My sister declined - Looooooong post

Let me back up a little bit... We announced the date of our upcoming Civil Union at our annual bbq in July. Many people were excited. Me and Chris both asked our sisters to stand up for us. Everybody is happy. A few months later, my sister calls me and says that she is calling Chris's sister because they are planning a shower, but no return call (there goes the surprise). I say that we really don't want a shower, but you know how sister's can insist. She said that when they first mentioned it at the bbq, Chris's sister said that she will plan something for her side of the family only. A few days later, my sister calls me again and says that Chris's sister made all these plans without her and she's upset that she wasn't included or consulted and she wants no part of it...she will do her own thing. She says "I decided I'm just going to take you and Chris out to dinner...I don't know who from our family would really come to a shower anyway"....WHAT?!?!?!?!? OK, even though I really wished she would have put forth the energy to do a shower, what can I say....of course dinner is fine. OK....I let that drop. We talk to our bff and we decide that maybe bff can talk to my sister and help her along. Bff feels that they should do one big shower and she offers her help. She talks to my sister and my sister said to keep it separate. Bff offers to help with the shower and host it in her house...how nice of her My sister agrees...but then she turns around and calls me and says that Bff has a lot of nerve and it wasn't her place to butt in. Her excuse to me is that me and Chris didn't want anything anyway. Nobody is going to force her to do anything she doesn't want to and if we want to decline dinner, we can. She doesn't care. I try to keep everything even keeled and say that I'm sure that everything from the start with Chris's sister was a miscommunication and whatever they want to do is fine. Then my sister calls Chris's sister and starts fighting with her. ..when will this end? Now through all of this, Chris's sister has not mentioned one word of this to us. We haven't even heard her side of the story. Well, last night my sister left me a message to call her....didn't sound good. I decided to call our officiant first and get our meeting with him set. I call my sister back and she says that she can't believe that I didn't back her up with Chris's sister. I told her that her argument with Chris's sister was her business and she's an adult and I'mnot here to fight her battles for her. (I think she expected that I would call and yell at Chris's sister for making my sister feel bad). She then tells me that she wants nothing to do with Chris's sister and that the woman has problems. "Oh, and by the way Rachelle, I can't be in your wedding". I said, so you aren't coming to my wedding at all? She said "No, I will not be around that woman. She's a bleep bleep bleep". I said, so just because you don't like her you're not coming to my wedding? She said "That's right. C'mon Rachelle...it's not like I'm sticking you here. It's not like it's a week away. You have 2 months. Ask Bff to do it...I'm sure she'd be HAPPY to." At this point I was on the verge of tears. I've always been there for my sister...Me and mom paid for her wedding (I'm 11 years older). I just said, I have to hang up...I'm so upset. She just said "You'll get over it". I'm so upset over this. Of course Bff will stand up for me...she'll do anything for me. That's not the point. Sorry about this guys...I just really needed to vent and OH is the only board I come to regularly. I'm too embarrassed to talk to anyone irl about it. Rachelle

Oh, Rachelle. I'm so sorry. Families (especially sisters!) can be really hard to deal with. This might be a situation where after she cools off from whatever it is that made her so angry, she'll come around and be appropriately supportive of you. As crazy as it seems, it sounds like it never occurred to her how hurtful it would be of her to tell you that she would not come to your wedding, standing up in the wedding aside. Since that seems so obvious, she must have been very upset to have been so insensitive. Either way, don't let anybody's negativity prevent you from enjoying your day. It's about you and your partner, and will include the people who are there for the two of you. If she's not able to do that for whatever reason, try to spend your time thinking about all the support you do have instead. I hope it all works out well for you. Z

Oh Rachelle, this is so sad. I hope your sister wises up and realizes that she is the one in the wrong. Aren't families fun! I wish I had a way to fix it, but I can only send (((((((hugs))))))). Connie

Could this have been a case of her thinking you and Chris are just a phase? I mean 16 years is a long phase but the union means that it's not in her eyes and she can't accept it. I know that sounds stupid but I have seen it for other things in life. People accept things thinking it's just a phase or the other person will grow out of it and then when they realize that it isn't they just freak. Have you gotten Chris's sister's side yet? It would be interesting to get her side. And don't worry about venting here. I have noticed that this board is more fun and life support than WLS support.

It sounds to me your sister has a "HIGH DRAMA FACTOR". I am wondering is this the norm for her? I also think she needs someone to talk to her about YOUR commitment ceremony is not all about HER.... I FEEL SO BAD FOR WHAT HAS HAPPENED.....IT MAKES ME WANT TO HAVE SOME "PRIVATE TIME" WITH YOUR SISTER......SHE WOULD MOST LIKELY BE BALLING HER EYES OUT.....BUT SHE WOULD GET IT AGAIN I KNOW I WANT TO HELP ANY WAY I CAN !!!!!!!!

Sean touched on it a bit, but my first thought was that your sister is a little jealous that you are / will be getting attention through your wedding. Is she the type of person that generally likes the attention directed towards her and not anybody else? If so, I know it is disappointing that she has backed out, but you may be better off to not have her negative energy at your wedding. Not having her there, while hurtful, may be easier to deal with than her making a scene or picking a fight with your sister-in-law. Best of luck to you. Jim

oh honey, i am so sorry!! idk what else to say. that's horrible and incredibly selfish on your sister's part.

Ok, call me dumb, but what/who is "bff"????

best friend forever....(I know the short cuts throw me too Russ

Damn Damn Double Damn.... Family conflicts are nasty.... Remember, fairy tale weddings are really rare....and there is always at least one witch in the picture....the CU is for you and chris...and you can do without the tension....maybe better if they were not in the same place....too much drama.... you ever think of eloping...**** i don;t want that group of hillbilly relatives of mine anywhere around a CU... Russ