I'm baaaaaaaaaaack!
Hi Gang:
I'm back from my four days of playing with Z and about 500 other leatherfolks from all over the country. We had a magnificent time. I tried to get pictures but they forbid camera and were really even very strict on cell phone cameras. But I have about a million pictures in my head. Oh, the outfits were incredible. Fortunately we had the hotel to ourselves because otherwise we would have scared the vanilla folk.
My highlights were (may not be of interest to others or within the realm of "why the hell would you do that? to some):
~I fit into some really wonderful outfits. One day I wore my size 8 shiney zipper at the ankle pants and a leather halter. Yeah, never thought I would walk out of the hotel room but I felt really good.
~We went to some incredible workshops taught by some of the most wonderful people from around the country. Z and I attended some together and some separately, according to our "interests".
~I was able to walk ALL day in 3 inch heeled leather boots. Hawt!!!!
~We played one night but it was really crowded and we ended up going back up to the room. But I have to say I looked hot in what I was wearing including the blindfold. *blush*
~I ate off Z's plate the whole time we were there. The wait staff was told I had had bariatric surgery and we were only charged for Z's plate even at the buffets.
~I did end up eating a few snacks during the time there. We were expending hella energy the entire time, lots of walking, outfit changes *g*, and other energy expenditures.
~I had a hard time getting in all my vitamins and missed most of my calcium. I carried them with me all the time but forgot to take them. I'm back on good now that I'm home. I did pretty well with my fluids. I did drink too much decaf coffee (SF, FF lattes). Damn there was a Starbucks in the hotel.
~I had one near-dumping experience. I used the powdered creamer in my morning decaf in the room. Now, I had used one packet for two days in a row but on the third day it sent me into a huge fit of nausea and dry heaves. That has never happended to me before and I never want it to happen again. It lasted about 15 minutes and then I felt okay.
It was so wonderful to get away for a few days. It was just the thing we needed to kickstart some things in our relationship again and deepen our leather relationship as well.
I think the main thing that struck me as the biggest difference from last year was my energy level. I went and went and went and then crashed hard but didn't have that draggy feeling all day like when I was so much heavier. I also felt comfortable in my skin, showing more of it, wearing sexy clothes, feeling like I belonged. I moved through crowds better, down the isle of the airplane not having to walk sideways. I guess I could say I felt normal.
Last night was the culmination of the very intense and spiritual weekend with what was called "The Dance of Souls". It involved a hook pull. It's a deeply intense and ecstatic ritual. Z and I and about 100 other people were pierced with two 8-gauge stainless steel hooks through the skin in our upper chest and then the hooks are attached to cord and we pull (either hooked to something or each other or groups). It's similar to the Native American Sun Worship Dance but we don't pull until the skin pulls through. That's not the intent. It's an ecstatic ritual. I had done it last year but this year Z and I danced it together. It's done to intense drumming (huge drums) for about 3 hours. Last year, I had to keep stopping because I would get so tired. This year I stopped only to take sips of water and at one point to eat a cheese stick. I was able to do the entire thing almost without stopping. It's hard to explain how transformative it was for me... for us. I know this kind of activity may be hard for people to not cringe over but it's really incredible. It was terrifying, facing the pain but it's also an apt metaphor for so much of what life is like. We committed to do it and stepped to the other side of our fear, accepted and surrendered to the pain and on the other side is such beauty. This is not unlike what each of us is doing every day with our body and life transformation with our surgery and our willingness to suffer, to give up what we have always craved, and then live more fully as a result.
In the ceremony we can take time to dance for others, to send energy to those we care for. Believe me the energy was through the roof. There was one time when I danced alone and dance for everyone here in this group... sending strength and caring and energy to each of you, that your journey be filled with joy as you step through the pain that comes with it and that each of you be able to wear your success with pride, the marks left on your body, the scars from surgery, the marks as badges of honor, as I do mine today (along with the piercing marks), with the wisdom that comes with knowing you've earned those marks.
I'm glad to be home and glad to be back with all of you.
I'm back from my four days of playing with Z and about 500 other leatherfolks from all over the country. We had a magnificent time. I tried to get pictures but they forbid camera and were really even very strict on cell phone cameras. But I have about a million pictures in my head. Oh, the outfits were incredible. Fortunately we had the hotel to ourselves because otherwise we would have scared the vanilla folk.
My highlights were (may not be of interest to others or within the realm of "why the hell would you do that? to some):
~I fit into some really wonderful outfits. One day I wore my size 8 shiney zipper at the ankle pants and a leather halter. Yeah, never thought I would walk out of the hotel room but I felt really good.
~We went to some incredible workshops taught by some of the most wonderful people from around the country. Z and I attended some together and some separately, according to our "interests".
~I was able to walk ALL day in 3 inch heeled leather boots. Hawt!!!!
~We played one night but it was really crowded and we ended up going back up to the room. But I have to say I looked hot in what I was wearing including the blindfold. *blush*
~I ate off Z's plate the whole time we were there. The wait staff was told I had had bariatric surgery and we were only charged for Z's plate even at the buffets.
~I did end up eating a few snacks during the time there. We were expending hella energy the entire time, lots of walking, outfit changes *g*, and other energy expenditures.
~I had a hard time getting in all my vitamins and missed most of my calcium. I carried them with me all the time but forgot to take them. I'm back on good now that I'm home. I did pretty well with my fluids. I did drink too much decaf coffee (SF, FF lattes). Damn there was a Starbucks in the hotel.
~I had one near-dumping experience. I used the powdered creamer in my morning decaf in the room. Now, I had used one packet for two days in a row but on the third day it sent me into a huge fit of nausea and dry heaves. That has never happended to me before and I never want it to happen again. It lasted about 15 minutes and then I felt okay.
It was so wonderful to get away for a few days. It was just the thing we needed to kickstart some things in our relationship again and deepen our leather relationship as well.
I think the main thing that struck me as the biggest difference from last year was my energy level. I went and went and went and then crashed hard but didn't have that draggy feeling all day like when I was so much heavier. I also felt comfortable in my skin, showing more of it, wearing sexy clothes, feeling like I belonged. I moved through crowds better, down the isle of the airplane not having to walk sideways. I guess I could say I felt normal.
Last night was the culmination of the very intense and spiritual weekend with what was called "The Dance of Souls". It involved a hook pull. It's a deeply intense and ecstatic ritual. Z and I and about 100 other people were pierced with two 8-gauge stainless steel hooks through the skin in our upper chest and then the hooks are attached to cord and we pull (either hooked to something or each other or groups). It's similar to the Native American Sun Worship Dance but we don't pull until the skin pulls through. That's not the intent. It's an ecstatic ritual. I had done it last year but this year Z and I danced it together. It's done to intense drumming (huge drums) for about 3 hours. Last year, I had to keep stopping because I would get so tired. This year I stopped only to take sips of water and at one point to eat a cheese stick. I was able to do the entire thing almost without stopping. It's hard to explain how transformative it was for me... for us. I know this kind of activity may be hard for people to not cringe over but it's really incredible. It was terrifying, facing the pain but it's also an apt metaphor for so much of what life is like. We committed to do it and stepped to the other side of our fear, accepted and surrendered to the pain and on the other side is such beauty. This is not unlike what each of us is doing every day with our body and life transformation with our surgery and our willingness to suffer, to give up what we have always craved, and then live more fully as a result.
In the ceremony we can take time to dance for others, to send energy to those we care for. Believe me the energy was through the roof. There was one time when I danced alone and dance for everyone here in this group... sending strength and caring and energy to each of you, that your journey be filled with joy as you step through the pain that comes with it and that each of you be able to wear your success with pride, the marks left on your body, the scars from surgery, the marks as badges of honor, as I do mine today (along with the piercing marks), with the wisdom that comes with knowing you've earned those marks.
I'm glad to be home and glad to be back with all of you.
"When patterns are broken, new worlds emerge." -Tuli Kupferberg
Aw shucks! Thank you for dancing for me. Love the metaphor, and the acknowledgement that this journey involves facing our pain.
Glad you had such a great time. Nothing to say you can't post a pic or two if you have new outfits.
"be willing to sit in the middle of the fear and fucking feel it." Lady Raven
www.obesityhelp.com/forums/gay_lesbian_bisexual_transgender
VSG 12/9/08 Highest 278, then lost #30 preop Goal 126
Welcome back Raven! You were definitely missed around here, but it is so great to hear that you had an amazing trip. You can tell just from your writing about it how great it was for you, and that is awesome!!! So cool that you had so much energy, it's amazing isnt it?
Glad that your near-dumping experience didnt last too long. I have a problem with creamer, even sugar free or powdered stuff, it just does not like me for some reason post op. However, milk and cheese I have no problem with... strange
the Dance of Souls sounds amazing. I am not really into that sort of thing, but still it was fascinating to read about, and I can see how it could totally be freeing and transformative.
Glad to have you back and looking forward to seeing you post again
Dustin
Glad that your near-dumping experience didnt last too long. I have a problem with creamer, even sugar free or powdered stuff, it just does not like me for some reason post op. However, milk and cheese I have no problem with... strange
the Dance of Souls sounds amazing. I am not really into that sort of thing, but still it was fascinating to read about, and I can see how it could totally be freeing and transformative.
Glad to have you back and looking forward to seeing you post again
Dustin
Awwww... thank you Dustin. You sure know how to make a girl feel missed. 
I've never tested the dumping process. I have friends who have purposefully eaten a significant amount of sugar to see if they dump because not everyone does. I decided from the get go that I would not do that. The dumping is a tool that can be useful to keep me on the right track. If I found out that I don't dump then the tool is not available. If I don't know one way or another then the tool is there since I will assume I would dump on sugar. I did eat more fresh fruit this weekend than I ever have and it seemed to be fine, even pineapple. I don't understand the process but I do know that I'll be staying far away from powdered regular creamers. At home I do fat free 1/2 & 1/2 and if I want a little sweet I add splenda or SF flavored syrups. I also do that when I'm craving dessert, I'll make a really strong, sweet and creamy cup of decaf and sometimes put a little SF whipped cream on top. The thing about treats is they have to be occasional to be special.
Thanks again for the welcome back!
I've never tested the dumping process. I have friends who have purposefully eaten a significant amount of sugar to see if they dump because not everyone does. I decided from the get go that I would not do that. The dumping is a tool that can be useful to keep me on the right track. If I found out that I don't dump then the tool is not available. If I don't know one way or another then the tool is there since I will assume I would dump on sugar. I did eat more fresh fruit this weekend than I ever have and it seemed to be fine, even pineapple. I don't understand the process but I do know that I'll be staying far away from powdered regular creamers. At home I do fat free 1/2 & 1/2 and if I want a little sweet I add splenda or SF flavored syrups. I also do that when I'm craving dessert, I'll make a really strong, sweet and creamy cup of decaf and sometimes put a little SF whipped cream on top. The thing about treats is they have to be occasional to be special.
Thanks again for the welcome back!
"When patterns are broken, new worlds emerge." -Tuli Kupferberg
7-09 The beauty of the weekend was everyone did their thing at whatever level they wanted and were respected for it. Some were completely off the chart (according to me) and some seemed really sedate (again according to my perception). The incredible thing about this experience was that each person had their own and it was perfect. We each step into experiences, even like bariatric surgery, with our own past, present and desired future. I try not to judge anyone else's experience as well as not compare mine. If you are interested in doing something like this, I'd be happy to share the website with you. Just email me at ladyravenfyr at aol dot com.
"When patterns are broken, new worlds emerge." -Tuli Kupferberg
LOL... yeah, it's not for everyone... but then again, I didn't think I could ever do it. Z was terrified. But I think everyone has "steel hook through the chest" experiences in their life. If you have ever faced something that fills you with fear and you pushed forward anyway, you know the experience. And I don't anyone on this board hasn't. Whether it's coming out, setting and holding boundaries, faced loss and grief... the actual hook was just a metaphor and truth be told, the physical pain is much easier than the emotional pain we have all been through over and over in our lives, living obese and choosing to change, grieving the loss of our dependence on food to cope, saying goodbye to our best food friends. But knowing the payoff, or even suspecting it, is what pushes us through. You or anyone doesn't need pierced to understand the truth of it.
"When patterns are broken, new worlds emerge." -Tuli Kupferberg
I am so glad you are back! i thought of you often my sister. what you described sounded beautiful and you have emerged from your chrysalis and are a beautiful soul. I hope we can meet one day! *HUGE BEAR HUGS*
We have rituals too.....it's a bit more animalistic and there are a few shamans in my leather family that are amazing. My Dom has the uncanny ability to project visions and it's a calming thing. oh we have so much to talk about :)
We have rituals too.....it's a bit more animalistic and there are a few shamans in my leather family that are amazing. My Dom has the uncanny ability to project visions and it's a calming thing. oh we have so much to talk about :)
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