A simple rant...
So I belong to a group for "Plus Size Moms". I have always felt comfortable in this group because we were all the same. Kinda like how I always feel comfortable in a GLBT group.
I am no longer plus size but feel like I don't "fit in" with normal sized people. BUT this group of ladies are total buzzkills on my happy parade.
When I was heavy I was NEVER like "I love myself" ..or "big girls are better". I was thinking more of "if I don't lose weight this and that is going to happen".
But lately they have been making comments like "normal sized women are gross" ....."no one likes to hug a skinny woman because all you feel is bones".
Better yet......I'll copy and paste what one woman said. Is this REALLY how it is or is this an attempt to make themselves feel better? Since I now know what fat and not fat is like ..I can say I was never like this that is for sure.
I am no longer plus size but feel like I don't "fit in" with normal sized people. BUT this group of ladies are total buzzkills on my happy parade.
When I was heavy I was NEVER like "I love myself" ..or "big girls are better". I was thinking more of "if I don't lose weight this and that is going to happen".
But lately they have been making comments like "normal sized women are gross" ....."no one likes to hug a skinny woman because all you feel is bones".
Better yet......I'll copy and paste what one woman said. Is this REALLY how it is or is this an attempt to make themselves feel better? Since I now know what fat and not fat is like ..I can say I was never like this that is for sure.
1. Fat really dose feel much more pleasant then skin and bones .
2. Your children always have a soft place to lay there heads
3. Big girls look WAY sexy with a tan ! How can that much dark skin NOT be sexy as hell ?
4. a round , softer face is one of they key things that men ar attracted to bc it signifies femininity , as big girls , we normally have beautiful oval faces !
5. It is a fact that ppl who are overweight and DO excirsis out live those who are underweight .
6. We look good wet , hehe
7. We actually have something to shake on the dance floor .
8. When we get fixed up and go out , there aint a skinny girl out there that can get more attention . Trust me , I have pissed off LOTS of lil woman . LOL
9. We can go to the gym and work out to be healthy and not feel pressured to see the numbers on the scale go down . I work out all the time , Im healthy , but I dont go to lose weight . I go for my heart and strength .
10. Our men love us the way we are !
Hey Brooke... this is very familair to me as I used to hang with the BBW crowd. I can tell you that it's nothing more than a way to justify being fat. I never felt this way but heard it plenty.
This has always pissed me off. And maybe they are okay at age 25 or 30. But let them hit 40 and 50 and they'll be in a bad way. You cannot be 75-100 or more pounds overweight and be healthy.
I've lost friends (obviously not that good of friends) because I made the choice to lose weight and doing it via WLS. I've heard these things and maybe that's what they need to believe and tell each other to make it through their lives overweight. Hopefully for each of them there will come a time of awakening and hopefull it will come before they have diabetes, sleep apnea, joint disintigration and their arteries clogged with plaque from bad eating habits. Because we both know they can't be going to the gym THAT much AND eating healthy. Otherwise, they'd be healthy weight.
One thing they talked to us about in our preop classes is how our relationships will change as we move from being a fat person to a normal-sized person. I can attest to that. Anyone who is not supportive of my journey is basically no longer in my life in any significant way.
I'd suggest finding a mom's group that is not based on size. And get far, far away from these women. They obviously are more threatened by your success and not interested in supporting you.
This has always pissed me off. And maybe they are okay at age 25 or 30. But let them hit 40 and 50 and they'll be in a bad way. You cannot be 75-100 or more pounds overweight and be healthy.
I've lost friends (obviously not that good of friends) because I made the choice to lose weight and doing it via WLS. I've heard these things and maybe that's what they need to believe and tell each other to make it through their lives overweight. Hopefully for each of them there will come a time of awakening and hopefull it will come before they have diabetes, sleep apnea, joint disintigration and their arteries clogged with plaque from bad eating habits. Because we both know they can't be going to the gym THAT much AND eating healthy. Otherwise, they'd be healthy weight.
One thing they talked to us about in our preop classes is how our relationships will change as we move from being a fat person to a normal-sized person. I can attest to that. Anyone who is not supportive of my journey is basically no longer in my life in any significant way.
I'd suggest finding a mom's group that is not based on size. And get far, far away from these women. They obviously are more threatened by your success and not interested in supporting you.
"When patterns are broken, new worlds emerge." -Tuli Kupferberg
It's justifying their fatness and trying to pee on your parade. You are making them uncomfortable.
Yes, individual overweight people can be athletic - Barb was. But obese people are probably not in that category. Like Raven says - if you actually ate healthy and worked out healthy, you wouldn't be fat, you'd be, well, healthy. Maybe 10-20# overweight. There is a lot of attention for unhealthy skinny people too, but that's not what you are aiming to become.
I imagine there's gonna be a time when we all feel like frauds, imposters. Looking like skinny people, but knowing in our hearts that we are really fat frauds faking it until we make it. Just remember not to judge your insides against someone else's outsides. Somebody next to you at a normal sized gathering might turn out to also be a WLS survivor - can't tell by lookin'.
Yes, individual overweight people can be athletic - Barb was. But obese people are probably not in that category. Like Raven says - if you actually ate healthy and worked out healthy, you wouldn't be fat, you'd be, well, healthy. Maybe 10-20# overweight. There is a lot of attention for unhealthy skinny people too, but that's not what you are aiming to become.
I imagine there's gonna be a time when we all feel like frauds, imposters. Looking like skinny people, but knowing in our hearts that we are really fat frauds faking it until we make it. Just remember not to judge your insides against someone else's outsides. Somebody next to you at a normal sized gathering might turn out to also be a WLS survivor - can't tell by lookin'.
"be willing to sit in the middle of the fear and fucking feel it." Lady Raven
www.obesityhelp.com/forums/gay_lesbian_bisexual_transgender
VSG 12/9/08 Highest 278, then lost #30 preop Goal 126
Ok I gotta chime in here. I was once a member of some BBW groups. I was the "healthy " fat girl as Nean mentioned above. I was the one who could out do the skinny girls, and pass all my cardiac tests with flying colors. i could play 3 hours of tackle football and then go out and dance all night. I did eat well, and still didnt lose because of hormonal issues. BUT. I did not eat well enough. I ate much more than I do now. It was easy to justify eating something bad because I couldnt lose weight anyway. Yes I could run a mile, yes i could do a spin class, a hour on the eliptical and leg press 800 pounds. But. With every year, my knees hurt a little more. My back was sore, my body started complaining about the weight. Yes I looked good going out because I carried myself with confidence and felt attractive and sexy. I know this is not the norm, but I will tell you that now after losing almost fifty pounds I look a whole lot better. And the people who were attracted to me before because of my inside are watching the outside catch up! I do struggle with adjusting to the lost identity. I was the hot fat girl. I am not sure how to be the hot normal girl. But I am looking forward to finding out. I guess what I am saying is even when you are yelling from the rooftops about how hot you are fat, the truth is you are eying the skinny dresses wishing you could wear one!
1) I have to agree. I would rather hug someone that has a little meat than anorexic.
2) They are gonna have a soft place anyway cause women have an extra layer of fat that men don't. Unless of course you are one of the above mentioned anorexics.
3) NO ONE looks sexy with a tan. Can you say skin cancer???
4) I just had a fat a$$ed face. I now have a sexy oval face!
5) It's a fact that there is no such thing as excirsis.
6) Where did that come from??? And who cares???
7) Yeah and like they said in "Steele Magnolias", "It looks like two pigs fighting under a blanket." Not attractive.
8) Yeah cause everyone is looking at the fat chick who thinks she is all that and aint.
9) LIES ALL LIES!!! I did water aerobics and was frustrated when I GAINED weight from the muscle.
10) And that's the way it should be no matter what size we are and our sig others are.
Now it might sound like I am hating on fat people since I have lost weight but I am not. I just was realistic when I was fat and I still tend to be. I knew what I looked like and I NEVER was like this. I did have the attitude that if you didn't want to be friends with me cause of how I looked it was your loss. I think it is their way of trying to make you feel like an outcast since you are no longer one of them. It's a shame we just can't accept anyone for who they are.
2) They are gonna have a soft place anyway cause women have an extra layer of fat that men don't. Unless of course you are one of the above mentioned anorexics.
3) NO ONE looks sexy with a tan. Can you say skin cancer???
4) I just had a fat a$$ed face. I now have a sexy oval face!
5) It's a fact that there is no such thing as excirsis.
6) Where did that come from??? And who cares???
7) Yeah and like they said in "Steele Magnolias", "It looks like two pigs fighting under a blanket." Not attractive.
8) Yeah cause everyone is looking at the fat chick who thinks she is all that and aint.
9) LIES ALL LIES!!! I did water aerobics and was frustrated when I GAINED weight from the muscle.
10) And that's the way it should be no matter what size we are and our sig others are.
Now it might sound like I am hating on fat people since I have lost weight but I am not. I just was realistic when I was fat and I still tend to be. I knew what I looked like and I NEVER was like this. I did have the attitude that if you didn't want to be friends with me cause of how I looked it was your loss. I think it is their way of trying to make you feel like an outcast since you are no longer one of them. It's a shame we just can't accept anyone for who they are.
I shall now be know as Hagatha: Queen of the queens. 
Baby 
7-09
Xavier Elliott born 10-5-10
I have to say that I've always been a plus sized woman and a bisexual woman at that. I had WLS and have lost 100 lbs so far and even through my weightloss I'm still physically attracted only to big women, it's just my personal preference. Even as I lose weight myself I find it difficult to think I'm becoming more attractive and at times even feel I'm becoming less attractive, not to others but to myself. This is something I'm working on in therapy because regardless of how you're changing finding yourself less attractive isn't healthy and my doctor says I need to focus on the health issue, not the physical attractiveness but my point is some people just prefer larger women, I always have and that probably won't change just because I lose weight and these women may feel they're more attractive being big. I don't think there's anything necessarily wrong with that as long as they are keeping themselves healthy.
On the main issue though, you shouldn't be hanging around any group of people that make you feel uncomfortable for any reason, if they were good people they would be trying to encourage you, not make you feel bad. I prefer big women but have never disrespected anyone because of the way they look, no matter what and it sounds like that's what they're doing to you but it's not all cut and dry, it's not all groups of big women and groups of "normal" sized people, you've got people like us who know what you're going through and are here to support you all the way! I hope you find a setting where you feel completely at ease with yourself, you deserve it and I'm here to talk to if you ever need it!
Sending as many good vibes as I can muster your way!
~Evelyn~
On the main issue though, you shouldn't be hanging around any group of people that make you feel uncomfortable for any reason, if they were good people they would be trying to encourage you, not make you feel bad. I prefer big women but have never disrespected anyone because of the way they look, no matter what and it sounds like that's what they're doing to you but it's not all cut and dry, it's not all groups of big women and groups of "normal" sized people, you've got people like us who know what you're going through and are here to support you all the way! I hope you find a setting where you feel completely at ease with yourself, you deserve it and I'm here to talk to if you ever need it!
Sending as many good vibes as I can muster your way!
~Evelyn~
Thanks for the replies.
Luckily, this is an online group so I don't know any of them. And I don't think I've posted in their forum in MONTHS - I just read from to time what they have to say. Their comments weren't directed at me. From what I gather the person who said those things has personal issues with herself. She goes on and on all the time about being a plus size model ...and well.....she's not that pretty. She's also a size 18. I was a 28. That is a BIG difference. As it's a big difference for people even bigger than I was. I think at a size 18 it's a "comfortable" size ...and those people don't understand what it is like to be 300+ pounds - which is why she said most of what she said. At a size 28 I didn't have a round face...I had no face.
I hope I'm making some sense!
Luckily, this is an online group so I don't know any of them. And I don't think I've posted in their forum in MONTHS - I just read from to time what they have to say. Their comments weren't directed at me. From what I gather the person who said those things has personal issues with herself. She goes on and on all the time about being a plus size model ...and well.....she's not that pretty. She's also a size 18. I was a 28. That is a BIG difference. As it's a big difference for people even bigger than I was. I think at a size 18 it's a "comfortable" size ...and those people don't understand what it is like to be 300+ pounds - which is why she said most of what she said. At a size 28 I didn't have a round face...I had no face.
I hope I'm making some sense!
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