Anger Issues ANYONE?
Hi Ladies and Gents!! Ok here's the scoop.. i'm normally a very Laid back type of guy.. I try not to take anything to seriously.. although i have a very serious nature.. I let things slide off of my back.. But over the last week or so.. things have started getting on my nerves.. Yesterday an associate accused me of Leaving my seat when we are swamped with calls.. IE its time for my lunch..and all of the other Jerks who are NOT ANSWERING PHONES are sitting at their desks with their thumbs up their A$$ ! This just really chapped my a$$ ! I dont know why things are getting to me like this.. I went to work out today in the Gym and the same Associate Came into the Men's locker room while i was changeing and then turned right around and walked out.. i finished changeing and went to the treadmill as normal.. 5 minutes later the guy comes back and goes to change and then i have to look at the jerk the entire time i worked out.. Now normally i would understand this because i'm Gay.. and i dont hide this fact.. so i figured most guys who know are uncomfortable.. but ya know what guys..?! i dont want you!! Not every *** has a think for skinny Hairless Ugly Twinks!!! Now Finally to my question.. am i getting more aggressive because i'm loseing weight?? I remember being thinner than i am now.. and i've Never felt so aggressive.. I'm so ****ed that i just want to beet someones face to a bloody pulp.. Namely my associate!!! why is this getting on my nerves so much..i dont understand Can someone explain whats going on? has anyone else gone through this? any help or advice would be Greatly appreciated!!
It could be that you were laid back because you used food to calm you down and now you can't do that. Almost all of us have used food that way. Anger generally is fueled by our expectations not by other people. If you expect this associate to be thoughtful and understanding when it's your lunch time, then when he acts like a jerk you'll be angry. If you expect him to be sometimes OK and sometimes a jerk, when he's a jerk--you go, Oh well--jerk time. Remember when we are angry we are letting the other person "live rent free in our head". You can calm yourself down by the way you talk to yourself in your head--"I can handle this", "This isn't worth wasting my energy on", "There will always be jerks, but I can cope".
With recovery from compulsive eating or any other addiction each of us has to develop self-soothing techniques that work for each of us in our situation. If you want more info on this PM me. I am a psychotherapist and I work with anger issues all the time, including my own.
Good luck to you. You can handle this.
Connie
hey fella,
I went through something very similar. I was so very angry. I am three months post op, and it is getting better, alot better. I was told that hormones are stored in fat and therefore when you start burning fat and looting weight you release these chemicals. I am unsure how true this is but it made sense to me. Therefore, I was able to forgive myself for being angry. Even more I know that many times anger is a mask to something deeper, like peeling the layers of an onion. I have learned to just allow myself the priveledge to feel what I needed to feel without judging it. An example is crying at tv shows or movies...I allow myself to cry without saying, "big baby you are stronger than this" and I am able to move through the emotion quickly. It sometimes makes me feel a bit bipolar but right now it is working and helping me through this incredible transition. Good luck brother! Get lots of forgiving support!
Connie:
I'd be interested in what you think about this. How about the fact that a lot of obese people have self esteem issues and a lot of us end up "settling" in our lives. We settle for a lesser job, for a spouse that might not be the most attentive or supportive. We settle for what people will offer us for friendship because we're thankful anyone is willing to be our friend.
Fast forward to post op. Now, we start to realize that we're just as good as anyone else, and now we start to kind of LOOK like "everyone else". We're practicing nurturing our bodies by making the right choices with our food, and due to behavior mod classes, we start to challenge some of the negative, self-defeating thought patterns we've lived with our whole lives.
I think this is bound to cause some anger issues when people wake up and realize they are due a little more than what they've allowed themselves. I'm wondering if you think this could be the case as much as the issue of having expectations of others that we can't control. One of the groups I run where I work is on anger management, and I like the phrase you used about people living rent free in your head.
I don't mean to make us sound like a pitiful lot. But, in the last few months, I've read a lot of posts in this theme, and have been giving the matter a lot of thought.
I've been really thinking about this so I could answer your question with some real thought as well as talking to my friends about the concept. Sorry for the time delay.
I think you have a point which bears some thought and some research. If i think of the clients I've seen, I would agree that there is some "settling" due to self-esteem, but it's certainly not limited to overweight folks at all. As I look at my life and my partner's life, and to a great deal the lives of close friends who are overweight I don't really see any settling. I can really only speak for me when I say this. I haven't done any since I came out at 41. But at that time I was also newly working the OA program and dealt with my earlier life with the 12 steps. That was a lot of the source of healing for my self esteem. Even though I never reached goal and even regained all the weight lost, plus a ton more, I never lost my self esteem. I may not have always liked my looks, but my intrinsic personhood has remained stable over the last 23 years. In those years I have nurtured myself and changed lots of self-defeating behaviors, except for the ones with food. Even there, as I told my doc, I didn't get fat eating junk--only the best of creative gourmet choices for me! So I know how to eat healthy in regard to choices--it's the amounts that did me in. I've been eating proteins, veggies and fruits and whole grains for years, but in quantities that were huge. Now I still eat what I did, except in half cup versions instead! And I love it. I get the taste. After the first few bites I probably didn't notice the taste anyway.
Hope this answers your questions, at least from my point of view.
Connie
It did, thanks! I stirred up quite a kettle of fish with this question at work. I talked with one of the psychiatrists about my thoughts and said about the same as you and is going to provide me with some materials on self esteem to build a group from, relating to settling. I think this might be more of an adult issue though, and I work with kids, but I'll see where it leads me. I think you're right that this is really a self-esteem issue and so someone who has been weight proportion to height all their lives could just as easily be subject to the "settling bug".
I really appreciate you giving this some thought. I've seen you give sensitive, insightful feedback to people here and I value your thoughts.
Thanks for taking the time to answer me.
You are welcome! I love to be challenged to look at things from new directions! I think in working with kids that anything that raises self esteem has some long term good payoff. My partner taught school for 34 years and she tried to catch kids doing good things and praise them. She would say "I know you really want to succeed..." and things like that. Her 5th graders loved her!
Good luck with your kids!
Connie
Fifth grade? Wow. Tough age. Too old to be little kids and not quite pre-teens. The ones that we get in that age range are usually very angry. I think I'm going to work on developing something to use with my older 17 or so kids. We get a lot of girls in that have very controlling boyfriends. I was thinking this might be a good thing for them.
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