New Here Too

I've finally got the nerve to visit this room more frequently and I've made some new friends already. I've created this screen name to avoid detection by wife and friends. I'm married and have been for a long time....over 30 years. About 10 years ago I told wife I was gay and she went berserk and moved us to another state. She thinks I've quit playing and mostly have just because of lack of opportunity. Recently I had lots of opportunity and enjoyed it immensely, so now I'm really thinking about breaking away from this controlling marriage, but not sure if I have the nerve. After losing 130 pounds, I have such a better self image and feel good about myself for the first time in my life. I've talked with a couple people on this board and know that I have some support of friends that I'll need immensely. Just wondered if there were other previously married people who've gone through this. I'm so discouraged at life right now.

Just Me, I hope I know who you are and you know you have all the support you need. Love ya! T

Yes you do and you are a great support. I'm so lucky to have you in my life, too. I look forward to the day when I can talk with you without sneaking around too. Love ya too, Just Me

So, I take it the move to a new state didn't make you straight, huh? I never "came out" to myself or anyone else till after my divorce (24 years), but my partner knew from the time she was in high school that she was gay. She was married for 30 years and finally couldn't take it any more. She got online and found out that she was not the only one in the world! You have to be honest with yourself and with her. You both deserve better. Good luck and keep coming around!

Thanks so much. Sounds like I'm in about the same position your partner was in. The last 10 years have been even worse since I told her my feelings. Now everytime there's a gay on TV, she always says, "Men are pigs." I'm to the point where I can't take it anymore, either. You'll see more from me, I'm sure.

I didn't check back at your first post. Do you have kids? Are they subjected to listening to this kind of talk? This is not good for them at all. You will be in my thoughts as you make this life changing decision. Feel free to pm me if you need to talk. I can't give you a guy's perspective but I'm a good listener. Take care!

Babs, Thanks so much. No kids, so that's even a plus in my favor.

One thing that tips me off is that you call it a controlling marriage, that and the fact she moved you to another state. You need to do something about that I think personally. I know you will have my support since it is not fair to either of you. I also know what your wife will feel to an extent since I was the last g/f of a guy before he came out. Good luck.

Thanks Kathy. I've already received lots of support from here, but it's still very scary because of the financial aspect of it. I'm sure I'll get by with the loving support I have. Thanks again.

I took a Family Law class and the atty that taught it said that most people feel the same way you do about the financial aspect until they sit down with her and look things over. Take that first step and you might see it wont be as bad as you think it is. Oh, and try to be good so she doesn't have anything to use against you if you do decide to divorce. I know, easier said than done.