issue at all at this point.

We practice 3-3.5 hours 3 times a week preseason, then 2 night practice and saturday games after season starts.  On off days we do gym workouts.   The gym workouts should not be an issue.  I already do high intensity spin classes and aggressive workouts there.  Its the high muscle taxing football on the field workouts that I am worried about.  With no impact, ie: spinning or eliptical, I reach a wall fairly quickly due to caloric restriction and the lack of glycogen we all have.  I have to work through it with pure willpower alot of days.

On the flipside this should start rebuilding muscle and get me in incredible shape.  If I survive the process. lol.

I guess alot of my hesitation is mental.  What if I am not the athlete I think I am?  What if the fat was my advantage.  What if under all this i am just an average girl without alot of skill?  Can I handle just being OK at a sport I was one of the best at?  ARGH!!!!!!!!!!

I can sort of dig what you're saying.  The only sport I was ever good at was sumo wrestling - and no, I'm not kidding.  I supplement my income by acting on the side, and being a little asian looking had me going out for every sumo wrestler role in every commercial out there.  To get a bit of an edge, I started training in the sport, and actually found I was pretty decent at it, though my endurance sucked.  Had to put that aside when I did the surgery, for now.

You sound like the kind of person who loves a challenge and doesn't give up easy.  The competitor is still there - as are the skills you've learned, and the raw muscle memory.  Things may be harder with less mass, I'm not going to insult you by pretending otherwise - I get it.  But when you achieve, when you blow through it - there'll be no question.  It won't be the fat doing it - it'll be your determination, your skill, your know how - you. 

I have the feeling you're going to rock this out of the park.  Maybe not at first - you're going to have to learn your new body.  But this will help you do that, and then you'll start kicking ass like you never have before.

A side note, though: if you've ever bowled when you were bigger, try to go bowling now, just once, before you start training again.  It really makes you start realizing how much your center of gravity has changed.  Might be a good educational experience - it sure was for me.

Honestly I am terrified to discover my limitations.  It is so ironic to me that I was so fearless before and now, just paralyzed by the possiblity of being less.  I know so many others struggle the opposite.  I was happy with my physical abilities PRIOR to surgery.  My health was the issue.

It is well symbolized by shopping the other day.  Prior to surgery I used to wear a black bikini top with board shorts to the lake to kayak in.  The pic is actually on my profile if you dont believe me.  NOW????  Hell no.  I am looking at swim suits at the store this weekend and I am totally nauseaus!  I feel like there is so much more expectation on my body to look a certain way now!  I was way more comfortable letting it all hang out before!

However you are right.  I am going to go bowl tonight.  I will see how it feels!  I already strapped on my pads and helmet and went for a jog last night to see how that felt.  It felt heavy!!!

Thanks for your encouragement!  I can tell you get what I mean.  The sumo thing is so totally a great reference!

Hey, no worries.  Glad to be a sounding board.  Sounds to me like you're already set for the challenge, just mid-process in getting yourself psyched up for it.  Check in and be sure to let us know how it goes!

Part of the wierdness of this trip for all of us is the unexpected, sudden self consciousness on things we never thought twice about before. 

While it's off topic, my hair is falling out - something I was told to expect as a surgery side effect but was still TOTALLY unprepared for.  It never occured to me that I'd obsess about it - I mean, if my body's getting presentable, why should I care that my hair looks a little thin?  Now I'm wearing baseball caps for the first time in my life, and feeling totally self conscious about it.  The wierd part is, no one else seems to notice the thinning hair but me.  They do, however, all notice the baseball caps when I wear them, since they seem so out of place on me.

Go fig!

 I totally agree about the weirdness of the unexpected, sudden self consciousness about things we never thought twice about before - mine at the moment is hair . . . I thought before surgery that the hair loss was not big deal since I had so much and could never lose enough to notice.  Well, turns out it was a big deal for me, like you.  It not only falls out but changes behavior.  My hair is less curly, more gray and less wash n' go.  But, I know it will grow back.  The hair loss driven introspection (often inspired by this group) has made me realize that being fat taught me/us to worry about so many aspects of life.  Prior to weight loss, I worried about whether I would fit, could play, could endure, could keep up or would sweat unbearably.  Unfortunately, I/we still have the learned/embedded "worry" skills and are channelling the behavior into other aspects of our lives such as hair loss.  As I lose weight, I find I worry so much less (not hypervigilant anymore) but am still very conscious of this tendency.

Go for it girl! You know the thing about getting back on the horse when it throws ya (or, in this case when you are afraid it might throw ya). You got a big, beautiful horse presenting itself.

That being said, you might want to see if you can locate a good sports nutritionist online or semilocal as your nut doesn't seem to be tuned in with athletic training issues.

You do what you feel is best for your highest good and the rest will work itself out!!

I agree...go for it!  What do you have to lose, but more weight?!?  And, you'll have more fun loosing it that way than running on a treadmill staring at a wall.   Just remember, we want to see your player photo!!

Brid