My wife is so nervous!

Not so much about my surgery but that I am going to lose all this weight and leave her. We have been together for over 6 years married (we live in MA) for 4 and have a beautiful 20 month old son. I am not going anywhere.....I just want to be healthy for myself and our family. I have tried to tell her this so many different ways, but as my date comes closer...11/14....she is getting more and more upset. I don't know what to say to calm her or reassure her. Part of the issue I think may also be that for the first time in our relationship, I am losing weight and she is gaining weight and the idea that I will be smaller than her freaks her out. Any thoughts? Shana

Talk to her about the positive effect it will have on your LONG TERM HEALTH...the statsitics are out there....My PCP said lose weight SOON or you will be running into long term chronic health issues FAST !!! Also discuss how it will benefit your son. Size does NOT matter...but HEALTH DOES !!!!! Explain to her that there is a ripple effect....my husband is eating better !!!! We are able to now excirsize TOGETHER.....Have friends and her doctor help.....Also look at the resources available at the hospital where you are having the surgery. I had mine at the Brigham....they are aware of how difficult it can be on the family and have resources for them.......OH AND BY THE WAY......RED SOX RULE........Sean

Yes, The Sox do rule! I will definitely work the ripple effect approach with her, that just might be what gets her. I am having my surgery at Lowell General and although they have an amazing program for us, I haven't seen much of anything for family . I will let you know how things progress. So glad I caught your post on the main board today - I didn't know that this forum was here and I am sure I will be posting up a storm! Shana

Hey Shana, Definitely continue to reassure her! Maybe encourage her to join you with your healthier eating habits...kind of like purging the old for all involved. Let her know that the two of you have the responsibility to your lil one so that he will grow up knowing the correct nutritional info in order to be healthy as well. Maybe taking that route will help. Blessed be Ok you Boston fans...the Yankees will try again next year...if we have any players left who aren't jumping ship! LOL Muah

Shana, I think this can be a common thought for some spouses. Reassure the pants right off of her, so to speak! WLS will save your life. This will give you even more years, healthy years to be with her & your children. She needs to know this surgery is for your whole family. Does she go to doctor appointments with you? This could help to get her involved and allow her to ask questions from the professionals. Sending you positive energy from NY

Just keep reasssuring her--my partner went through these same sorts of fears--magnified by the fact that she is already 12 years older than me as well as now much heavier. I just kept telling her I wasn't going anywhere and encouraging her to do the best she could to make her surgery work for her(she had a revison to an RNY after a gastric stapling done in the 1980's). I also make sure she knows where I am--and if I am going to be late coming home I call and let her know. She gradually relaxed about it and now that I have a LBL scheduled for Dec. 4 her only concern is that people looking at us as a couple may think we are mismatched. She is no longer concerned about me leaving her. I keep telling her no one could ever treat me any better than she does--and it is true--I am shamelessly spoiled!

I agree with April, I think this is a common fear with spouses, sig others, patners, whatever. I know my hubby keeps telling me that now is not the right time, but it will never be the right time. I think deep down he has the same fears as your wife. I will lose the weight and leave him. I loved him heavy and I DID NOT SETTLE. Why would I leave him? The same with you. You didn't settle for her so why would you leave? Maybe that is something you need to tell her if you haven't already. Hope this helps, if not, you have our support here.

I also forgot one thing, could she be worried that she won't be attracted to you anymore? I know my hubby is into big women and is worried he won't be attracted to me anymore.

Well her fears are normal. It seems that WLS dose put a strain on a relationship. I say be real with her. Tell her all the reasuring things but over what is going to change. Your going to be eating less so going out to eat might not appeal to you, so if "date night" was centered around that be sure and replace it with something fun and not just skip it. Other things too, such as your going to more invested intrested in weight loss and exercise and this may be new for her so instead of going out alone because you have a child and it's easier maybe find away for you to all 3 go on a walk. I'll take work but try to brain storm the places in normal life where things will be hard. Its the little things that add up and destroy a relationship, hardly ever have I heard of someone just standing up one night and saying goodbye I'm out the door for no reason.