I did it!

I got up this morning at 5:30 and Z and I went down to the gym...

(flashback music)

40.5 hours earlier... I'm laying on the ground pinned under my motorcycle thinking WTF! How did this happen? Five people at the gas station run over to help me up. The help me lift my bike. Z finds a level spot and parks and comes running over. Someone puts the kickstand down and I'm brushing myself off, take hold of the bike and it falls on me AGAIN! Apparently, the well-meaning person who put the kickstand down didn't get it all the way down and I was a little too shaken to check.

In those few minutes laying under the bike (both times), I realize how small I feel and how weak I feel. Given the same situation of turning sharp on the hill at too slow a speed, I think I still may have gone down but in that moment I realize that I need to be stronger. In that moment I commit to building my body's muscle, core strength as well as legs and arms.

I am not seriously hurt and there are a couple of things that I will need to fix on my bike like the mirror needs tightened down and the metal of my footpeg bent back into place. The hardest thing is getting back on the bike and riding on to the heart of downtown SF (those damn hills) and going on to the show we were headed to. All I want to do is ride back home and crawl under the covers and cry. But I don't give in to that, and as I ride another 20 minutes or so I realize as well that I had no choice. Leave the bike and take a cab? Not likely. Miss an incredible show that we've been waiting to see and got comped tickets for? Also not likely. As I'm riding, I also understand that I have no choice but to get back on the exercise bike (or treadmill or free weights) and move forward to the destination intended.

We arrive at the theater and I go to the ladies room. The bruises are already coming up purple down the inside of my right thigh all the way down to mid shin and my left knee is scraped and turning pretty colors as well. My shoulder and arm pain doesn't show up until Sunday morning. No pretty colors there but it feels like the muscles have been ripped to hell. Oh, wait... they have.

Back to present... 5:30 this morning... the alarm goes off and my body feels like it's been run over by a train. I suggest groggily that perhaps waiting another day to go down to the gym is not a bad idea. Z reminds me otherwise and within minutes I'm up and dressing. I freaking hate mornings especially mornings after I've gotten virtually no sleep because the liquid vicodin left over from my surgery that I thought would help me sleep, totally messes up my sleep and I'm dreaming weird **** and waking up every hour and can't get comfortable because my body hurts. But I realize that another hour more tossing and turning isn't going to help and if I'm going to hurt I might as well hurt working out and accomplishing something.

Now, something I've not mentioned before, Z's degree is in fitness/wellness and although not certified and works as an software engineer, she is a great personal trainer. Oh, and free to me and willing (another no excuse I have). She is gentle but firm with me this morning. She ran me through about a 30 minute workout. Four minutes on the eliptical to warm up and then free weights and core balance stuff. I sucked at most of it but it's just the first day and there is nowhere to go from here but better.

For this time every morning, we've agreed to play trainer who is being "paid to push me" and client who can "whine but it won't make any difference". Tomorrow my trainer says we will stay upstairs and do Yoga. So M-W-F weights, T-Th stretching, yoga, and balance work (core crap again), weekend will be one day of outdoor activity like walking or hiking and one day of rest. I have to exercise in the morning because by the time I get home from work at 7 at night, I'm wiped.

So I am a lucky woman... I survived my bike falling on me TWICE within 10 minutes, learned something from it and got motivated (along with everyone's encouragement here THANK YOU) to get my ass out of the bed every morning and starting the process of building the other part of my health.

And the cherry on top was that when I looked at myself in the mirror at the gym, I didn't mind so much what I saw.

And Z's parting words to me as she left the apartment this morning... "I love you baby... sit up straight". She reminds me that good posture is a core strength building all day long.

I'm so glad you are alright!  I, too feel very weak especially in my uppder body.  You have inspired me to try to go to the gym in the mornings rather than in the evenings.  I think if I force myself to do this int he mornings, then my days will go better.  Thank you for the wonderful story.

Thanks... And you inspired me to look at this issue more closely and go back to where I know I need to be. Let's keep inspiring each other. Maybe on our confession posts, we can also post what we did work-out-wise? Help keep us honest about output as well as intake.

yup!  we can definitely do that!  it'll be the ultimate confessional LOL

Hooray for you getting to the gym that early!!!

I am sorry about your accident with your bike!!  I have watched the parade off and on for years and have absolutely no bike knowledge but the size of some of those bikes are huge!!  Perhaps you are just now too tiny for your bike and possibly need another size.  Just a thought....

Thank you Ann. Actually, my bike is already small (450 cc) and only weighs about 300 pounds. I've actually been wanting a larger bike (750 cc) but I think I will wait until I'm stronger. Actually Z is 5'2" and weighs 140 pounds and rides a Harley Fat Boy which is a huge bike. It has little to do with strength and more with balance until it lays down on you, then size does matter. Still, building my strenth will give me more confidence and working toward a bigger bike will give me incentive to continue working out and getting stronger and more flexible. It's all a big mind "frick" but then most of what we are working on is mind shifts of perception as we change our bodies. My surgeon says he can do the plumbing but we have to do the electrical. So true!

CONGRATULATIONS!!!!  I am so proud of you.  Conversely obscenely jealous of your motorcycle...Thats my goal reward.  A new bike!  I cant wait!

Thank you... yes, my goal reward is a bigger bike! But I have two things that have to be done first. I have some bills to pay off and then I have to save at least half of the price of the bike. Meanwhile get to my goal. I hope to be done with the weight loss first and maintain it for a bit but I could win the lottery too!

A girl can dream....

Oh my god, you poor thing. I'm so sorry you had your bike fall on your twice!!! How horrible. I too have noticed the lack of muscle. I'm only four months out the bike I got is 545 pounds..but your right, it's a balance thing, not a weight thing. Good for you for getting into the weight training. It will do nothing but help.

I'm okay. Actually that's the third and fourth times I've laid it down. All doing the same thing, going too slow on a turn on a hill. You'd think I'd figure it out!!!  Saturday I let myself get distracted and just lost it. But isn't that now we lose it... we lose focus and slip up. But we get right back on, make repairs, suck it up, get brave again and ride on.

I was amazed at how much strength and balance I've lost since surgery. I was a lot stronger when I was fat. This morning, just trying to do a few squats with weights left me completely weak. I have a long way to get back to even where I was. Yes, I'm kinda shocked... and thus inspired.