My new story

As you all know, I don't post too often, but I do read constantly. I try to respond when I think that what I have to say is worth saying....but I do want you all to know that I think that the information shared by you all is always quite relevant. Well, I thought I would tell my most recent story!!! As most of you might remember, I ended up gaining weight (got up to 174 pounds). I wasn't happy, I was quite down..and I posted about my dispear. I could deal with 165 lbs, I longed for 155 lbs, and I fantasized about 145lbs. PART ONE: Well, two weeks ago, on a Monday evening I was watching Valerie Bertinelli on Oprah. As I was watching the show (very interesting..her life, her weight, etc...).. I started feeling sick. Within the hour, I wa**** head-on with a FLU. I had to go out, TOPS for my weekly weigh-in (170). I got home at 6:00 and was in bed by 6:15. Slept straight through till Tuesday. Trudged off to work, slept during my breaks, got home at 2:00 and went to bed... Did the same on Wednesday. Feeling awful, I decided to take Thursday off. Slept all day, slept all night. Went to school on Friday, and taught one class..then ended up going home sick the rest of the day. Over the weekend, however, I started feeling better. Granted with all the sleeping, there wasn't much chance of eating. No appetite for anything but sleep. So, I knew I lost a few pounds (based on the home scale). PART TWO: On Friday, one of my teachers handed me the recent People Magazine and she wanted me to read an article about an actor who wieghed 300 plus, had surgery, weighs 190. Talked about how he has problems finding acting jobs..because he is now normal...not "special". Well, as I was laying in bed (10:30pm) I was awoken by a revelation. I will never be as thin as I want to be. If I were as thin (pound-wise) as I want... I would look sickly and anorexic. I will never be handsome or attractive like Brad Pitt (granted he weighs more then I do). I will never be 25 again...and I will never be buff (not my body type). I am not special anymore because I am so fat... I am average (at times below average). Instead of constantly looking at where I was, I need to look at where I am...and where I am going. I need to be healthy...not "thin". I need to be special..because I am special.. BAM!!! Now to keep that in my head!!! PART THREE: Well, I got up Monday morning, dressed in my thin pants (lost enough weight to fit into them again...) and was feeling fine. Had my bowl of oatmeal (shared with the dog)..then suddenly, threw it all up. Didn't think much of it.... Got to school...and threw up again. Well, from Monday morning on.... I spent most days throwing up. Couldn't hold a cracker in my system let alone water. Very embarrassing running out of class..to go throw up... Well, I decided to take Thursday off (a new habit) and spend the day in bed... Which I did. Got up Friday morning, got to school, made substitute plans...and left. Went to the emergency room. I got in at 6:30am. After several IVs, a gastric ****tail, morphine, etc... I had x-rays, ultra-sounds, and CAT scans. Spending most of the day "lounging" and resting...around 3:00pm, the doctor finally told me that I am the proud papa of several kidney stones (8mm). They planned to release me with some medication (pain medicatoin...but not enough!!!!)..and I have to set up an appiontment on Monday to see what they want to do about them. REMOVE THEM!!!! is my opinion...get me healthy!!!! Stop the pain!!!! Needless to say, it has been awful two weeks, having problems eating...losing weight, etc... Now, I just want to get healthy!!!! Never a dull moment, huh!!!!

Geeze, I'm sorry you are feeling so awful! But what an amazing revelation! Kudos to you! Good luck on Monday! ~Lori

WOW moments are priceless, but I'm sorry yours is coming to you at such a high price. Good luck with the Monday appointment.

Well I hope you feel better soon and that they can do the stones with laser. But I am glad you had the realization of your own worth and value! You are special, and valuable just for yourself. It's not about how thin any of us become, it's about who we are, and who we are, are people who want to be healthy and able to live our wonderful lives! So I hope you are well soon and can start living your own wonderful life! Connie

I'm so sorry to hear about the pain. How exciting, though, to have a moment of clarity about the body issues. I think you're right, when we do have them, the challenge is holding on to the information. I know it's dorky, but when I figure out something really important like that, I will sometimes write it down and put it somewhere that I can't help but see it regularly. Even if I don't read it every time, I have a visual reminder of that information. This might work less well if you don't live alone, as I do. Z

Wow, I hope that you start feeling better soon!! Maintaining & dealing with gaining, even small amounts, is going to be a life-long issue for us all! For what it's worth, i think you look great! Mike

Daniel, I've never had the "pleasure" of having a kidney stone and I don't want to either! Just know that my thoughts and prayers are with you for a speedy recovery.

Sorry to hear about the stones, let us know what the Dr says today!! Congratulations on the moment of clarity though, that is fantastic and I am so proud of you! Shells