can y'all help me out here
my daughter called me today to tell me her girlfriend (if this state recognized gay marriage she'd be her wife) of 10 years cheated on her and they are done.
She cheated with a guy pal of theirs...nice guy right? She said it was because she wanted a family some day and didn't think they could afford in-vitro etc...
how can I help my daughter not only get thru this but any advice on the family issue? I want her to be able to move forward (in time) and find love again (in the distant future) I realize she'll need time to heal her heart...
This is a random post I know but I just wanna help her - realizing of course there really isn't anything I can do....I feel so badly for her - they own a townhome together etc....it's just a sad ending....
thanks for any suggestions or advice!
She cheated with a guy pal of theirs...nice guy right? She said it was because she wanted a family some day and didn't think they could afford in-vitro etc...
how can I help my daughter not only get thru this but any advice on the family issue? I want her to be able to move forward (in time) and find love again (in the distant future) I realize she'll need time to heal her heart...
This is a random post I know but I just wanna help her - realizing of course there really isn't anything I can do....I feel so badly for her - they own a townhome together etc....it's just a sad ending....
thanks for any suggestions or advice!
(deactivated member)
on 1/3/09 10:39 am - Houston, TX
on 1/3/09 10:39 am - Houston, TX
now on the emotional side, I really have nothing to offer a broken heart, except booze and lots of sex with other partners...
but I will have to say...that the child birth instinct in lesbians is very strong...stronger than I would have ever imagined..
example...I know a woman named DOT...
she worked in a dynamite factory...the butchest women I have ever met...literally she looke like my uncle Clyde...
and she had a kid...I talked to he in detail...she said she wanted a kid...she found a man...got preggers...and never thought of another man...ever...
so past the emotion..maybe there is truth..as bad as it hurts...if your daughter wants kids...and they do not have money for invitro...maybe this is the only way out...
crappers I know...
but I will have to say...that the child birth instinct in lesbians is very strong...stronger than I would have ever imagined..
example...I know a woman named DOT...
she worked in a dynamite factory...the butchest women I have ever met...literally she looke like my uncle Clyde...
and she had a kid...I talked to he in detail...she said she wanted a kid...she found a man...got preggers...and never thought of another man...ever...
so past the emotion..maybe there is truth..as bad as it hurts...if your daughter wants kids...and they do not have money for invitro...maybe this is the only way out...
crappers I know...
She said it was because she wanted a family some day and didn't think they could afford in-vitro etc...
WOW!!! That has to be one of the cheeziest (if novel) explanations that I've ever heard!
Still, allowing that I don't know anything more than what you've presented here, I don't quite see how an incident of infidelity _by_itself_ would automatically mean "...and they are done." There must have been something else going on at the same time, and this just a final act, symbolic or otherwise. Yes? No?
/Steve
WOW!!! That has to be one of the cheeziest (if novel) explanations that I've ever heard!
Still, allowing that I don't know anything more than what you've presented here, I don't quite see how an incident of infidelity _by_itself_ would automatically mean "...and they are done." There must have been something else going on at the same time, and this just a final act, symbolic or otherwise. Yes? No?
/Steve
I agree - there must be more going on.....do I know details? no....and honestly my daughter told me last night she was blindsided but I think that is true when this happens on occasion, one person in the relationship is blissfully unaware that trouble lurks (sound dramatic don't I? LOL)
They finally had a sit-down talk yesterday and it is officially over.....her partner said she wasn't happy ....said my daughter was working too much (she's in college and working towards being a police officer - college full-time, full-time job....not much time left after that)
at any rate....now they are slitting up their belongings...it really is just sad
They finally had a sit-down talk yesterday and it is officially over.....her partner said she wasn't happy ....said my daughter was working too much (she's in college and working towards being a police officer - college full-time, full-time job....not much time left after that)
at any rate....now they are slitting up their belongings...it really is just sad
I totally agree with Steve!
If you want to get pregnant, and you have a wife, you plan it. You don't just think someday you're gonna be thanked for showing up with a positive pregancy test. That kind of behavior would have gotten me killed. The nice part of being a Lesbian - no 'accidental' pregnancies. Planned for, budgeted for children are definately the expectation.
My marriage has survived my wife's alcoholism, and my one episode of infidelity. But it was hard work. We both were completely dedicated to remaining with the one person we valued more than any other. She's never drank alcohol ever again. And I've never been unfaithful either physically or in my heart ever again.
If this is the last straw event, and the breakup is a more healthy thing than staying together, it is time for a split and they will need to get lawyers involved with the dissolution of property. Lamda legal can probably refer them to gay friendly lawyers experienced in family law.
It's wonderful that she can get support from her mom instead of being judged for her lifestyle or being given a ration of 'I told you so'.
If you want to get pregnant, and you have a wife, you plan it. You don't just think someday you're gonna be thanked for showing up with a positive pregancy test. That kind of behavior would have gotten me killed. The nice part of being a Lesbian - no 'accidental' pregnancies. Planned for, budgeted for children are definately the expectation.
My marriage has survived my wife's alcoholism, and my one episode of infidelity. But it was hard work. We both were completely dedicated to remaining with the one person we valued more than any other. She's never drank alcohol ever again. And I've never been unfaithful either physically or in my heart ever again.
If this is the last straw event, and the breakup is a more healthy thing than staying together, it is time for a split and they will need to get lawyers involved with the dissolution of property. Lamda legal can probably refer them to gay friendly lawyers experienced in family law.
It's wonderful that she can get support from her mom instead of being judged for her lifestyle or being given a ration of 'I told you so'.
"be willing to sit in the middle of the fear and fucking feel it." Lady Raven
www.obesityhelp.com/forums/gay_lesbian_bisexual_transgender
VSG 12/9/08 Highest 278, then lost #30 preop Goal 126
I agree...it is healthier for them to be apart....as sad as it is....this girl is like my daughter!!! I'll miss her being around for gatherings 'n such....
Thanks for the tip on Lamda legal.....I'll pass that on to her!
No judgment here - I love my kids....it's who she is and it's who she'll always be - it's not a choice...any moreso than I choose who I am....I just love her and want her happy and when she's hurting - I'm hurting for her!
Thanks for the support and tips!
Thanks for the tip on Lamda legal.....I'll pass that on to her!
No judgment here - I love my kids....it's who she is and it's who she'll always be - it's not a choice...any moreso than I choose who I am....I just love her and want her happy and when she's hurting - I'm hurting for her!
Thanks for the support and tips!
sfnativewm
on 1/4/09 5:17 am
on 1/4/09 5:17 am
I am sorry for your daughter. I know though several people that used other means than in-vitro to have kids.
Sad endings can bring new beginnings! I have found through my own life experiences that once a cheat, always a cheat!
Lame excuse to have an affair, but maybe a gift to your daughter to find out now.
Blessings to her! Blessings to you for being a caring mom!
Sad endings can bring new beginnings! I have found through my own life experiences that once a cheat, always a cheat!
Lame excuse to have an affair, but maybe a gift to your daughter to find out now.
Blessings to her! Blessings to you for being a caring mom!
~Ann~
Band removed and feeling alive with energy!
Oh, I'm fine with finding methods other than invitro! From a donor and a syringe, to sex, it's all good, but I would want a say in choosine the father, and be very clear whether this is a shared child of say 4 homosexual parents or a donate and vacate situation. And I would want a say in when we all start trying etc.
When I was young, there was a lesbian house that would hold parties. There were gay boys upstairs, and there were lots of cross gender liasons. But everyone was clear they were messing around - not self-sacrificing to avoid paying a sperm donor!!
When I was young, there was a lesbian house that would hold parties. There were gay boys upstairs, and there were lots of cross gender liasons. But everyone was clear they were messing around - not self-sacrificing to avoid paying a sperm donor!!
"be willing to sit in the middle of the fear and fucking feel it." Lady Raven
www.obesityhelp.com/forums/gay_lesbian_bisexual_transgender
VSG 12/9/08 Highest 278, then lost #30 preop Goal 126
Most Active
Recent Topics
