Relationship stuff...need advice

My ex is really pressed on being friends. I've tried it and sometimes it works. Sometimes I can forget that we had just signed on to purchasing a new house and I had picked out every tiny detail like the cabinets and wall color. I can forget about the civil cermony we were planning and all of the resorts and wedding magazines I checked out. I can even forget about the plans we made to start a family in 2009 but only for a moment. Then I'm filled with anger when I remember how all of this was thrown out of the window and how she forced me to heal by myself from my surgery after cheating on me with someone I thought she was just friends with. Someone we went to church with and now I can't even go back to that church. And for anyone who knows anything about LGBT, it's hard to find a good church that accepts you.

She's so wants us to be friends and I think its just so she can feel better. And I wouldnt give her my friendship if we hadnt moved to a new place where I know no one. I'll take any advice to getting over her. ANY ADVICE! I just want her out of my life but every time I push her out...she calls or text and I forget again for only amount just to have the vicious cycle start all over again. :(

Sorry for being so blunt but you need to change your phone # and email addy.

If she wasn't there for you @ the most crucial time...then she need not be there now.

God Bless.

Tennille -

I am sorry to hear what you are going through.

Clearly, there is still resentment and pain in your life due to the betrayal and all the time you may feel that you wasted with this person.  I think you need time to appropriately heal from this experience.  As such, in my opinion, I think you should sever all ties with this person.  I also think that you should let her know in no uncertain terms the amount of pain that she caused you and why you are choosing to no longer be in her life.

To dispense with the unwanted text messages and calls, simply change your number and have the intestinal fortitude to not give it to her or anyone whom she may know.  Now is the time for you to celebrate your success and get to know the real you.  You don't need anyone in your life who will threaten to derail that.  That's not fair to you.

I hope I was of some assistance.

I agree.  Change your number.  If you "really" do  not want to be friends...then don't.  I do not think I have ever had anyone cheat on me, but I have done it to others in the past.  I never had respect for the people I cheated on wanting me to be in their lives.  Granted, i only ever cheated on men, but that not being the point...go with your gut...that is always the best bet.

Off topic...my parent s used to live where you do....man it is so beautiful there....

I went through almost the exact same thing when my ex wife and I broke up. The only difference is I didn't know the girl that she cheated on me with.

It sounds like to me that your ex is so pressed to be friends out of guilt. At least that's what my ex finally admitted to me after a few months of nuclear war. We'd be able to get along for a little while and then it would blow up. You could almost set your watch by it. What I did, and I'm not sure if you've tried this or not, was just tell her "listen, don't call me or text me for awhile. I need space." Of course that night she walked right up to me at a bar and started talking to me. I didn't like doing it, but I took her aside and said "what part of don't talk to me did you not get? Because you understood it just fine this afternoon."  I didn't hear from her for a few days and when I did, I simply told her "you WILL give me my space." I didn't even respond to what she asked me. Eventually she got the hint and I had the time I needed to wrap my head around everything.

I mean personally, I don't think you should change your number. I think you've changed enough of your life because of this girl. That, and it doesn't sound like she's stalking you. She's just wanting the guilt to go away. Well, I hate to tell her this but tough. She's gonna have to deal with that on her time and not yours. I know it's tough being in a new place and not having a lot of friends, but maybe this is your chance to change that. Nothing motivates you like necessity. Go back to that church. The other woman doesn't own that place. And if she tries to talk to you, tell her the same thing - I need my space.

Honey, this is gonna take some time. The house may have fallen down, but there's a solid foundation there to build something new. You need some time to sift through the rubble and get it cleared outta there. Piece by piece, I know you will.

If you ever need to talk, don't hesitate to PM me. Sendin hugs your way :)

Wonderful message, B.  I agree with you.   Don't change the number.  Go back to the church.   Be strong, confident, and consistent.