how do you end a perfectly good relationship once and for all?

yeah... just what i said...

I know you guys have been through alot. Is it time to end it?

see, that's the thing. that's the big question that's going around in my mind right now. she left. she hasn't been living in the house with me since the day kensie came home from decatur to start back to school. we've still been talking and she regrets leaving and wants to come home but my big thing is... she. left.

how do you get over something like that? because every time we have a disagreement or anything she threatens to leave and finally i got sick of it and i told her to be very sure that this is what she wants because *IF* she leaves then there's no coming back. period. and? she left!

on the one hand, i miss her like crazy and i wish i could just close my eyes and erase that day altogether. but on the other hand... i kind of just want for her to go away and let me figure out who i am now. because really, i haven't had any *ME* time at all in a very very long time. she and i met when i was three months out and i really kind of feel like i spent so much time working on our relationship and trying to make it work but that i didn't spend any time on me and trying to fix the things that are wrong with me besides my weight.

like, i have this fabulous new sports car (my new thin and healthy body) and i want to take it out for a spin on the audobon but i'm stuck in this circular driveway of life and just going 'round and 'round and 'round.

omg, it's awful. i just need a hug. really and truly, i need a sincere hug from someone irl that will allow me to cry on their shoulder and not have it *mean* anything, kwim? idk, i'm just really confused. idk if i miss *HER* or if i just am so used to having her around that i miss the companionship or what.

and then there's the whole incident with us moving and all. well, with *ME* moving everything and getting a wonderfully painful hernia from it. the whole thing went down like this: (i just copied and pasted this from my external blog in case you haven't read it...)

so wednesday of last week (the first wednesday in august that is...) katie was off of work (as usual) and was attempting to set the house up after our move. the thing is though, she has add (undiagnosed but still...) and can't focus on any one thing for very long. so when she does things like this and i come home it looks like she hasn't done ANYTHING because she's partially done SOME things (but never completes ANYTHING!) so she started working on kensie's closet (we had to add another bar to fit all of our clothes into these tiny closets) but didn't finish that, then she started working on kensie's ROOM but didn't finish that and she also said that she was going to do the dishes but she didn't touch them at all.

so she's texting me all day long (seriously, idk how she ever accomplishes anything because she's constantly texting me. no joke, when i talked to t-mobile and put her line by itself the rep told me that in that particular month she had SENT OUT over 10,000 texts!!!) and then finally she goes "i just want you to know that i'm trying so when you get home you won't get mad or anything. i'm just really tired though and want to rest some. but i'm trying but i won't have anything finished." that pretty much meant that she wasted all her time texting me and watching tv and didn't get anything done.

i texted her back and said ok but that this part of the move was pretty much going to be all her because of my hernia. i told her that my surgeon said for me to not lift, push or pull ANYTHING for the next 4 weeks and then to not lift, push or pull anything over 10 pounds for the 2 weeks after that. she got pissed off at me and said for me to not start this right now because she's already stressed out enough as it is. i was all like "wtf??? what are you even talking about? start what? i'm just telling you what he said." and it pretty much just escalated from there.

she kept saying for me to not talk to her like that (like WHAT? i just told her what my surgeon said!) and that if i kept on that she was going to leave. so i told her to be very certain that that's what she wants before she leaves because if she leaves there's no coming back. and... she left. and immediately regretted it and thought that i should let her come back home that very night. WTF!

well we've been texting and talking since then and we're trying to work on things together and trying to work on getting back together but it's going to take some time...

anywho, now you know.

so... that's what happened. and if you look through my external blogs you can read more details about other incidents that we've been dealing with ever since. she really seriously needs help. she's seeing a shrink and is on medication BUT she's (i feel sure anyway) bi-polar and thinks that she doesn't need medication one minute and then DESPERATELY feels like she needs medication the next minute (same goes for therapy.) so she takes her meds about half the time at best and sees her shrink only when her script FINALLY runs out (a month script lasts her about 3+ months...) and then gets changed to a DIFFERENT script because the previous one wasn't working. well duh! it won't work if you don't take it!!! jeez... maybe it wasn't such a good idea for me to get involved with such a "young one" in the first place...

I am so sorry!!!  But you are right she left!  So she needs to live away for a while since a child is involved.  Maybe date her and take the time to really think about what you want and need.
Just my humble opinion!~Ann~

I don't know the age difference between the two of you. 

I was 41, she was 27.

We were together two years.  She moved in immediately (within a week).  They were the happiest 2 years of my life.  Of my life.

At the 1 year, 7 month mark, she left in the middle of the night while I was out of town.  In fact, we were on the phone talking about how she was going to meet me the next morning.  All the while she was packing.  She text me the next morning "check your email".  Email said, "I'm sorry to do it this way, but I will not be coming to Palm Springs this weekend, and I will not be home upon your return".  WTF???  My world crashed.

Texts, phone calls, less than two months later, she's back home.  It was never the same.  And she finally left for good 3 months later.

I found out (about a year later) that she and woman from work had started an affair.  The had made the plan to move out at the same time.  Unfortunately for my g/f her woman from work had a g/f who's father died just as they were to move out together.  The other couple had been together for 18 years.  My g/f moved back in to save money, and wait for new honey to clean up her end.  That's when she finally left. 

My vote is:  Let her stay out.  Not that I'm bitter.  Really.  Just sounds like there's alot of things that bother you about her.   And having her come back because you're used to her being around isn't really a reason.  You've got your daughter to hang with.  And a hot new bod to show off around town.

I happen to be in a similar (we don't live together) situation as of today.  I really like her, but there are so many things that bother me.  I don't know if she has ADD, but damn, I'm exhausted thinking for two.  She's a nice girl, but not a "partner".

Good luck!

-julie

If I was around, I would give you a big hug and you could cry on my shoulder.

I have kept up with your story here and there. To be honest with you, I'm surprised that you two lasted this long.

I'm not there to see your relationship in real life and and not heard her story, but from everything you've said, this is a toxic relationship and is better off ending (if you ask me). Sometimes, these are the hardest relationships to end. I had to end a "toxic" friendship years ago, and it was one of the hardest things I had to do.

Even when bad relationships break up, it hurts. I think you need to let her go, and then give yourself time to heal and take care of you.

JMHO

Well, like you said you need some alone time.
You've been dating her since 3 months post-op (I think, I'm sleepy), she walked out on you after you told her what would happen if she walked out again, and you admit that you need some "me" time. Advice...
Hit up the rainbow poom-poom club, and partay! I kid, I kid.
Enjoy yourself for a bit before you decide what to do.

I have to admit that A.D.D part made me grin, that soooo reminds me of someone.

Aww, hon, I'm sending you a virtual hug !!  I've found that if it's right, it should take a lot less effort.  Perhaps it's time to each have your own space and revisit the possibilities at a later time?

I'm keeping you in my thoughts.

John

well it doesn't totally sound like "a perfectly good relationship", at least to me.

But I know I would flucuate, especiallly when I get lonely. I was "lucky" in that my GF got involved with someone else and the entire mess was so sordid and insensitive that I was never tempted to go back. I think her being an ass has helped me in the process. I think when you are ready to end it you will. But don't make a decision based on being lonely and weak. Make a list with the positives and the negatives of the relationship...then what you want out of a relationship. Can this one be fixed to be what you feel you need?

I do think that weight loss impacts not only us physically and mentally but also the people we are with....best of luck on deciding what to do...


deb

I agree w/ Rachelle: break ups are always painful regardless of who did what.
I also agree w/ John: if the relationship is "meant to be" it doesn't take as much work. 
Years ago I had a very bad break up and ended up alone for 5 yrs. I bearly dated. It was one of the best things for me. I learned soooo much about me and who I was and what I wanted. I got really good at being alone. Now the being lonely part sucked, but I kinda miss alone sometimes.
Here's a hug for yawish I could give ya a real one, ~Ape