rant.. MEN!!! (The straight kind.. not you guys)

Ok, so my story is probably much like a lot of other people's. I have been fat my entire life, and I mean it. I think I weigh less now than my birth weight.

Needless to say this (plus the last name Dickey) caused a lot of anguish and teasing growing up, and the "guys" never had any interest in me, other than to take me under their wing as their friend or "wounded" bird. Which was fine, cause I liked their sister anyway..

Now with the inception of Facebook, these people are all coming out of the woodwork and I have "friends" that I hardly remember or remember clearly. Some I remember with fondness and some, not so fond. After some coaxing from some real friends, I posted some new pictures. Can I tell you they are crawling out of the woodwork! I am being called a MILF, and how they are so shocked, and proud of me. And WOW I never looked like that in high school. And I'm amazing, and beautiful, etc.

Now most people would be grateful, and I appreciate the nice thoughts, but part of me is insulted. I am STILL the same person on the inside. I am still the same girl that sat up and listened while they cried about Barbie. Or the one they could call last minute on a Saturday night because they knew I would be home (well not anymore babe!). What I am trying to say is, my inside hasn't changed, and just because I am now worth
f%$#ing.. Does not make me a better person.

Ugh... I'm done.

Well I hope you aren't insulted by what I said :(

I say get rid of those "friends". When I joined Facebook everyone was all like "you can re-connect with old friends" blah blah blah. I had no friends in school. Seriously. I was so outcasted it wasn't even funny. All of my Facebook friends are real life friends, some of you guys, and clients.  If anyone finds me from my High School I won't accept their invite because I know people will say the same stuff - plus they weren't even my friends then any way.

Maybe I've been out of high school a lot longer but I have had some people find me on FB from HS and they've either grown up or changed into the jerkee and now I feel sorry for them because in spite of all their promise back then, their life sucks now. I think we get to be totally different people now. I was one of the fat kids in HS, unpopular, not even smart enough to be a geek, just mostly lost. Interestingly, someone I recently connected with didn't see me that way at all. She was one of the popular girls and her take on me was I was quiet and confident and really kind. Maybe some of us were more miserable than we needed to be. But then again, I wouldn't want to try to do it again! LOL BTW... I'm much thinner than her now. LOL 

Lol.. that's part of it. Some of them have gone backwards and look like I did in high school.

Thank you Raven, and did you get my email?

I dan't get email here at work. I can check when I get home... or did you message me here?

Oh I have no idea.. It is probably stuck in email hell somewhere. I just wanted you to know I didn't get the pictures and sent you my home email address..

AHHH BROOKE!! No way was I insulted by what you said. I really appreciate your opinion, and a lot of other people that congratulated me, it was the few guys from high school that changed their tune that offended me. NOT YOU!! OF COURSE!

And I'm not a ***** I appreciate praise, it is just hard to swallow when it is from people who wouldn't give me a sidewards glance fat. Ya know?

Well thank Bob LOL! 

I did find one guy friend. I think he's super hot - always have. Real clean cut all American guy. All the girls he dates are like blonde bombshells. But he's nice and always accepted me the way I was ...I was just not his type (not that he was either). I found him on Facebook last week, added him, and waited several days. He finally accepted my invite and sent me a message saying he didn't even know who I was at first and that I looked great. Luckily, he didn't get all pervy.

By the way ..I wish someone called me a MILF ...haha!! Ok, just not by a guy!

Ok.. if it was a woman.. I wouldn't be having this rant. j/k actually I don't know if I would or not to be honest.

Hey Sweetie... I so get this! I think I actually talked about it at one point and how I'm disgusted by people (not just men) but anyone who now whats to get up with me because now I'm one of the pretty people when in the past they wouldn't have given me the time of day.

I was pissed about this one day and venting to Z who completely disagreed with me. She told me that I am not the same person I was. That I was not as nice to be around because I was miserable, in pain, grumpy and not open, unreceptive. Now I don't think I was that bad but I do know that I was one of these people who used my weight to keep people at arm's length. I guess I figured if they really wanted me, they'd have to love me in spite of my fat and that would prove they were serious. I don't know if that makes sense. I think part of me kept the weight on for so long for this very reason. That if I got "hot" then how could I trust someone wanted me for me and not just for my hot bod. Well that kind of thinking (I'm thinking now) is kinda defensive and actually puts people off.

Now maybe you weren't that kind of fat girl. I'm just saying I was... so now... what I'm finding is that people want me because I'm both wonderful to be around and hot.

Now the idea that people are just wanting to get with you based on a picture... well that is ****** up. On the other hand, maybe they've grown up too. And I'd say you were always worth f%$#ing... maybe it's just that you know it now... makes you not a better person... but maybe a happier one.

But.... yeah, I totally understand. Ugh!