relationships
How has surgery and weight loss affected your relationships with you partners? Is anyone else experiencing some problems with partners becoming concerned about you wanting to find someone else because of the weight loss? Or how about differences with lifestyle changes? You exercising more and making different eating choices where your partner continues with the old lifestyle?
This was a concern for me, but I don't expect that most people will handle it the way that I did. I broke up with my partner shortly before surgery. I strongly felt that the only way that I was going to be able to succeed would be to do it on my own. I didn't want food in my house other than the healthy and appropriate foods that I select for myself. I didn't want someone else asking me if I was hungry, or to eat with them. I needed to be able to focus on the task at hand, and having the presence of a partner would not have allowed me to do it.
Of course, that also meant that I was living alone for recovery from surgery itself, which was more challenging than it would have otherwise been, but I have great friends who stepped up.
Z
I have been incredibly lucky to have a partner who had the band three weeks after I did. I can't imagine how much more difficult it would have been for me if she didn't do this. She does almost all the cooking and has been very willing to prepare all the fish which was not her favorite food. She is learning to enjoy it now. We discuss all the aspects of recovery including the head hunger and emotional stuff which is very helpful. We have been together 22 years tomorrow!
Connie
My partner is feeling very insecure right now. She had an RNY one year after I had my DS, but whereas I got down to goal, she only lost about half of her excess weight (disclaimer--I did EVERYTHING I was supposed to do. She didn't do ANYTHING she was supposed to do. So it wasn't just the difference in surgeries that accounted for our different results). Now I have had the first round of plastics done and am looking and feeling really good, whereas she is still 100 pounds overweight and can't or won't stay on any kind of food plan and/or exercise regularly.
I keep telling her I am not interested in finding anyone else, but , that I just want her to be healthy so we can have an active life together. Sigh.
My partner has been nothing but supportive --- from day 1... I was concerned that she was going to think that me having WLS was a cop-out or something, but really she understood that I had to do this for me, and she totally sees the amount of hard work involved. I could not have asked for a better partner in that respect.
Of course, sometimes there's the flirt overboard thing that comes out in me--but I think that its just to see if I am desired by others now that I feel like I'm a little cuter. Its totally harmless-and think there's nothing wrong with that, afterall I am committed to my woman and that's that!
No problems whatsoever! My partner isn't overweight; he's the kind of guy who gains 10 lbs. over Christmas and then loses it without even trying hard during the month of January. If anything, he's done a good job of keeping pressure on me to keep up with my exercise (let's face it: during the winter in NE, it's damn hard), and he's been extremely supportive of me during the entire WLS process, both pre-op and post-op. He's very accommodating with my dietary restrictions, and in fact, we eat the same food; he just eats a bit more than I do.
I can't imagine him worrying that I'd want to find someone else, but that's probably because he knows me so well. I think I'd have had to radically change my behavior and manner of thinking to give him any reason to worry in that regard.
/Steve
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