child is transgendered

Hey guys,

If anyone has any advice on how to parent my 6 yo . I believe he is transgendered. He truly desires to be a girl. It does not seem to be normal cross gender play.  I am hoping htat I am doing the right things by him, but could use some feedback. 

Right now I pick out school clothing and he dresses traditionally male, but I avoid as many of the gender specific sports and truck etc....

At home he has a wardrobe of thrift store dress up clothes.  I love it when he opens the door for the pizza man and has on a dress and his gold sparkly heels. 

He is going to be a cheeerleader for Halloween and he is so excited to actually be able to go places as a girl.

 I let him be the guide when it comes to toys. His room is decorated in Hannah Montana decor

 I let him be the guide when it comes to toys. His room is decorated in Hannah Montana decor

Am I missing anything? Should I allow him to wear girls clothing to school despite the fact that he will be harassed? 

I am not a parent but wish to send you a big hug!!!!  I can suggest that you meet with a psych dr of some sort and discuss it.  Life is cruel at times and kids are mean when they want to be.   Speak to a lot of people to help you on this path!~Ann~

Hi amy,
I am not a child therapist or a specialist on children behavoir but maybe it is just a stage he is going through. A lot of little boys go through the stage of dress up and wearing heels and I see there is nothing wrong with it either way but my opinion would be to wait until he was a little older like 12 or 13 to decide if he wants to wear girls clothing to school.... To determine if it is a stage or what he really wants... I don't think most 6 year olds know about sexuality and wether or not they want to dress as male or female.... I hope you find the answers you are looking for. the best of luck to you and your little one.

I have to agree with Nessa. I was 5 and 6 hell, most of my life, and I wanted to play with trucks cars and blocks. I never wanted dolls or to play dress up. My mother had a hard time getting me into a dress let alone something pink. Hell, even now I only wear pink if it's something for breast cancer. (Check the ta-ta's people! Even men can get it.) If it would make you feel better talk to a child therapist about it and take him with you.

WOW, what a cool mom!!!

I do think s/he may know what is right for him even as early as this. That being said, it is also just a fact that people don't handle transgender folk very well. He may as well know that right now. Cross dressing at school might be a little much, at least until he's hooked up with a supportive medical team and a plan is in place.

It has got to be so much easier on a person now that puberty can be chemically delayed until the child's choice is clear. Then there are no adult sex traits to try to cover if they do decide a sex change is needed, and otherwise, they are just a late bloomer if they decide to accept their birth sex.

Thanks guys for your feedback. I was starting to wonder if I was crazy or on the wrong thread. I know it was off topic, but thought this might be a good place to get some feedback.  I appreciate all of your thoughts.Unfortunatlely one thereapist was at a loss and the pediatritian says to strongly encourage " male " activities and traits and keep him away from "girl stuff" He has 5 brothers, he is not lacking for male role modeling. The most recent therapist( he is adopted and had many problems) doesnt want to discuss that yet. So we shall see. Sounds like I am doing the right thing and I have explained to him that alot of people dont understand that akid with boy "partS' prefers to dress as a girl. I just hate that I feeel like I am closeting him, but I feel that I need to protect him,.

 "I love it when he opens the door for the pizza man and has on a dress and his gold sparkly heels."

Amy, I would love to believe that everyone *****aches out for support here is on the level, and not posting a ruse for whatever reason...

Having said that, when I was five I "truly desired" to be a cowboy.  I had cap gun six shooters, a holster, cowboy hat, and a broomstick horse.  I even had a shiny badge, as I aspired to sheriff.  This lasted until I started parochial school and, at six, "truly desired" to be a nun.  With a towel draped over my head and rosary beads around my neck, I insisted my family call me "Sister Joanne."

Your son is six and will "truly desire" to be many things before all is said and done.  If you are serious about needing advice on how to parent your son, then you should seek out professional guidance from someone who can help you.

Best of luck.

Wow,

I never expected that type of reaction from a GLBT site.

My child truly hates his sex and has since he was a toddler.  I was hoping that maybe someone else may have experienced this as a child and could help a bit. I have talked to a few transgendered friends in the past and they had true resentments toward parents who tried to "force it out of them"  He cries most morning due to wanting to wear a dress or a wig. I feared that I may be making him ashamed by dressing him as  a boy.

I am very offended by your indication of a "ruse"

Wow what a challenge.  I want to start by saying I am a mom and have a 9 year old boy who is not traditional at all, and uses a murse most the time.  LOL.  I have a super smart geeky guy who enjoys manipulating the world with his brain.  Mom is super athletic and has accepted that I will never coach anything for him except for chess. 

On a totally different thought, he alternately tries to develop super powers and collects rocks.  When he was little I bought him a little tykes kitchen cause he loved it.  He also loves dressup and used to run around with my bra on his head like a helmet.  Also was obsessed with silky things like my slip he used to carry around in his teeth.

I guess my point is that he does none of those things now.  I did not make a big deal out of them then or now.  I understand he is quirky and just roll with it.  I suggest that is the best thing for you to do here too.  Who he is today or tomorrow he will choose in a loving accepting enviroment.  I would not however push him one way or the other.  You know what I mean?  Some things can really get alot of attention and not all of it positive.  Unfortunately at that age they usually cant tell the difference from desirable attention to undesireable!

Good luck and I would start with a therapist!  They will guide you in the best non-damaging way to move forward!

One of my dearest friends is a second grade teacher and one of her children last school year was transgender. FYI small children don't really understand it but that this age they accept it for what it is.  As he later goes through school, trust me on this one, the kids are MUCH less tolerant of what they feel is different.  While i wouldn't discourage your child from being what he naturally is i sure as heck would discourage him from wearing a dress, life is tough enough when  you're young without making yourself the target so some little idiots hostility. Just my thoughts for what they are worth. ANDI