Need to Vent

Hello LBGT world, and beyond ~ I know this isn't a psychotherapy board or any of that stuff, but dammit! I need to vent and I figured this was as good as place as any!!!! My GF is a Drummer in a band who is performing at one of our local gay bars this weekend for Pride in Little Rock. She's also in another band too.....She's the VP of Finance for a major company here in Little Rock, and they are in the process of being bought out by another company, AND we just closed on our new house yesterday, so needless to say she has been WAAAAAY stressed between work, practice for this weekends show, and her other bands practicing 2x a week, and the upcoming move. I am being patient and just letting things slide......things like not much intimacy, aloofness, absent from what seems like everything, etc. She is THE MOST dedicated woman in the world to me, and it's so hard to just sit back and not say anything. It's like when she has other things going on, the relationship gets put on the back burner. She's very analytical, so she thinks through EVERYTHING generally. I have NO DOUBT that she loves me, and no doubt that we will be together.....I am just FRUSTRATED at this moment in time!!! So, tonight......the Band is together practicing (a house full of lesbians - band members and all of their significant others, and some of their friends, etc) so, I took my GF some Starbucks (her fav) and 2 beautiful red roses in a vase with baby's breath and the whole 9 yards. And, I went to hand her the Starbucks, and her reaction was, "What is that?" WTF???????????????????? Then, the Roses caused less to do. They took a break and she came out from behind her drums and made some petty talk with me, and then went back behind her drums. No kisses, no I love you's, no nothing - so I told her I wasn't going to stay because I was tired and just needed to chill for a little while, and she got pissed. WOMEN!!!! Well, I ended up leaving very quietly. (It probably doesn't help that I am PMS'ing also....LOL) Here's how this all ties into this board. I had RNY May 27, and since around April 24th, I have lost around 40#'s.....I'm only about 35#'s heavier than her right now, and although she would NEVER admit it, I honestly think part of her is TOTALLY intimidated and terrified that when I get smaller than her (or at some point in the future) that I am going to dump her for someone else....so she just pulls away. She has been on her own (single) for quite sometime before we met, and compromise for her is difficult at times. She's only 7 years older than me, but VERY set in her ways, as I am sure that I am somewhat set in my ways as well. We talk about things, and then just get frustrated and tend to clam up at that point. I won't DARE ask her about the whole weight loss thing, because she will vehemently deny it til the bitter end. I have tended to be a gypsy in the past, and I think she's in constant fear that I am going to just be up and gone one day. All of this ties together somehow!?!?!?!??! Maybe I'm just whining right now, and need to suck it up because there IS SOOOO much going on in our lives right now. But, I did need to just write and vent for a little while. Hell, it's not that bad......after all, I DO DATE THE DRUMMER!!! LOL Thanks for listening to my rants and *****ing! I hope all of you have a beautiful weekend!!!! ~Peace L

Your thoughts and feelings are all valid and real since they are yours. I hope your weekend gets better!!~Ann~

I just need to laugh since I am one of the hags here and joke about how men "make" lesbians since they can be clueless. I NEVER thought about the whole PMS thing. I am having problems with the hubby too and his mom is even more criticle of me. I am in smaller sizes than her on tob and closing in on the bottoms and my high was 387! People are dumb, we have to get over it if we can. If we can't... well I am still working on that since I usually let things go.

Laurie - I feel for you! Besides the fact that there are a million things going on in your world - having a partner issues does not help. You are suppose to be going through the best stages right now - you are in the honeymoon period! This is the time you are going to have all your wow moments, your OMG my jeans don't fit anymore moments, the "I did not even know that was you" moments, the looks from strangers that you are not sure about, the dumping and trying to get into a healthy routine period.... this is an important time! This is the time that is going to set the pattern for your whole new RNY life! You need support from your gf.... although you may not know it, you or she might actually sabatage this important time. I am 4 years out and the patterns and tools that I learned during the first 9 months were the most important for me!!! I wish I had the WOW moments to keep me going - they are great on keeping you motivated! It is all me now and it is work! I am not sure why for some reason, we become so relaxed and at ease with our partners that we forget to be intimate - figuring the person knows where we stand. Knowing where we stand and showing it are two different things! I am constantly working on this struggle with my gf. We both have such busy lives and we forget that we need to make time for each other. And no, running to the grocery or picking up the cleaning together does not qualify as "personal time". Hang in there! Talk to your girl....let her know how you are feeling. Hopefully things will settle down now that Pride is over, you closed on your house...oh but bummer- the bad part is her company... major change like that is always stressful! Let her know that you are always there for her and that you need to feel the same! Stay positive! I am hear if you need to talk! Valerie