see... there's this girl that i know...

she's 31, married, has 3 kids... and i love her. with all my heart and soul, i love her. i would totally come out for her, and almost did about 6 years ago. **sigh** ok, lemme back up a little bit here. about 10 years ago when i came back "home" from college in atlanta i met this guy and had a one nighter with him. then about 2 years later he contacts a mutual friend of ours and asks if i'd be interested in a 3-way with him and his new wife. apparently, he had told her about me (and several other people that he knew who might be "curious") and for some reason she chose "ME" and asked him to invite me into their bed. so, being the 22 year old bi-curious female that i was i took them up on the offer. we "did the deed" and then she and i started hanging out and became really really close, just as friends. then one day she asked me what i would think about if she and i "experimented" without her husband. omgs, she's hawt!! so of course i was ALL OVER that!!! well then things came out in the open and he demanded her to make a choice and it was horrible. she was about two seconds away from choosing me (without any encouragement from me because that's just bad karma) but then she od'd and it tore him to pieces and so she decided to stay with him and then ended up having 3 kids with him. last year we reconnected through myspace and things have been kinda crazy. she knows how i feel about her and she obviously feels the same way for me (she's flat out said that she loves me and is IN love with me on a number of occasions) BUT she's married with 3 kids and is pretty much set in her ways. she and i had an argument earlier this year (because of pressure from katie, telling me that she was only my friend when it was convenient for HER) and stopped talking (emailing) for a few months. then i emailed her and told her how awful i felt about it and that i missed her and now we're friends again. (katie doesn't know.) anyway, we've been emailing back and forth lately. nothing risque or anything. mostly just "hi, how are you? how's the weather? how's the kids?" stuff like that. but everytime i see her avatar in my inbox my natural reaction is to say "hey beautiful" in my head. EVERY time i see her pic!!! so then i started thinking just now about that and about other people that i have that reaction to (some people on here, some other people on myspace too) and i really started wondering why i don't feel that way about my gf. is it because she's smothering me? is it because i really DON'T love her? is it because i really just want to spread my wings and "play the field" a bit? or is that just a natural thing that happens from time to time? idk, i'm only 30 and i've been in seclusion for the past 10-ish years so i really have no experiences to draw from. so all you wise ones out there... what's up with me???? and how the hell do i get over this beautiful married woman with 3 kids that i TOTALLY connect with on EVERY level? because obviously she isn't going to leave her stable marriage for me, lols, and i'd never ask her to either.

Married ones are the worst ones to get over, especially when you connect like that. I have a friend that I went through that with a few years back, it was one of those drunken experimental nights that went bad, we totally fell for eachother, had he not been in the picture look out world there woulda been a new lesbian among the ranks. She and I kept up our quazi relationship under wraps for a couple of years until he figured out why she wasnt coming home at night and told her it was me or him, of course as always she chose the marriage, kids, white picket fence that at the time I couldnt give her. It sucks! Save yourself some heartache honey and run from that one... keep it on the friend level. As for your girlfriend obviously there is something there that is making you unhappy, from every post that I have read that you have posted about her I take away that you are miserable in that relationship, smothering is not loving, and in the end it will kill what could be a good relationship. I dont know if you have made it clear to her that you feel smothered but you should, maybe she will see that if it continues shes going to lose you.You are still young, its only natural to want to get out there and see what life has in store for you, and what will make you happy. I wish you luck because finding your happiness isnt an easy thing.. but damn its worth it when you find it.. (coming from someone whos f'in miserable at the moment but hey I can hope LOL )

I think playing the field for a while may be just what you need. As far as getting over this woman goes--first step is to stop E-mailing her.

can't. i love her. and even though i don't see us ever being "together", i can't see her not being in my life in some capacity either. is it weird that i KNOW in my heart that if she were single or were to ever come knocking on my door (with or without her kids and whether i'm with somebody or not) i'd take her in and take her back without even a second's hesitation? every guy that i've ever been in a relationship with since i met her i've always told that if we get married and get a house there has to be extra bedrooms for her and her kids in case anything happens, lols!! ya, i know for a FACT that i'd drop katie (and anyone else) like a hot potato if ashley were to show up on my doorstep. but i'm not holding my breath either...