VERY CONFUSED

Hey yall,

so my gf visited me here for the past week. We live separately because i got a job far away and she wasnt able to find one in my new city. We have been together about 6 years. 2 of those years she was out of country, working another job.

Anyways, so she was visiting this week...it was her birthday, took her to a hockey game, dinner, movies, etc. she payed for the airline ticket here but i payed for all meals etc while she was here.

it was the first time she had seen me since about 1 week after surgery. she said i lost weight but was not overly impressed. there was little affection at all this whole week.....

today we went to the mall, there was a sweet shop and i went in to see if they had any sf candies. they did but i decided not to buy any. but she decided to get a bag of candy. now, i dont really care much but she NEVER gets candy. i was always the one gettting sweets, etc. it just seemed like a strange thing to do, given her previous history and then she proceeded to eat half of what she got and said "i would ask you if you wanted some but i know you cant have any"

does this seem like a passive aggressive behavior to you? am i being overly sensitive?

michelle

Sounds like a jealous behavior to me. Is she a bigger woman? Even if she's not big she could be feeling out of her comfort zone of your relationship. My g/f would say things like "you are just gonna get skinny and leave me" or "you'll find someone prettier than me".  So for your g/f to be not impressed with your weight loss seems kinda har**** almost sounds like she is saying "see I told you that surgery was stupid, you haven't lost much, and you can't even eat this candy".

If it were me I'd tell her I wasn't impressed with her behavior and words to me. She sounds insecure about the whole thing and the distance probably doesn't help. I would simply talk to her and find out what the real reason behind it all is and work it out.

Good luck!

I love being passive aggresive..it's my favorite form of warfare...next to scorched earth...

I'd say you got a 50/50 chance of it being aggression...if it was an out and out attack..it was kinda weak...

****I'd put the candy in my mouth then kiss you...and then hold back on the kisses cause it might make you dump...and then keep appologizing for it and saying how much I wanna kiss you but i'm afraid it it hurt you..and then say...I remember kissing you...I guess those days are over...//////sigh/////

I think we can all be passive/aggressive at times.....she can be insecure at times as well. Ive always been the bigger one in the relationship and now i am into eating better, exercising and my weight is about to surpass hers....and i think she just doesnt know how to deal. It was just a sour way to leave town, yanno?

michelle

Ya know, she might be insecure. I know the hubby was a jerk about my surgery. He still says he can't tell a difference. He claimes it's because he sees me every day. I have lost 200 pounds from my high HOW THE HELL CAN HE NOT TELL???? He was always acting worried about stuff with me. I finally sat him down and told him that I was NOT going to leave him and I loved him and wasn't going to leave him. I finally convinced him that was the truth and he has gotten better. Good luck with all of this. It does take some time for things to shake down.

Hi Michelle:

I am very much getting the same thing with my partner.. She is a bigger girl and is umm.. whats the word? Overwhelmed? A little Jealous, and a thousand other emotions behind my major weight loss. But if she makes comments that hurt me I just let her know, that was hurtful and if you are feeling bad I understand but talk to me don't take it out on me..

It has to be even harder for your partner since you two don't live together.

I hope it gets better.

Thanks for your thoughts all. the distance is definitely problematic. we will see how things go this weekend.

michelle