Sad.. Please help..

Hey everyone I am sorry to drag you into this but I am having a really hard day.. Today I found out that my 'best friend' isn't really supportive. I found out that she thinks that I took the easy way out of it". Her and her partner are really close to my partner and I, and it is so hurtful.. And email that they wrote back and forth was sent to me somehow and I read it. It said that I didn't try to do it on my 'own" before going to this extreme. That I went into it for the medical reasons and wanting to spend a better life with my daughter and partner and now all I talk about is how much weight I have lost and the new sized I am in. It made mean comments about me "not being the size that I say I am into now".. and just some not nice things. I know that the comments made between them were only out of jealousy and their own insecurities.. And not personal comments towards me, but I don't know what to do.. I have been feeling so good about myself and this just totally brought me down.. My partner and other friends have been 100% supportive in reassuring me that it's not about me, it's about them.. But I don't know what to do.. Please help me and give me some tips on what to do.. and how to solve this.. Thanks.. Tarka

T- This is a very common comment that peopel make and it's brought up time and time again on the boards... it hurts, and the people who don;t understand..never will... advise....don;t let anyone have control of your happiness...you are in charge..you don;t have to dump them...you just don;t have to absorbe what they say...just let it bounce off if you can.... but when yo put your happiness in someone elses hands.,,,you will get hurt.... now...that iis the reasonable Russ....if you wanna know what ***** Russ would do..... and I have done this,..... I say...."You know...I just could not stand being obease one second longer.....I don;t know how you do it".... what can I say...the ***** don;t hide Russ

R- That was great.. And you are absolutely right. I have been told time and time again that I wear my heart on my sleeve and I need to STOP.. I care way to much about what other people think, but then again, how do you not.. hmmm.. Anyways, to the '***** R" You rock.. Come out more often I would say that to her, if only she were obese.. I think that is one of the issues, I am getting closer and closer to her weight. Thanks for the help!!

With any big life change some friends are there to support you...and others are unable to adapt to the change. You are not taking "the easy way". They obviously have no idea of the restrictions and life modifications that need to be made. I got a couple of comments simmilar to that.....one from my brother....you should discount there comments and take the support from your other friends. During a difficult time in my life a was amazed that some of the people I considered my closet friends...fell by the wayside...and I developed better friendships with people I considered aquaitances

I'm so sorry you had to find out in such a fashion. It's none of their business, and obviously they are jealous. Do they know you know? I know it sounds hard but you really should talk to them. If it were me, I'd tell them to f*ck off, but most people wouldn't do that Cheer up, girl. You're looking great and you need to worry about yourself and your family, not some jerks who are nice only to your face.

I'd forward that same E-mail back to both of them, and say something like "I don't know which of you "accidently" sent this to me, but I do want you to know I really don't like the way the two people I had considered my best friends have been talking about me behind my back." If they come back with an apology, then it would be time to talk about it and try to clear the air. If they don't have the gumption to apologize, time to look for some new friends.

That's what I did.. I forwarded the email to them and wrote a very "not nice" intro.. I basically said.. When you are talking about someone, make sure you don't send it to them! and just commented on different things that they said.. It was crazy.. Then I talked to them last night.. And she was very upset, crying.. Said that she never meant for it to hurt me or anything that she would never do that, and I just said that I need time to think and figure out what I need and want out of this friendship.. Needless to say.. It's been a long night.. Couldn't sleep or eat... This morning I craved bad food, and had 2 pieces of a kit kat.. I know that may not sound bad, but I have been staying away from chocolate and sugary things, and I felt so nauseous (which probably means I dumped.. I have never dumped before.. ) I know it's not good to not eat, but I am afraid if I do its going to be all "bad" foods.. So, I am kinda staying away from things until I have enough control, because this morning was the first timeI felt "out of control" since surgery...

First of all, you're to be commended for only eating 2 pieces of the kit-kat bar. I probably would've eaten 12 of them. Secondly, I think you approached it quite well. You addressed that you knew of the email and you told your "friend" that you needed time to evaluation the friendship. Just keep in mind that ignorance makes people say and do really stupid things. Granted, they shouldn't have been so deceptive, but clearly they haven't walked in your shoes to know what it's like to have to make the decision to have WLS. That being said...keep your chin up. As long as your partner is supportive of your surgery, you're in a better place than many. Sorry about your friend, though. Not a cool thing to do. Cathy

Hey! Sorry to hear that your friends aren't dealing with this very well. I am just starting my journey, and I'm being very cautious of who I tell. I don't want my friends or family to criticize the things that I'm planning on doing for myself (not that I really think that they would, I just want everything to be in place and have a date for surgery before I tell everyone). I did tell my friend of almost 15 years about my decision and she thinks that I'm crazy! She has been trying to get me to follow her nutritional advice (since I told her), trying to tell me what I should be eating, and how I should be exercising. The crazy thing is, she has a very severe eating disorder! She has been bulimic and anorexic for almost as long as I've known her. I almost want to ask her where she got the nerve to tell me how to treat my body, and what I should be doing. I almost wonder if she's jealous that I am taking a healthy approach to bettering myself. I won't worry too much about your friends. What you are doing is for you and your family and has nothing to do with them! If they really were the best friends that you thought they were, they would understand your reasoning, not question the things that you want/are doing and just stand by you, regardless. I hope they are able to deal with this, and maybe you can all move on. Take care!

I've not gotten my WLS done yet, but since the day I decided it was what I needed to get help with weight loss I have began to see why for some people that other methods are just not going to EVER work. I'm sure you've tried many things, and failed. I think my nutritionist put it best "I don't know anyone who CAN NOT lose weight, but I know a lot that can't keep it off". Thats perfect for me, I have lost a lot of weight but I've also gained more weight back with each gain back. At some point it has to stop. If you can be approved then it's time to do it. If you were a 28BMI and looking for WLS then I would understand her concern however anyone I've ran into on OH hasn't been that person. Good luck with her, give her time. I'm sure she wants to lose weight too and this might seem easy. But after she sees that you have to work hard after it's done she'll change her might along the own way.