Changes, moving on

Hey gang. I don't recognize too many folks on this board anymore, but I did want to pop in and give a quick up date for the "old timers." Now two years out from my surgery with great weightloss success, I am currently in a treatment program for bulimia and related eating disorders. The last year has been tumultous as I tried to adjust to the slower weightloss, moving back home to my partner after a brief separation, and dealing with the excess skin on my frame. My body image is so skewed, I really have no idea what I truly look like. The binging, purging and restricting kept me in painful cycles where the only good to come from them was the emotional numbness. So treatment is good. I'm learning more about why I ate compulsively for 37 years...and how that morphed into something else. If you've not sought psychiatric help for yourself since surgery, please do. Don't be fooled into thinking that your anatomy will prevent you from abusing food. (Those protein fasts of just shakes for days on end? Well, that was my first step toward not eating anything for days on end.) I've also ended my 13-year relationship. I both wanted to and needed to, otherwise I would always rely on the safety of the relationship to avoid dealing with my life. I'm sad about it in some ways, mostly because I know the pain I'm causing to many people, but I'm very much okay with this decision and don't regret it. Thanks for letting me post. It's rather cathartic. Feel free to check out my blog for the other gory details. I try to still post there, but my focus really is on recovery right now. www.hotfat4sale.com Jen

Hi Jen. I'm sorry to hear about all that you are dealing with right now. I agree that most of us, if not all of us, need help dealing with our food issues. We didn't get where we are because of a healthy relationship with food or our bodies. Reading your post enlightening. It's rather scary to think that we can go from one extreme to another. I'm also sorry to hear about your break up. Sometimes we need to do things that we don't want for our emotional/physical health. I'll be thinking of you and sending positive vibes your way. Rachelle

I am very sorry to here about your struggles. I work with children who are dealing with eating issues and know how difficult the obsessive thoughts can be. I woud encourage you to stay in treatment. People struggling with eating issues are some of the most intelligent people I have met. The hardest point I have found to get across to people with eating issues is THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS PERFECT. Stop by whenever you need support. We all struggle with some sort of eating issues. I know I was eating to deal with stress, anxiety...and to deal with a difficult childhood.

Jen, Post whenever you feel. By the actions you've taken, you are gaining strength emotionally, mentally, and physically. You are so correct, your recovery is top priority. However, blogging aka journaling can also be a great part of your recovery as well as inspiration and help to others. If you don't blog, maintain a private journal and that is most helpful when you are feeling pain, confusion, joy, sense of loss. Stay Positive Stay Strong Peace,

congrad on your strength. i have not experienced what you have but the fact that you can speak about it and inform other people shows growth and courage.