this kinda blows...

i'm at work right now and we're having a baby shower for this wonderful lady that is due any day now. i'm extremely happy for her but as i was sitting at my desk i heard a former employee saunter through the building on her way to the shower and greet some other employees and tell them to be sure to keep her informed of all the births and weddings, etc. and then it hit me... i will never have a bridal shower. ever. i live in a small town in north alabama and i work for a subsidiary of the new york times company. they will never celebrate the union of a lesbian couple in this company, in this town, the way that they celebrate the union of a heterosexual couple and i'm deeply saddened by this

I am so sorry to hear that. Now that I think about it, I am sure a lot of companies are like that no matter where we are. I am lucky to be fully "out" in my industry, but there are also so many gay men that us homosexuals sort of over-rule, but there has not been one time we have been in our weekly newsletters about our upcoming wedding or bridal showers, etc. etc. This is a sad sad world we live in. Luckily we have wonderful organizations trying to change this and the best thing we can do is speak out and/or be a part of all these wonderful organizations trying to make a change so one day our place of employment will celebrate us as much as the person at the desk beside us.

and then as i was reading your response i got to thinking about whenever katie and i decide to expand our family and realized that they won't ever have a baby shower for me either. technically, they won't have to because it would be my second child and they usually do diaper showers in that situation BUT it would be my FIRST child since i've been working HERE (and they do baby showers if it's the first child while you're here.) but not for me... oh no, not for the lesbian and her "partner" because that would make everyone too uncomfortable.

Yep, I hear ya!!! I didn't get a baby shower when my partner was pregnant with our daughter, even they held them for all the hets. And, when my partner had a miscarriage in her second pregnancy, I was not allowed to take off using FMLA ~ had to use my vacation time. Even though one of my co-worker's wife had a miscarriage at about the same time and he got to use FMLA. But, you know what **** 'em. I will live my life and I will enjoy it. That is the best revenge. Sharyn nurse2b

Narrow minded people are everywhere it seems. I can't say I know how you feel, because I'm straight, but I do send you many good thoughts and a hug. I think we all feel like we "miss out" at times. You know that movie "My Big Fat Greek Wedding"? There's a scene in it that makes me so sad. It's when Toula, the bride, is getting ready for her wedding and all her aunts and cousins are fussing over her. When I got married, I was all alone in our apartment. My husband's sisters arrived late and so did my Matron of Honor. I am an only child and all my family is gone, so I was alone. I did my own makeup in total silence and although it was a happy day, that moment was so sad. I wished I had someone to share that moment with. The three women I mentioned acted like it was some major imposition to come to my place to get ready, so they got ready at their homes and showed up five minutes before the limo came. One of my fondest wishes is that one day it won't matter WHO you are marrying, it will be a celebration, a joyous, momentous occasion, not a fight to get something that should just be yours anyway.

That is awful. I had the opportunity to have my family and friends share in our civil union, but it seemed so inconveneint for so many different people, we just went alone!

Well my ex partner (now ) and I did the dp thing in February and every one at work was fantastic...they got us cake, flowers, cards and took pictures.... Course she was foolin around with someone else a few weeks later BUT the folks at work were super. deb

Well, I've been married to my husband for 16 years, so in spite of what happened on my wedding day, it was all worth it. I guess that whether you are gay, straight or whatever, we all have the human condition in common. We hurt when people are nasty to us, and we want to belong. I'm glad I belong here.

I hear ya Shirley. I never had a big wedding or a shower or anything and to this day the MIL still complaines about how we got married. So yeah I am glad I found my "home" here.

This is my second marriage, and it's the one that I described. My first marriage I went down the aisle stoned on Valium because I was a nervous wreck, and everyone was fighting. (My ex was Jewish and I'm Catholic. It caused a lot of problems even though his family wasn't religious at all). The second time, my husbands parents WALKED RIGHT BY US IN THE RECEIVING LINE. I have it on videotape. I never blocked my husband from seeing his parents, in fact I encouraged him often to call his mom, but I pretty much kept out of their way after that. Although, when my FIL was dying, I went to the nursing home each night after work and fed him and put him to bed. He had Alzheimer's so by this point, he didn't know me. I feel like I gave kindness back for cruelty, so that makes my karma a little better. You know what the difference is between inlaws and outlaws? Outlaws are wanted. Those of you who have a great relationship with your inlaws, count your blessings, you're truly lucky.