hmmmmm
You know I was reading thespen's update and it triggered something in me. I've realized that I'm not happy about my success so far with my wls. I mean I've lost a lot of weight and I don't know what it is but I'm not excited about it. I hit a really bad depression after my wls and I don't think i've totally recovered from it. I'm on anti-depressants (happy pills) but I don't know.........
do any of you have this similar issue? I'm wondering if it's time to change the happy pills
do any of you have this similar issue? I'm wondering if it's time to change the happy pills
I kinda understand this. I get really excited when I go down a size, but i think that most of that is because it is the thrill of being able to go shopping and buy new clothes... because I don't feel like I have lost as much weight as I have. Most days, I still feel like that guy that is over 400 lbs. I know that I'm not, but stil it feels that way sometimes.
Lately, I have been trying to talk myself out of it, remind myself of the positives, kind of like a "fake it til you make it" kinda thing. Some days it works, but most days I just don't feel it. Maybe my doc needs to change my happy pills too.
Lately, I have been trying to talk myself out of it, remind myself of the positives, kind of like a "fake it til you make it" kinda thing. Some days it works, but most days I just don't feel it. Maybe my doc needs to change my happy pills too.
Aaron, I think I love you LOL!
I've been wicked depressed and can't figure out exactly what it is, but I feel disgusted with myself most days.
I do know a few things. My Grandpa passed away this past New Years Eve. So I've been really bummed. I'm also out of the plus size section (size 10) so I can shop in "regular" sections but feel SO lost. When I was big I only wore mens clothing. I don't know what is in style, what is appropriate for my age, and then of course ..........SKIN! Everyone always says "when I lose weight I'm gonna buy this and that" but standing in the middle of a clothing store is so overwhelming.
I really do feel lost. Which makes me get angry with myself. I start feeling gross. I think a lot of it has to do with the fact I haven't been this small since middle school - which I hardly remember!
I know I definitely have body image issues. And I'm trying REAL hard to love the new me. And I can never say exactly what it is that is bothering me.
Please.....pass the happy pills!
I've been wicked depressed and can't figure out exactly what it is, but I feel disgusted with myself most days.
I do know a few things. My Grandpa passed away this past New Years Eve. So I've been really bummed. I'm also out of the plus size section (size 10) so I can shop in "regular" sections but feel SO lost. When I was big I only wore mens clothing. I don't know what is in style, what is appropriate for my age, and then of course ..........SKIN! Everyone always says "when I lose weight I'm gonna buy this and that" but standing in the middle of a clothing store is so overwhelming.
I really do feel lost. Which makes me get angry with myself. I start feeling gross. I think a lot of it has to do with the fact I haven't been this small since middle school - which I hardly remember!
I know I definitely have body image issues. And I'm trying REAL hard to love the new me. And I can never say exactly what it is that is bothering me.
Please.....pass the happy pills!
hehehehehee.......in august after my surgery......I tried killing myself but thank god I reached out to my local OH board because they have ties to the maryland state police LOL I haven't been the same since. I am disgusted with myself because of all the loose skin and I'ms tuck on this plateau for ages and I don't know how to react to people *****act to seeing me for the first time since surgery and make a big deal out of it. i guess I'm totally lost on it.
I am almost 4 months out and only 60 lbs off. I only had a few days of depression. I do not feel like this is fast enough....I have no clue though
I think you are a hot daddy and hope all works out with you!! xoxoxxoox
I think you are a hot daddy and hope all works out with you!! xoxoxxoox
~watch me grow... while I shrink~
http://www.obesityhelp.com/forums/gay_lesbian_bisexual_transgender/
Facebook Sommer Taylor
A few thoughts about this, if I may?
First, we all have spent a huge percentage of our lives hating ourselves because of our body size, shape and disabilities. Changing internal habits takes a lot longer than changing the outside size, shape and abilities of our bodies. Most of us have spent our developing years feeling ostrasized because of being fat, left out, shunned, made fun of. We have the message that if we were not fat, we would be included, received, loved, accepted. And somewhere deep inside we expect (demand) that all that pain and hurt be healed as a result. No can do kids. It just doesn't work that way. We have to parent ourselves back, love ourselves back out of the darkness of all that pain. No one can do that for us. Sucks but true.
Secondly, it takes a long time, sometimes years for the internal image of who we are based on what we think we look like to change. We need to be really patient with ourselves in this. We really need to allow ourselves time to internalize all this rapid change. Our psyche changes much more slowly.
Third, and I think most importantly, we've been hyped to believe (mostly in the media) that if we are just thin enough, healthy enough, (insert your word here) enough, we will finally FINALLY be happy. That is bull****! And we may know this cognitively but in our hearts, I think we still hold onto it and then get very disappointed on a very deep level, when we hit goals or get thin(er) or feel better and we are not in that nirvanna happy place all the freaking time! We have never learned that just as we are... we are ENOUGH! Good enough, lovable enough, beautiful enough, sexy enough. If we don't buy that at 400. 300, 200 pounds how are we going to believe it at goal weight? And if we don't believe it at goal weight how are we going to believe it after plastic surgery? When will enough plastics be enough to make us love ourself? Because we can be perfect Frankenbarbies and Frankenkens with all our plastic surgery and we will still hate our bodies because of the scars.
This is why we must, if we are going to survive this process, do the internal heart/head work now. Supporting one another not just in the weight loss and exercise but as well with the self love and finding the joy in other things beyond our physical bodies and what we are doing with them.
This is something that I write about alot on my LJ. Happiness is a myth, a lie. It is based on external cir****tances that change constantly. Joy (or internal happiness if you will) is not based on anything external. It is not dependent upon how good things are or how bad things are. It can be consistent. And this is a whole other rant/post. But in this context, I think our expectations for happiness around our weight loss are unrealistic.
I believe this is a huge thing we are doing... changing the bodies we live in. But it is only one part of our lives. It is a very focused part to be sure but what are we going to do after we've gotten to our goal and maintained it for a year, 2 years, 10, 20, 30 years? There is more to life than WLS and we have to find out what gets us off besides this. What makes us excited to be alive? What jacks us up and makes us want to get out of bed?
I would suggest that part of the answer may lie in reaching outside of ourselves to others. We are so focused (as we should be) on ourselves and our weight loss and health. It can get depressing. Perhaps we can begin to find ways to turn our vision outward. What can we do to be of service in the world? Not even the big world but just our little world around us. Where can I find a place to belong that is bigger than myself? How can I be an answer to a larger question?
Okay... I didn't mean to get carried away here. This is just a topic near and dear to me. I have struggled with this myself as well as with the death of my son and my mother this past year. These are some of the things I've discovered for myself in the midst of these struggles. I only hope it is received in a spirit of caring and love.
Namaste my friends.
and lots of xoxoxoxoxox
P.S. I am so not religious.... I just really love the meaning of Namaste and it comes from my heart. :)
PSS: I also posted on Thespen's comment that we have used food for most of our lives to numb our emotions. We are also waking up to feeling and that can be painful. Perhaps the answer lies in learning to feel with authenticy. We don't have food anymore to numb ourselves. And we have to be very careful about using other things to substitute. Okay, I'm really done now. Promise.
First, we all have spent a huge percentage of our lives hating ourselves because of our body size, shape and disabilities. Changing internal habits takes a lot longer than changing the outside size, shape and abilities of our bodies. Most of us have spent our developing years feeling ostrasized because of being fat, left out, shunned, made fun of. We have the message that if we were not fat, we would be included, received, loved, accepted. And somewhere deep inside we expect (demand) that all that pain and hurt be healed as a result. No can do kids. It just doesn't work that way. We have to parent ourselves back, love ourselves back out of the darkness of all that pain. No one can do that for us. Sucks but true.
Secondly, it takes a long time, sometimes years for the internal image of who we are based on what we think we look like to change. We need to be really patient with ourselves in this. We really need to allow ourselves time to internalize all this rapid change. Our psyche changes much more slowly.
Third, and I think most importantly, we've been hyped to believe (mostly in the media) that if we are just thin enough, healthy enough, (insert your word here) enough, we will finally FINALLY be happy. That is bull****! And we may know this cognitively but in our hearts, I think we still hold onto it and then get very disappointed on a very deep level, when we hit goals or get thin(er) or feel better and we are not in that nirvanna happy place all the freaking time! We have never learned that just as we are... we are ENOUGH! Good enough, lovable enough, beautiful enough, sexy enough. If we don't buy that at 400. 300, 200 pounds how are we going to believe it at goal weight? And if we don't believe it at goal weight how are we going to believe it after plastic surgery? When will enough plastics be enough to make us love ourself? Because we can be perfect Frankenbarbies and Frankenkens with all our plastic surgery and we will still hate our bodies because of the scars.
This is why we must, if we are going to survive this process, do the internal heart/head work now. Supporting one another not just in the weight loss and exercise but as well with the self love and finding the joy in other things beyond our physical bodies and what we are doing with them.
This is something that I write about alot on my LJ. Happiness is a myth, a lie. It is based on external cir****tances that change constantly. Joy (or internal happiness if you will) is not based on anything external. It is not dependent upon how good things are or how bad things are. It can be consistent. And this is a whole other rant/post. But in this context, I think our expectations for happiness around our weight loss are unrealistic.
I believe this is a huge thing we are doing... changing the bodies we live in. But it is only one part of our lives. It is a very focused part to be sure but what are we going to do after we've gotten to our goal and maintained it for a year, 2 years, 10, 20, 30 years? There is more to life than WLS and we have to find out what gets us off besides this. What makes us excited to be alive? What jacks us up and makes us want to get out of bed?
I would suggest that part of the answer may lie in reaching outside of ourselves to others. We are so focused (as we should be) on ourselves and our weight loss and health. It can get depressing. Perhaps we can begin to find ways to turn our vision outward. What can we do to be of service in the world? Not even the big world but just our little world around us. Where can I find a place to belong that is bigger than myself? How can I be an answer to a larger question?
Okay... I didn't mean to get carried away here. This is just a topic near and dear to me. I have struggled with this myself as well as with the death of my son and my mother this past year. These are some of the things I've discovered for myself in the midst of these struggles. I only hope it is received in a spirit of caring and love.
Namaste my friends.
and lots of xoxoxoxoxox
P.S. I am so not religious.... I just really love the meaning of Namaste and it comes from my heart. :)
PSS: I also posted on Thespen's comment that we have used food for most of our lives to numb our emotions. We are also waking up to feeling and that can be painful. Perhaps the answer lies in learning to feel with authenticy. We don't have food anymore to numb ourselves. And we have to be very careful about using other things to substitute. Okay, I'm really done now. Promise.
"When patterns are broken, new worlds emerge." -Tuli Kupferberg
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