Unbelievable! (In a bad way...)

I don't have many friends to share this with, so I hope I can share this with you good folks.

Last night I arrived home from a 3-day business trip to find that my partner of 9 years had moved out.  No warning, no issues between us, nothing!  (Or, perhaps I'm really stupid and didn't see any issues... who knows...)

The only thing that he left behind was a note saying how sorry he was about leaving the way he did and that if I would change my mind about having WLS, he would come back.  He and I both discussed the options available and agreed that WLS is in my best interest from a health perspective.  I just don't understand...

The reason I share this with you is because I would like to know if anyone is aware of this happening.  If so, any advice would be greatly appreciated... from anyone.

Thanks for reading this.

Brent...

    

I am so sorry!  I think that now that he has gone it is time for you to think of and do for you!  I know you must be hurting like a !@#$%^  but moving out without warning was not the right thing for anyone to do in a relationship, so since he did take the time to heal and have surgery to be healthy, active and happy!!  I know I am not saying the right thing but I am sorry this happened!

Ann,

Thanks for helping.  You said absolutely the right thing.  I am definately going through with the surgery.  In fact, I have an appointment with my surgeon tomorrow so I can get my "date".  If ever I can return the kindness, please don't hesitate to ask!

Big hugs,

Brent...

Ouch!!! I'm so sorry honey! That sucks. His delivery was uniquely painful, but relationships do end because of WLS. And though I'm not one to advocate for 'woops, that's it' endings, I'd keep the option on the table.

If he could really, deeply love you, he would not try to hold your health hostage to keep things from changing. He would be willing to love you through the change and risk loosing the you he loves in favor of what is to come. He may not be capable of that kind of love. And if he is not, then perhaps he has made a good decision to cut and run rather than drag you both through the drama.

Don't cave on the surgery issue. If he runs from this issue, he'd likely run under other stress.  If it works for him once, he'll do it again. And, you don't want to be power man down like that in a relationship. You can't live your life worrying about what will make him abandon you again. Let him live out there without you at least for a bit before you let him in the door. He needs to be doing some serious growing up right about now.

 

nean that was perfect. i couldn't have worded it better myself. bravo!

Nean, That was a perfect answer. I don't know your situation but I suspect there are other issues he has not discussed with you. I know I was leery of my partner having WLS 3 years ago. I had this idea in the back of my mind that it was about getting skinnier and looking for someone better. I came to realize that it is more about health and personal image. It could be a reason. I have heard this from others. I agree you should not cave in getting the surgery. If he returns and if you believe the relationship can be salvaged. He must fess up why he left and what his fears are. Once you know that, you can go from there. Best of luck and try yo keep a positive attitude about your life and future changes. -- tom

Tom,

Thanks for helping me out.  I was able to get additional perspective from him and you were right on target.

I am moving forward with my surgery and feel great about my decision.  A little scared, but good!

Thanks for your help.  If ever I can help you, please don't hesitate to let me know.

Brent...

Nean,

I can't thank you enough for your kind words of encouragement.  It helped more than you will ever know!

Big hugs,

Brent...

Damn that sucks!!!  It must be terrible to have had no warning!  I know you must be agonizing about the whys and how but try to give your future after WLS plans some space too.  WLS is so worth it - the world becomes full of opportunity again . . . From your profile, it sounds like you are far along in the process . . . we'll be supportive as you keep moving.  

Meg,

This past week has been really hard, but it's because of very special people like you I was able to make it through.  Thanks so much for your support, and following-up to check on me.  You're very sweet!

Oh, and BTW...  WELCOME to our group and CONGRATULATIONS on your decision to no longer be a "lurker". 

Big hugs,

Brent...