The real me...
So, I was reading Nean's post this afternoon, and some of the other posts people have posted recently regarding body issues, and this got me thinking... So, I am sharing some of my thoughts... it may be a bit long, cause once I started typing I couldnt stop LOL
I'm pretty happy with my progress so far, but still I have issues about it. Before surgery I was pretty much just round with a huge ass... and now I have a much smaller butt and actually have love handles.
So while I am happy about my weight loss and the ability to buy smaller clothes, it's still freaking me out a bit because I have some flab/excess skin and I have to actually pay attention when I buy clothes now. I've always been negative when it comes to myself. Since surgery, I have really had to fight to be positive. It has gotten easier, but still I have days where I just feel fat and like I havent made any progress at all.... But, even though I have some not so positive thoughts, for the most part I am happy, ecstatic even. This journey for me has been so much more than just losing weight. It's been about discovering who I really am, and learning to love myself, and live for me, not everyone else.
Nean's post really got me thinking about the old me, the person trapped inside that body, versus the person I am becoming, the new me, or as I like to think, the person I was always afraid of being. I spent so many years being at the beck and call of other people, never thinking I was good enough, and that is changing now, in some areas faster than others, but this is what I am starting to realize:
The real me likes to have his picture taken
The real me enjoys shopping and actually likes fashion. I spent so much time buying stuff that just fit, not really caring how it looked, cause why did it matter? Now I try to buy clothing that accents my positives, minimizes the not so great parts (like the love handles)
The real me loves to dance, whether it be in a crowded club or around the house on a Monday morning in my underwear. The real me loves the outdoors, and actually enjoys hiking and spending the day just forgetting the world
The real me sometimes thinks he is hot and sexy, and doesnt instantly point out his flaws to himself
The real me realizes that it's ok to put myself first, and it doesnt make me selfish, just aware that I am a strong person and people shouldnt be allowed to walk all over me.
The real me doesnt need to hide behind a ton of hair. I actually like the way I look with a buzzed head much better than all the spikey mess I had for so many years
The real me isnt afraid to talk to complete strangers, because you never know if that complete stranger was meant to be a close friend or the love of your life
The real me is intelligent, funny, simple, complicated, strong, sensitive, loud at times, quiet at others, adventurous, curious
The real me appreciates where I have come from, but is not willing to live in the shadows of my past decisions
I'm pretty happy with my progress so far, but still I have issues about it. Before surgery I was pretty much just round with a huge ass... and now I have a much smaller butt and actually have love handles.
So while I am happy about my weight loss and the ability to buy smaller clothes, it's still freaking me out a bit because I have some flab/excess skin and I have to actually pay attention when I buy clothes now. I've always been negative when it comes to myself. Since surgery, I have really had to fight to be positive. It has gotten easier, but still I have days where I just feel fat and like I havent made any progress at all.... But, even though I have some not so positive thoughts, for the most part I am happy, ecstatic even. This journey for me has been so much more than just losing weight. It's been about discovering who I really am, and learning to love myself, and live for me, not everyone else.
Nean's post really got me thinking about the old me, the person trapped inside that body, versus the person I am becoming, the new me, or as I like to think, the person I was always afraid of being. I spent so many years being at the beck and call of other people, never thinking I was good enough, and that is changing now, in some areas faster than others, but this is what I am starting to realize:
The real me likes to have his picture taken
The real me enjoys shopping and actually likes fashion. I spent so much time buying stuff that just fit, not really caring how it looked, cause why did it matter? Now I try to buy clothing that accents my positives, minimizes the not so great parts (like the love handles)
The real me loves to dance, whether it be in a crowded club or around the house on a Monday morning in my underwear. The real me loves the outdoors, and actually enjoys hiking and spending the day just forgetting the world
The real me sometimes thinks he is hot and sexy, and doesnt instantly point out his flaws to himself
The real me realizes that it's ok to put myself first, and it doesnt make me selfish, just aware that I am a strong person and people shouldnt be allowed to walk all over me.
The real me doesnt need to hide behind a ton of hair. I actually like the way I look with a buzzed head much better than all the spikey mess I had for so many years
The real me isnt afraid to talk to complete strangers, because you never know if that complete stranger was meant to be a close friend or the love of your life
The real me is intelligent, funny, simple, complicated, strong, sensitive, loud at times, quiet at others, adventurous, curious
The real me appreciates where I have come from, but is not willing to live in the shadows of my past decisions
Tyger, this is a great post. Positivity seems to be something that I'm grappling with more and more lately, as well as figuring out who I really am as opposed to who I've been settling on being.
Reading over your bio, the real you sounds like an awsome person to be around.
I'm gonna come back a little later and sneak in some "real me" stuff about myself. I think this will be a great post...can't wait to find out more about the awsome people on this board.
Reading over your bio, the real you sounds like an awsome person to be around.
I'm gonna come back a little later and sneak in some "real me" stuff about myself. I think this will be a great post...can't wait to find out more about the awsome people on this board.
Okay Darlin' you made me cry! And that's not an easy things to do. What you said really touched me.
Someone told me the other night that it's the human default is to say "no" rather than make the effort to say "yes". I have spent most of my life critisizing myself, which is, in essence, saying no to myself and to others and to life.
So in the interest of the real me I'm saying YES!!!!
I have issues... we all have issues. The issues may never change and may never go away but in the meantime, I will be the real me... the one that was crowded out and covered up and smothered by all the emotional crap that comes with being fat... a fat kid, a fat teenager, a fat adult. I have worked hard to struggle out from under all the fat and here I AM!
The real me is optimistic for every day to hold something that will guarantee a smile.
The real me loves to move (without pain), loves to dance (we should go dancing sometime), loves to be noticed and admired.
The real me loves sex in the wild abandon of it without self consciousness and fear.
The real me loves to feel strong and balanced.
The real me loves to work hard and feel tired at the end of the day.
The real me loves to be of service to others, to help and be useful.
The real me loves to play dress up and be outlandish and wear outfits are are not becoming my age or station.
The real me is damn ******g proud of what I've accomplished in my life, of surviving devestating pain and loss and continuing to be able to want to live and smile and go on.
The real me gets sad and scared and depressed and deals with it the best I can, sometimes hiding until it passes but knows in my heart of hearts that it will pass and every moment holds hope.
The real me is funny and smart and domineering and bossy and creative and loving and articulate.
The real me is a writer and a teacher and a life coach.
The real me is thrilled with my evolving new body and with the changes it's bring to my life.
The real me is happy that you posted this and that you used the most powerful word imaginable, love!
Someone told me the other night that it's the human default is to say "no" rather than make the effort to say "yes". I have spent most of my life critisizing myself, which is, in essence, saying no to myself and to others and to life.
So in the interest of the real me I'm saying YES!!!!
I have issues... we all have issues. The issues may never change and may never go away but in the meantime, I will be the real me... the one that was crowded out and covered up and smothered by all the emotional crap that comes with being fat... a fat kid, a fat teenager, a fat adult. I have worked hard to struggle out from under all the fat and here I AM!
The real me is optimistic for every day to hold something that will guarantee a smile.
The real me loves to move (without pain), loves to dance (we should go dancing sometime), loves to be noticed and admired.
The real me loves sex in the wild abandon of it without self consciousness and fear.
The real me loves to feel strong and balanced.
The real me loves to work hard and feel tired at the end of the day.
The real me loves to be of service to others, to help and be useful.
The real me loves to play dress up and be outlandish and wear outfits are are not becoming my age or station.
The real me is damn ******g proud of what I've accomplished in my life, of surviving devestating pain and loss and continuing to be able to want to live and smile and go on.
The real me gets sad and scared and depressed and deals with it the best I can, sometimes hiding until it passes but knows in my heart of hearts that it will pass and every moment holds hope.
The real me is funny and smart and domineering and bossy and creative and loving and articulate.
The real me is a writer and a teacher and a life coach.
The real me is thrilled with my evolving new body and with the changes it's bring to my life.
The real me is happy that you posted this and that you used the most powerful word imaginable, love!
"When patterns are broken, new worlds emerge." -Tuli Kupferberg
WOW... ok sweetie your response really hit me. I've been sitting here for 15 minutes with tears in my eyes just thinking about what you wrote, because it touched me... I loved what you said about criticizing yourself essentially being saying "no" to life and to yourself and others...
I spent so many years, as I am sure many of us did, being afraid of life, or living... and now it's different. I feel fearless. When I say that, i don't mean that I have no fear. Quite the opposite actually. I still have fears, but my definition of fearless is that you are afraid, yet you do something anyways. I still get intimidated when I go to a club by myself. I get afraid of rejection or making a fool out of myself. the trick is that I do it anyway, and soon the fear dissipates and I am enjoying myself.
"The real me is damn ******g proud of what I've accomplished in my life, of surviving devestating pain and loss and continuing to be able to want to live and smile and go on.
The real me gets sad and scared and depressed and deals with it the best I can, sometimes hiding until it passes but knows in my heart of hearts that it will pass and every moment holds hope. "
These two statement**** me, and I mean hard... because it's like you are describing me to a "t" I can identify with this so well, and am proud of both of us for surviving loss and wanting to go on. And sadness and depression happens, sometimes more frequent than I would like, but really it does pass.
Thanks for responding with your "real me"... it has inspired me even further to continue to be fearless and let the real me shine through. I added my post here to my blog as an entry, and found a few more things to add lol, so I am posting those here:
The real me has issues, like we all do. He gets sad and lonely and tries to make the most of it, because it eventually passes
The real me is artistic and creative and realizes that spending the afternoon drawing is not a waste of time
The real me thinks a lot, and that isnt a bad thing
The real me loves to talk a lot and have great conversations with friends or complete strangers
the real me sometimes spends a day playing video games and doesnt feel guilty for doing it
The real me is incredibly talented and has proved himself to get where he is in his career, and for that is extremely proud
The real me loves to be organized yet isn't afraid of being spontaneous
the real me is loyal and values his friendships
The real me isn't invincible, and knows he is not Superman, and cannot be everything to everybody else. the important thing is to love myself and be the best that I can be... for me
I spent so many years, as I am sure many of us did, being afraid of life, or living... and now it's different. I feel fearless. When I say that, i don't mean that I have no fear. Quite the opposite actually. I still have fears, but my definition of fearless is that you are afraid, yet you do something anyways. I still get intimidated when I go to a club by myself. I get afraid of rejection or making a fool out of myself. the trick is that I do it anyway, and soon the fear dissipates and I am enjoying myself.
"The real me is damn ******g proud of what I've accomplished in my life, of surviving devestating pain and loss and continuing to be able to want to live and smile and go on.
The real me gets sad and scared and depressed and deals with it the best I can, sometimes hiding until it passes but knows in my heart of hearts that it will pass and every moment holds hope. "
These two statement**** me, and I mean hard... because it's like you are describing me to a "t" I can identify with this so well, and am proud of both of us for surviving loss and wanting to go on. And sadness and depression happens, sometimes more frequent than I would like, but really it does pass.
Thanks for responding with your "real me"... it has inspired me even further to continue to be fearless and let the real me shine through. I added my post here to my blog as an entry, and found a few more things to add lol, so I am posting those here:
The real me has issues, like we all do. He gets sad and lonely and tries to make the most of it, because it eventually passes
The real me is artistic and creative and realizes that spending the afternoon drawing is not a waste of time
The real me thinks a lot, and that isnt a bad thing
The real me loves to talk a lot and have great conversations with friends or complete strangers
the real me sometimes spends a day playing video games and doesnt feel guilty for doing it
The real me is incredibly talented and has proved himself to get where he is in his career, and for that is extremely proud
The real me loves to be organized yet isn't afraid of being spontaneous
the real me is loyal and values his friendships
The real me isn't invincible, and knows he is not Superman, and cannot be everything to everybody else. the important thing is to love myself and be the best that I can be... for me
Oh, Honey, just reading your more "real-me" makes me want to do more. It's so contageous. And we are soooo much alike.
The real me loves to be organized too and yet can toss it all off on occasion for some fun.
And the real me is creative too and can sit for hours (like I did yesterday) and do stitchery and not feel guilty.
And the real me loves to talk alot too and I used to feel ashamed for that, because mostly it was compensation for shyness but now it's real and I just like to because it feels good and I learn from people and people can learn from me and in my world that's what it's all about.
And of course, the real me is vulnerable and authentic and that is new for me. It's what happens when we discover that hiding does not serve us. And lying to ourselves and others does not serve us and that we live in a safe and beautiful world and when, occasionally it's not safe, we know how to take care of ourselves. And that life really does want to give us our heart's desires... all of them, although maybe not all at once.
The real me loves to be organized too and yet can toss it all off on occasion for some fun.
And the real me is creative too and can sit for hours (like I did yesterday) and do stitchery and not feel guilty.
And the real me loves to talk alot too and I used to feel ashamed for that, because mostly it was compensation for shyness but now it's real and I just like to because it feels good and I learn from people and people can learn from me and in my world that's what it's all about.
And of course, the real me is vulnerable and authentic and that is new for me. It's what happens when we discover that hiding does not serve us. And lying to ourselves and others does not serve us and that we live in a safe and beautiful world and when, occasionally it's not safe, we know how to take care of ourselves. And that life really does want to give us our heart's desires... all of them, although maybe not all at once.
"When patterns are broken, new worlds emerge." -Tuli Kupferberg
Aw, shucks. You all are so cool! I'm so happy to know ya'll
And now we are off to the gym.
And now we are off to the gym.
"be willing to sit in the middle of the fear and fucking feel it." Lady Raven
www.obesityhelp.com/forums/gay_lesbian_bisexual_transgender
VSG 12/9/08 Highest 278, then lost #30 preop Goal 126
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