Depression

I have a few good friends that are now adults and have some sort of lives while the others don't really have much going on. Lately I've stopped contacting them to see if they'd try to contact me instead and they haven't. Why am I always the one who has to call someone? I don't want to seem desperate but I'm not content with not being around friends more often. I don't have an SO, never did, probably never will the rate I'm going. I have a full-time job but once I'm out I'm fully flexible. No plan I have is ever too concrete; if a friend needs me I'm there. It hurts that I need my friends but they clearly don't need me. They have boyfriends or girlfriends, or other friends, a full-time job, family situations. That's fine and understandable. But I also have friends who don't have jobs or any responsibilities, friends who do nothing but play World of Warcraft every waking second, yet they never reach out and call me. The friend(s) in particular who play on the computer told me a few weeks ago, "Oh I wish you had called last weekend, we were just home playing WOW all weekend." Really. I'm the one who has to initiate contact. Yes, I seem to be falling back into depression even though I'm still taking my meds correctly, and it scares me. It seems my insurance will only cover a therapy visit biweekly and that was fine for a while but now I know I need to see someone weekly again. I just want to crawl into bed and cry and that is not a good sign. I don't want to go to work and pretend to be happy and smiley. I want to feel needed! My parents are pretty good at making me feel loved and wanted, but my friends really don't get it. More importantly, I want to feel okay with being alone sometimes. It should be okay that I can't see my friends all the time, I shouldn't be reacting so strongly. I WANT TO BE HAPPY. But I don't see that happening any time soon.

Hey .....This weekend is really busy. I have a concert on Friday night. A wedding reception on Sat. and a play on Sunday. I am off mid week next week...so hopefully we can get together and be depressed as a team (go team depression !! ). I am not sure if I still have your #.....I might......I will let you know on here if I do not.......Sean

That sounds good, lol. depression

Rachel, I am sorry you are going through this. Regarding your friends--they aren't going to change. If you want to see them regularly you are always going to have to be the one to make the effort. That's not right or fair, but that's life. I have had "friends" like that, too, and with most of them it ended up being too much work and I eventually dropped them. Regarding wanted to feel needed and appreciated--please consider doing volunteer work. That will get you out with other people and doing something you believe in--it is really rewarding. Regarding your depression--therapy is great but it sounds like you may also need some medication or a medication adjustment to get through this rough period. Please consult your healthcare provider. And finally, feel free to call on us for support at any time.

I like my friends when I am with them and usually I am willing to put forth the effort to see them, but sometimes I get caught up with questions about why it always has to be me first. As for the volunteering, I've always considered doing that. It sounds like a good idea. I've been taking Wellbutrin for a few years and never had a problem before now. I'm trying to get an appointment with another psychiatrist because the current one I see I am not comfortable with. Thank you for your reply!

AW Hun! I know that feeling. I tend to find friends like that too. If I don't call them I don't see them or talk to them. I also know the feeling of wanting to be happy and not having someone. I found for me that I have to be happy with who I am and get out and do things. I got involved with a group at (dare I mention this?) church and I felt better because I met people and felt needed and wanted. When I moved to CT I ended up on meds and I have had them adjusted when I started having problems. Good luck in finding something that helps And remember, we are here for you always.

Thank you so much for your reply. I need to do more things that let me meet new people. I'm taking a class so that's one step in the right direction.

Just keep putting one foot in front of the other until you walk through this. I used to get soo scared when I would have a bout of depression because in the past I had a severe case. Now I have learned that it usually passes. Like others said, if it continues, consider having your meds adjusted. Take yourself out to dinner or to a movie. I learned to do the things I liked to do whether I had anyone to do them with me or not. Also, the season does not help those of us who are prone to depression. I just keep looking at pics of my flower gardens and looking forward to planning what I am going to be able to do this year. Hang in there and let us know when you need a shoulder!

I definitely have a hard time being alone. My parents are one thing but sometimes I need friends, and they're not always there for me. Thank you

I want to repeat what someone else said, you have to find happiness within yourself. Then you will attract someone to you who is also happy with herself. I tell clients to start with "I am enough" or "I deserve happiness" and the prescription is to say it 100 times a day--in the shower, driving in the car, cooking meals, etc. That's how you change the negative tapes. I know it sounds like a Saturday Night Live routine, but it works. I also think the volunteering and the class are great ideas. Do you read LC? (Lesbian Connection). If you do you will find things to do in your area. If not, PM me your address and I'll have them send you a copy. There are workshops and festivals and entertainment. Do you know Suede as a performer? She lives on the Cape but performs all over the northeast and sometimes out here in the midwest. Is there a lesbian bookstore where you can hang out and meet people? These are some suggestions I would give. Make yourself happy! Connie