Do you remember?

I'm one of the younger ones on this board, being only 22 now, but at 21 and 341 lb, my obesity was no kid's stuff. I was my current weight (183) in seventh grade. Ten years ago. When I was in tenth grade I went on a physician supervised diet and went from 260 to 225. By the time I was in college I was 290 and I didn't step on a scale until a year and a half ago, and I was 330. When I first started the surgery process, my weight was 341. That was my highest weight. At 5'5", that gave me a BMI of almost 57. Between April and September I lost 15 lb and man, was that hard. I was sure that because I had such a difficult time losing such a small amount before surgery, that surely I would struggle after surgery. Eight and a half months and 160 lb later, I am in shock. I was super obese for several years, but it was like those years never happened. I don't remember what I looked like just a year ago. I don't remember what it felt like to be so big I could barely wipe after going to the bathroom. I vaguely remember certain things because suddenly now I will find myself thinking and doing things that were necessary when I was that big. I find myself automatically walking toward the plus size clothes in a store. If I find a shirt that is my size but don't even particularly care for I have a fleeting urgency to chuck it into my cart because it's my size and that's all that matters. I have to remind myself that I no longer need to use the handicapped stall because my thighs would press painfully against the toilet paper dispenser in the regular stalls. Most recently I've had to remind myself that no, that guy is not looking at me because I am a freaking elephant, it's maybe because I am pretty, or maybe just because I'm there and somewhat normal looking. Looking at pictures of myself last summer boggles my mind. I don't remember what it was like filling size 28 pants tightly. I don't remember what it was like not being able to find any pairs of jeans that fit at all. I don't remember having to stretch all my t-shirts because they seemed to get tighter every day. I don't remember not being able to sit without breathing heavily. I feel like none of these things really happened, at least not to me, like I was beside myself just observing. I don't remember a huge chunk of my teenage years. It's like they never happened, and I'm making up now for the time I lost then. Walking around Elm Park in Worcester for hours with my boyfriend while wearing size 12 jeans is pretty surreal. It feels like everything I should have experienced before now, but I'm having a lot of fun making up for it now.

OH RACHEL! I'm only 3.5 months out.. but OMG can i identify with everything you are talking about.. I still Look in the mirror and see the BIG BOY.. Yet People around me are starting to treat me diferently now that i'm thinner. They actually smile at me and look into my eyes rather than averting their eyes so they dont stare.. Its funny how you notice little things like this.. Hell i've even had Women open the door for ME! that REALLY SHOCKED ME! Its all so New to me.. i'm only about half way to my Goal.. but still the differance is Astounding.. i looked at a pic of me this past Winter.. and put it side by side with a pic of me from this weekend.. and OMG... it was hard to See how i could have allowed myself to get that big.. Of course my relationship with food is in a state of flux at the moment.. but I Used to Live to eat.. now i Eat to Live.. and there is a very Big Differance between the two.. Big Huggz.. David

Actually, I have the opposite problem. I cannot wrap my mind around the fact that I wear a size 6/8 bottom and a S/M top. I still gravitate towards the plus size clothing section. I am just now at a point where I am not shocked at the reflection when I look in the mirror. That skinny girl really is me. I am just now at a point where I no longer cringe when a restauraunt hostess wants to seat us in a booth. My memories of being obese are vivid. But, they definitely are fading. Sharyn nurse2b

I am still in plus sizes but I was 36+ jeans. I had to wear mens because I grew out of women's sizes. I completely understand what you are talking about tho. It's totally surreal for me not to stop and think can I do that? am I too big for it? It's crazy.

i am right there with you sweetheart...

I don't remember being this weight or this size as an adult. I have not yet been able to see my weight loss other than an accidental glance as I walk passed the glass at work..shocked that it is my reflection. When I see pics of the old me, I think I still look like that. Rachelle

I still see the "fat chick" in the mirror. I've caught my reflection a couple of times when I'm out places and sometimes I don't recognize myself, if I'm caught by surprise. But, I do remember all the problems of the obese that I had (like the acrobatics you have to do to get all the soap off when you shower). Or how it's SO HARD to tie your shoes. And a million other things. What I'm tweaking about now, is that in a handful of pounds, I will be at a weight I've never been at as an adult. CREEPY!!!!! I'm in size 18 jeans, but I think I could get into 16's so I guess I still have quite a way to go. I'm not married to a number on the scale, but my BMI just went from Obese to Overweight and will go to Normal when I reach 145. So I guess I know about how much to weigh, but we'll see. This part feels the least real to me. I'm so glad you're having so much fun. You deserve it!!!!