Support Group Issue - How does yours handle this?
Last week I attended my local support group. I have a gripe about something they do at every meeting. Maybe I am being over sensitive about this but it bothers me. I am curious if this is standard for other support groups.
At the start of every meeting they ask people to introduce themselves and share something about their surgery. It is almost entirely their name, date of surgery, and weight loss to date. It isn't mandatory but you feel compelled to participate.
I have an issue with this as a lapband patient. I will say that about 90% of those in attendance are RNY. As they report their weight losses of 100-180+ pounds, I feel less and less motivated with my slower and lower weight loss. I guess if I was losing 25 pounds a month I would be happy to share it.
This might just be a symptom of having a combined RNY and Lapband support group. This month for the first time, they split the group for TNY and Lapband breakouts for the final 30 minutes. I think that came from my constant *****ing about the meeting format when I go in for my monthly fill appointment.
So, what are everyone's thoughts on this?
Tom
At the start of every meeting they ask people to introduce themselves and share something about their surgery. It is almost entirely their name, date of surgery, and weight loss to date. It isn't mandatory but you feel compelled to participate.
I have an issue with this as a lapband patient. I will say that about 90% of those in attendance are RNY. As they report their weight losses of 100-180+ pounds, I feel less and less motivated with my slower and lower weight loss. I guess if I was losing 25 pounds a month I would be happy to share it.
This might just be a symptom of having a combined RNY and Lapband support group. This month for the first time, they split the group for TNY and Lapband breakouts for the final 30 minutes. I think that came from my constant *****ing about the meeting format when I go in for my monthly fill appointment.
So, what are everyone's thoughts on this?
Tom
Follow my journey to a happy, healthy, active life at TomBilcze.com
(deactivated member)
on 3/2/09 5:32 am - Houston, TX
on 3/2/09 5:32 am - Houston, TX
Hello my brother...
in a perfect world, we would have customized groups, but it aint...(you know you just reminded me, I have to teach the support group tomorrow night)
whne I do It we tailor it to generic wls issues...and address the problems people are having...
I hate being in a room of newbies, still morning food...being almost 4 years out I wanna slap them upside the head..insted of saying...yes this is a difficult time.....So I told my mentor..who runs our group...why don;t you have a support group for the old timers, and we can discuss out issues...she said..."you run it and I'll come.." (giggle) so I shut up...
but to a question..of how the handle the ///this is how much I have lost...
(us gays are nothing if not creative...)
why not say...I'm Tom...and I'm 27 pounds from goal...there are not many people that can say that....
it's all in the illusion...I mean presentation...
in a perfect world, we would have customized groups, but it aint...(you know you just reminded me, I have to teach the support group tomorrow night)
whne I do It we tailor it to generic wls issues...and address the problems people are having...
I hate being in a room of newbies, still morning food...being almost 4 years out I wanna slap them upside the head..insted of saying...yes this is a difficult time.....So I told my mentor..who runs our group...why don;t you have a support group for the old timers, and we can discuss out issues...she said..."you run it and I'll come.." (giggle) so I shut up...
but to a question..of how the handle the ///this is how much I have lost...
(us gays are nothing if not creative...)
why not say...I'm Tom...and I'm 27 pounds from goal...there are not many people that can say that....
it's all in the illusion...I mean presentation...
Russ, You are correct, as usual. I like the weight from goal answer. As you said in a perfect world.. but there are not that many band patients in my group. And.. I get a lot out of the general discussion. I think it is a matter of support group management. Our dietitian who leads the group isn't the most talented in this. She added a committee of patients now to help organize the meetings. I think it might refocus the topics. -- Tom
Follow my journey to a happy, healthy, active life at TomBilcze.com
Ya, I can relate to this as I'm the only sleeve patient in a room full of RNY's. In fact, awhile back the bandsters started their own group and now meet on a different night and I probably fit in more with them, but its "bandsters only". SHeeesh!
So ya, I feel like I have to explain myself every time.
So ya, I feel like I have to explain myself every time.
Brenda, I see your pain. My hospital only started doing sleeve about a year ago. I think they have done 10. So, not many attend the group. There is usually one person. That is a lonely number. This month two sleeve-to-be patients showed up. That will give the loner some support. That is what this is all about. -- Tom
Follow my journey to a happy, healthy, active life at TomBilcze.com
I go to the pre op and post op groups. The pre op groups consist of 100+ people so they don't have us introduce ourselves - they'll just ask that if anyone is post op to raise their hand.
At the post-op groups I just say my name, date of surgery, and what surgery I had. Maybe you should just say that - skip the weight loss part. Personally, I feel that is no ones business any way...unless you don't mind sharing that info.
I know that at our bariatric center some people have started their own groups. We have a mens only group and a few ladies have branched out for a womens only group. Maybe you could ask about a band only group? It probably wouldn't be held by anyone but rather you all coming up with your own topics and discussing them.
At the post-op groups I just say my name, date of surgery, and what surgery I had. Maybe you should just say that - skip the weight loss part. Personally, I feel that is no ones business any way...unless you don't mind sharing that info.
I know that at our bariatric center some people have started their own groups. We have a mens only group and a few ladies have branched out for a womens only group. Maybe you could ask about a band only group? It probably wouldn't be held by anyone but rather you all coming up with your own topics and discussing them.
Brooke,
I have been thinking of seeing if a small group of band folks in the area might want to meet. I know there is a group of RNY folks who meet once a month at an Applebees. Probably the Ohio forum is a good place to see the interest. The thing about these groups is that they gross hospitals. Within 40 miles of me there are probably 6+ hospitals banding patients.
Tom
I have been thinking of seeing if a small group of band folks in the area might want to meet. I know there is a group of RNY folks who meet once a month at an Applebees. Probably the Ohio forum is a good place to see the interest. The thing about these groups is that they gross hospitals. Within 40 miles of me there are probably 6+ hospitals banding patients.
Tom
Follow my journey to a happy, healthy, active life at TomBilcze.com
Hey Hun:
My support group is both as well, and we seem to gel really well. Being an RNYer, I haven't had the same issue, but I have not heard any of my lap bander counterparts complain.
I'm sorry! Wish I could help more,
Heather
My support group is both as well, and we seem to gel really well. Being an RNYer, I haven't had the same issue, but I have not heard any of my lap bander counterparts complain.
I'm sorry! Wish I could help more,
Heather
I have found a new way of life that has kept me at Goal since 2008.. And keeping it that way!
I don't go to a support group, but I hear ya on the rate of weight loss issue. Hard to feel like a success even if you are personally content and are WISHING you would be strong enough not to compare. I like the '27# from goal' idea!
"be willing to sit in the middle of the fear and fucking feel it." Lady Raven
www.obesityhelp.com/forums/gay_lesbian_bisexual_transgender
VSG 12/9/08 Highest 278, then lost #30 preop Goal 126
Hi Tom,
I go to both pre- and postop groups. Out of about 100 people at the combined group, only five or six are bansters and at our postop maybe only 2. We RNY'ers consistely wonder why the band people don't come to support group. We know there are many of them being done. I wonder if this may be part of the issue. Are we making them feel unwelcome? Are we not inclusive enough? We have asked this question in our groups before.
One thing to remember is that although the bandsters are not losing as fast, you will be losing long after our window of opportunity has mostly closed. It may be the tortoise and the hare but we will both reach our finish lines... just not at the same time.
I also like the idea of stating how far you are from goal rather than how much you have lost. I maybe state, "I am at my healthiest ever and feel great!" and leave the numbers out of it.
I have this issue myself (in a little different way) as because I ONLY had 112 pounds to lose to reach my goal, that my 100 pound loss is not as admirable as those who've lost 150-200 or more pounds. When people announce their losses, those who have lost more than me get much more applause. I think that sucks. It kinda hurts my feelings. We all are working on the same goal... to get healthy at a normal weight and BMI. I think my 104 pound loss is no better than someone who ha**** goal after 97 pound loss or less than someone who has lost 175 pound loss. (note... I hope I don't offend anyone who has more to lose than me).
I really hated it when people in my preop class would ask why I was bothering to have the surgery because I didn't look like I needed it. WHATEVER... I also was pretty well proportioned and carried it well but it was still 100 pounds of ugly fat I needed to lose or die young.
I hate comparisons!!!
I go to both pre- and postop groups. Out of about 100 people at the combined group, only five or six are bansters and at our postop maybe only 2. We RNY'ers consistely wonder why the band people don't come to support group. We know there are many of them being done. I wonder if this may be part of the issue. Are we making them feel unwelcome? Are we not inclusive enough? We have asked this question in our groups before.
One thing to remember is that although the bandsters are not losing as fast, you will be losing long after our window of opportunity has mostly closed. It may be the tortoise and the hare but we will both reach our finish lines... just not at the same time.
I also like the idea of stating how far you are from goal rather than how much you have lost. I maybe state, "I am at my healthiest ever and feel great!" and leave the numbers out of it.
I have this issue myself (in a little different way) as because I ONLY had 112 pounds to lose to reach my goal, that my 100 pound loss is not as admirable as those who've lost 150-200 or more pounds. When people announce their losses, those who have lost more than me get much more applause. I think that sucks. It kinda hurts my feelings. We all are working on the same goal... to get healthy at a normal weight and BMI. I think my 104 pound loss is no better than someone who ha**** goal after 97 pound loss or less than someone who has lost 175 pound loss. (note... I hope I don't offend anyone who has more to lose than me).
I really hated it when people in my preop class would ask why I was bothering to have the surgery because I didn't look like I needed it. WHATEVER... I also was pretty well proportioned and carried it well but it was still 100 pounds of ugly fat I needed to lose or die young.
I hate comparisons!!!
"When patterns are broken, new worlds emerge." -Tuli Kupferberg