I hate myself....

Well, I am generally a reader these days..or better yet, a lurker. I try to post when I see something that I think I can input on....and I try not to post as a whiner..or complainer...but I just need to get something off my chest..and nobody around me..would really understand...but I know you all will..... Most of you know my story. Started at 340...and lost and lost and lost. I ended up at 155 (which was 15 lbs. higher then my personal goal...and 20 lbs. lower then my doctor's actual goal...even though I talked him into 165lbs.). Well, at 155 lbs.. I still wanted to lose, but knew by looking in the mirror (honestly) that I was too thin. The idea of gaining weight back..made me sick..but the process needed to be done. I ate more calories, started to eat things I shouldn't...and gained. I weighed between 160 and 165. I would flucuate within that 5 lb. range. I still hated it...wanted the 150s...but felt that I could deal with it. Well, Christmas comes and goes...conferences come and go..and I am now at 175 lbs. I look the healthiest that I have in two years.. I have people who say I finally look good... BUT I HATE IT...and I HATE ME!!!! My clothes are tight, I feel that I have an inner tube inside of me and that I am bloated.. I am sure I have stretched my pouch (doubt it, but you know the issues), I feel that I am no longer a loser...but now I am a loser... I am going back to a protein shake for breakfast, a yogurt for lunch, a cracker or two as a snack, and a light dinner. I need to lose weight.... I need to find a way of losing........... I know that I sound like I am whining.. I know that I should be satisifed with being healthy...but I feel sooooooooo awful now. I hate me, I hate everything about me, and I just don't know what to do. I want a revision... I want them to do a gastric sleeve on my pouch... I am thinking of over-the counter diet aides, I have used bowel preps on sundays to clean me out... DONT tell me to see a shrink... I just don't know what to do... How does one lose weight...after losing so much weight??? HELP ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Dan. I think you are feeling those things that we have all felt, even the real successful ones. I too have put on lbs through the death of my parents and my recent Divorce. All I can say is try to accept yourself for who you are inside instead of what you see in the mirror and I KNOW that the person inside is very special. God knows you have been there for me. Good Luck and hang in there. Love ya George

I don't know what that's like since I haven't lost that much yet but.... maybe you should throw your scale away and just go by how you look! You said it yourself that you knew when you were too thin by looking at yourself in the mirror. So.... the numbers don't matter as long as you like what you see!! That damn scale is messing with you....blow it to smithereens and be done with it so that you may have peace of mind. And by the way you look good NOW!!!

It sounds to me like you have body image problems. You really should consider therapy--it can do wonders.

Dan, First off, good to see you around again! Now...as far as your body image woes....I don't have a lot of advice for you that you do not already know. Someone mentioned tossing out the scale and going with what you see in the mirror? Could be a good idea, especially since you acknowledged that you know 150's is really too thin? Maybe try getting out a picture of yourself at your heaviest, tape it to the mirror and appreciate how far you HAVE come? I would say, get back to basics, concentrate on getting your protein, water, vits, and focus on how your body feels....remember how much better you feel now....let that be your guide, rather than the number on the scale or even the reflection in the mirror. I hope to see more of you around here. =) Shells