Beginnings and endings

*sigh* I think that my GF and I are calling it quits after 8 months of ups and downs, wonderful highs and horrible lows. Nothing specifically happened, but communication has just stopped - and both of us are huge communicators. She and I met at a very tumultous time in my life, as well as hers. I moved back to Arkansas to help out with my Father was ill, and she had just gotten out of a very tough breakup where she was left in the cold by her ex GF. We bonded very quickly and although things were tough, it was a great to have someone there with me, when my dad was dying....and to be there for her to be an ear to listen to, and a shoulder to cry on. All and all, I think the problem was (is) that we are just too much alike ~ in some respects. Then in other areas, we are a world apart, and can't see eye to eye on some things. She was right by my side when my dad took his last breath - actually she was on the other side of the bed from me, holding his hand, and feeling pain as if he was her father. It was an incredible experience with her. But since then, I've become distant, and maybe there are many other psychological issues that go along with it. Neither of us were ready for a relationship yet - but we both gave in. And now, after 8 months, we are going our seperate ways. There was no arguing, nothing like that - maybe because for some reason our lines of communication just simply stopped. It's very odd. Since I've had my RNY surgery on May 27, 2008 - she has been on pins and needles - wondering if I was going to leave her when I "get skinny" - she's a bigger girl too - but had no reason to be concerned. She has supported me, but on the other hand, it seems like my surgery was something that she wa totally uncomfortable with. We got into a huge disagreement when I was in Mexico during my surgery - and I was extremely frustrated. I hate to say that the surgery is the reason that we are in the situation that we are, but I can't help but wonder. I'm sure this story is pretty typical of people who go thru WLS. It's just sad. I love her deeply, but I'm not sure that I am ready to commit 100% yet....I just wanted to date - but we all know how things are in our lifestyle. It's either all or nothing. It's crazy. I've recently started a new job (well, I worked here in the past) and I love it. I have opportunity to better myself here and move into upper management and I am totally stoked about that. I'm also excited about my weight loss and I feel like a totally different person. I'm about 7 weeks out and have dropped about 40#'s or so. I'm anticipating living a new life and seeing all of the possiblities that are looming on the horizon. I never anticipated hurting anyone in the process, but I don't think I need to feel guilty about something that I wasn't 100% ready to commit to in the first place. I'm venting more than anything, but would like to know if any of you went thru major relationship changes when you lost weight....and, anything else in general that you'd like to share. I think I'm gonna go out tonight and have a Beer - okay well, maybe a glass of water instead. and dance at UBU ~ Little Rock's poor excuse for a lesbian bar. I'm not even a bar person......it's odd. Thanks! Have a wonderful weekend! Thanks to you all for listening. ~Peace Laurie

Laurie, I'm so sorry to hear that you're going through a tough time! I broke up with the partner I had been with for a couple of years shortly before I had surgery. I felt that I would not be able to focus on what I needed to do for myself during this time if I had remained in the relationship. I stayed single until after I had lost over 100#. I felt like being alone was really helpful to me during that time. Z

I am 6 months out and the Hubby and I are starting therapy on the 29th. This is 4 years in the making tho. I just got fed up with the B.S. and I just can't call it quits. I love him too much. Our problem is money (who's isn't in this economy?) and his mother. So therapy is happening now and he is complaining about that. Good luck with all of this. It's hard adjusting to everything and then toss in relationship issues on top of that! EEK!

I am sorry this is happening. No words can help, just feel free to vent away!~Ann~

Thank you all for your love and support and kind words! Things go on and we are better people because of our past, right???? Thanks! ~Peace, Laurie

Laurie: I am sorry to hear abotu your break up, but it sounds like what you need/want right now. I have the same fears, especially since my GF has decided to NOT have the surgery after all. We were supposed to do this together. But not anymore. Oh well only time will tell. But if we were EVER going to have a selfish moment, I think now is the time, don't you? Best wishes, Heather

Hi there...thanks for the response. I hope things work out for you, in whatever capcity they will. And being selfish...yeah....I think this is the time and place for me....to get my life together and see which direction it will head. Don't be a stranger! Sincerely, Laurie

My partner and I went through a very rough spot just before, during and immediately after my surgery. I am only 5 weeks out and things are still a little rocky, but we are finally talking. We've been together for almost 9 years and, like you said, in some ways we are exactly alike but in others, it feels like I'm an alien in the relationship because we can't understand each other's perspective at all. She is normal sized (struggles with the same 20-30 pounds) and I thought she was just in secure. After weeks of horrible fights, I finally walked out. Well, I kind of shuffled out like a 90 year old man because of my healing incision. We were finally able to really talk about what was wrong and I guess she was just concerned about whether the surgery would cause health problems later, possibly taking my life. She said that she would rather lose me thinking that I was out there somewhere, happy and getting the life I always wanted than watch me die. It took some education and alot of discussion, but things are looking up...especially since she is starting therapy soon. I guess, I just wanted to say that you aren't alone, I just took awhile to say it Tara

Things are odd sometimes! But we will always get thru it, one way or the other! RIGHT?????

Laurie, I went through a really bad breakup...it started 3 days before my surgery (she said it was over) but I was about 3 weeks out when I realized she was involved in an affair. I don't think the surgery had anything to do with it. I still have to see her at work (ugh) and she has gained alot of weight .....and well I am lower than she has ever seen me. I get lots of compliments from folks at work. Anyway, we had been together for almost 9 years, I thought she was the love of my life, I thought my future was mapped out....and I was in shock. My dad died last year and she was there to help me through the funeral too. But I have been recouperating both physically and emotionally. And right now things are looking up for me and I see the future more positively. I still get lonely sometimes....BUT you can be lonely in a relationship too...at least I am not worried about the lies now. So the point of this is....YES you can survive and thrive and life is good....focus on yourself and dealing with all the changes involved in the wls process. I went to counseling, turned to friends...and family.... I wish you the best as you come to terms with this.... deb